Advanced search

to be annoyed with my parents attitude to alcohol?

(21 Posts)
Abbbinob Sat 26-Mar-16 10:41:51

I don't drink anymore. apparently this is really weird because im in my 20s and obviously drinking is the only possible activity.
I used to drink, a lot, from the ages of 12-21ish and it ALWAYS ended bad. really, bad. Frequently arrested, passed out everywhere, out myself in a lot of dangerous situations and basically fucked up my life, i used to drink in the toilets at school, college etc. it was ridiculous.
realised that every time i drink i never have a good time so decided to just not bother.

My parents drink a lot, especially my mum every night. fine thats up to them but whenever i say i don't they act like im an alien or that im lying.
every time i go anywhere with them and say im not drinking, they try to convince me to. I tell them i don't really drink so they bought over loads of alcohol for me at christmas and are annoyed that i still haven't drank it. dp drank the beers but the rest is pretty much just left.

It's not like im always mentioning it, and it's not like i don't drink as in would never drink ever at all, it's just not something i really do and i am a massive twat when drunk, i don't like the taste so no point just having a few sort of thing.

AIBU to think they should be glad i don't drink not dissapointed?

DonkeyOaty Sat 26-Mar-16 10:46:25

Yanbu to be cross with them for not respecting your choices

My tried and tested policy for annoying relatives is to reduce contact and not tell 'em anything. Deflect questions back to them, in a "not sure about the weekend, no firm plans yet, what are YOU up to?" sort of way

LidikaLikes Sat 26-Mar-16 10:46:39

YANBU. Very smart and mature.

They want you to drink because it makes them look better. You not drinking throws their drinking (and perhaps their reliance on booze) into sharp focus and they don't like that.

You are an adult and you're making wise choices for your health and your reputation.

You're doing great. Try to let their disappointment and criticism be a reflection on their sour attitude, not a negative of yours.

jennifer86 Sat 26-Mar-16 10:48:40

YANBU. You don't have to drink, and your parents should respect your decision. It sounds like they drink quite heavily, though, so they probably don't understand where you're coming from. Also asking for them to be 'glad' you don't drink might be a bit much, but I certainly agree they should leave you alone about it and let you make your own decision.

starry0ne Sat 26-Mar-16 10:53:58

Can I say well done.. It seems to have been a really positive choice for you... I would advise you don't discuss it with them...

Repsonses include ... not that old chestnut again
we have discussed this to death
lets agree to disagree

I would also ask them if they want the alcohol back or you will bun it...Then either bin it or give it away... It sends them a clear message.

I am guessing there own issues are what make them unsupportive..Who would not want their child not passing out and getting arrested.

SweetieXPie Sat 26-Mar-16 10:54:32

I have just commented on another thread about drinking actually, where a young lady wants to give up drinking but mentioned friends and family drink a lot and would make a lot of comments about it.
I no longer drink as I can no longer handle the hangover, with three young children, it just isn't worth it. I got loads of comments when I first stopped but friends have just resigned to it now.
I have one friend whose parents sound just like yours, constant pressure to drink, alcohol features massively in their everyday lives. My friend, in turn, drinks a lot. I do agree with a pp, as you have stopped you force them to question their own drinking and they don't want to do that. I suspect if my friend gave up drinking she would have the same problem shock

lorelei9here Sat 26-Mar-16 10:56:04

I've just posted on another thread by someone who only drinks due to social pressure!

You are quite right to choose what you put in your own body. The only reason I can think that people don't like you drinking is it makes them question their own choice. I have found that saying to people "I've got enough personality without booze, thanks very much" is a good way to shut them down. I can't pull that line out at business networking but you can certainly say it to your parents - who are being very rude and disrespectful.

My best mate is practically an alcoholic so no one can argue that I'm "judging" either. She comes round here and drinks loads. (she is a functioning one, I admit, I wouldn't cope with someone being sick etc but she can have a skinful and have a perfectly normal day the next day).

So long as you don't comment or judge anyone else's drinking I can't see why people care.

