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sleep or lack of

(6 Posts)
Helsbellsnch34 Sat 26-Mar-16 00:32:11

Ds2 is 2 next month, and has varied sleeping abilities! Ds3 is 10 weeks old and in the last few weeks of pregnancy we just let him in with us as I was so knackered. This continued until a couple of weeks ago when it all got too much for my oh, ds2 was dominating our bed, not letting oh near us, lying in my head, screaming full pelt if his positioning wasn't exactly right etc we've always had a family bed policy with single and double bed on our floor so moved single next to the cot and I've been sleeping there with baby. Ds2 sleep much improved but still demanding of us during bedtimes and wake ups 'sit there, move here, hold hand, not stand up mummy'. I had a tough time with a shouty baby and toddler tonight while oh at work,sounded off when he got home and got the usual response 'just leave him to scream, he just has to deal with it'. Thanks. Really helpful. What do the rest of us do whilst he screams for hours on end? How does the baby sleep? Or ds1 who shares a room with him? Ignoring the progress we've made because of one tough evening that he didn't even deal with. It is hard, he is dictating to us a lot, but he's not even two, has lots of teeth coming and a new brother. Apparently I'm just making excuses, perhaps I am? Gah. I wish one of them was a sleeper! Aibu not wanting to leave him to cry?

DirtyHarrietOnABike Sat 26-Mar-16 00:49:53

Please, no crying! What message are you giving him? The more you tend to his needs, the more secure he will become and the problem will quickly disappear. And vice versa.

amarmai Sat 26-Mar-16 01:44:36

Yes yes yes,op. You are doing the right thing in not leaving your dcc to cry. They will benefit so much from having a mother like you and you in turn will benefit from having lovely children. It's all going to work out for the best.

MyNewBearTotoro Sat 26-Mar-16 03:13:32

I think long-term it is worth putting up with a few nights of tantrums because you're not meeting his every demand if it means you can all sleep better.

I'm not saying leave him to cry if his cries are because he's genuinely upset rather than having a tantrum but he shouldn't be dominating the bed; he shouldn't be lying on your head, not letting OH in the bed or making demands such as 'sit down, stand up, go there.'

I think it is perfectly fine to ignore such demands and if that causes him to cry then that's okay, his demand is unreasonable and it won't do him any harm to cry because you won't force Daddy out of bed or let him sleep on your head!

I would be firm but gentle regarding the bedtime routine and your expectations of where he can sleep, who else will be there and what happens if he wakes up. If his demand is unreasonable (eg: OH out of bed, must hold my hand in this exact way at 2am) then don't do it! He might cry and it might disrupt the household but I don't think it's helpful to teach him he can have anything he wants to avoid a tantrum. I'm not saying leave him to cry in a room alone, if you have a family bed policy it sounds like you will be there with him anyway?

It is okay to say no to a toddler even if that results in crying and there is a big difference between putting a baby to bed, walking out of the room and ignoring his cries for attention and putting a baby to bed, refusing to meet an unreasonable request (eg: I want to lie on your head) and staying in the room and gently comforting him whilst firmly explaining the bedtime rules whilst he cries that he can't have his own way.

Helsbellsnch34 Sat 26-Mar-16 07:50:12

Mynewbear this is exactly what I have been doing and sleeping next to him from 1230-1amish. We've stopped holding his hand at bedtime and instead stand at the end of the cot (aiming for disappearing chair without the chair). This have improved massively in the last 2 weeks, it was a hard bedtime, and he still wants it to be me to deal with him 99% of the time. Oh thinks we are being too soft and should just leave him to get on with it, I know this end up in hours of screaming and no one sleeping angry not really up for that! Feeling better today, just guilty for bedtime shouting last night.

cornishglos Sat 26-Mar-16 09:08:16

We had this but not for 10 weeks. Every time ds turned up in our room we put him back in his bed and stayed with him until he fell asleep. It took a few sleepless nights for dh and I, but then he stopped appearing.

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