Abbbinob Sat 26-Mar-16 10:57:23

TBF, if i do drink, every time EVERY SINGLE TIME i drink too much, get myself in trouble or go all depressed and crazy. i walked down the middle of a road naked by myself at 2 in the morning and got arrested and nearly sectioned and i have no idea why or wtf i was doing. there's something wrong with my brain when it comes to alcohol so i think, if i were them, i'd be glad if my daughter stopped drinking?
Last time i drank it led to a 3 month long ocd breakdown type thing, set off by the anxiety of waking up the next morning wondering what i did etc. something about alcohol just sends me crazy i have no idea why they'd want to encourage that?

Ineedtimeoff Sat 26-Mar-16 11:01:24

My parents are the same. Mum especially says things like I need to let my hair down and have a drink. for her having a good time is having a drink.
I've decided that I don't want my life to be defined by my relationship to alcohol any more. She just doesn't get that.

It's more about your parents own relationship with alcohol than yours. I think you just need to be confident in your own choices about alcohol and use tactics like those advocated by starryone.

alltouchedout Sat 26-Mar-16 11:03:20

Because your sobriety highlights their lack of it and it makes them feel uncomfortable, probably. If they had a healthy relationship with alcohol they'd be able to just go "oh right, fair enough Abbbinob, good for you" and be happy that you'd made a choice that was right for you bit be a use they are dependant themselves they cannot bear anyone else not to be. It's very sad.
Be very proud of your decision. It can be hard to do what you've done, so hard, and I really admire you for it.

alltouchedout Sat 26-Mar-16 11:04:12

*but because, not "bit be a use". Bloody phone!

lorelei9here Sat 26-Mar-16 11:07:38

wow, looking at your update I am very surprised they are not relieved....!

really sensible of you.

SonjasSister Sat 26-Mar-16 11:09:01

Wow! You're clearly making the right choices for you here. I assume you don't really want to share the full details with your parents (I wouldn't myself I don't think!) - if you have, I'm a bit stunned that they still try to get you to drink. It would suggest they really have issues themselves.

I find 'it really doesn't agree with me' is handy, also 'It messes up my sleep, then I feel awful/can't function ' if pressed for detail.

Can you gently tell them you appreciate the kind thought ' but what really makes xmas/birthdays etc for me is xyz that Ican really enjoy' name another little 'celebratory' indulgence eg pretty candles, posh olives, flowers, whatever.

jennifer86 Sat 26-Mar-16 11:13:43

Sorry OP, everyone else has written what I meant but far more eloquently. They won't feel 'glad' that you're not drinking because it makes them uncomfortable to question their own drinking. Their response is completely about them, not you, and I agree that not drinking is the right choice for you!

NotNowPike Sat 26-Mar-16 12:01:53

I think you are being really sensible and they should respect your wishes

LynetteScavo Sat 26-Mar-16 12:27:48

I think you not drinking is making your parents feel bad about their own drinking. They are trying to desperately normalise drinking because they would find it incredibly hard not to.

YANBU. Just repeat the same sentence every time they bring it up. Broken record.

Also, can you donate any unopened bottles to the next bottle tombola / raffle you see, as prizes. Then tell them you gave it away to X good cause.

PestilentialCat Sat 26-Mar-16 12:49:54

I've mentioned on a couple of the drinking threads that I have reduced my alcohol intake recently, by about two thirds. I no longer drink on week nights & tend to drink less when I am drinking. My DH has been constantly pressurising me to have a drink on the days I'm not, which is pretty bloody annoying & quite demoralising really. His drinking looks worse in comparison now - just the same for your parents.

Well done in conquering what has clearly been a big problem for you smile

I'd send the boozy presents to a raffle or something or regift them back next Christmas

OnGoldenPond Sat 26-Mar-16 13:00:45


Sounds like your drinking problems came from your parents attitude to alcohol in the first place so not surprising that they don't understand that there is any other way to live. Ignore them as they caused your problems in the first place and are desperate to suck you back in.

You have shown huge strength of character to reject that way of life in the face of massive pressure to conform from them. It's such a shame they can't be happy for you with your new life.

Enjoy your new booze free life surround yourself with people who want the best for you

FoxInABox Sat 26-Mar-16 13:02:23

My PIL are/were (MIL has passed away now due to drink) both alcoholics- I don't drink much at all and very rarely. They would often react the same as your parents when I said no to a drink- I think it's because it helps them to feel what they are doing is 'normal' if you join in drinking with them, even when it's 11am...

teatowel Sat 26-Mar-16 13:06:02

You are the sensible one.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now