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Aibu to be worried about where my daughter is.

(170 Posts)
Moxiechick Fri 25-Mar-16 20:24:20

My ex has taken our dd who is 2 to a museum for the day. He mentioned yesterday that he was going to introduce her to the woman he is seeing.
He picked her up at 1 this afternoon and it takes roughly an hour to get there on the tube. I asked what time he'd bring her back and he answered 'dunno it closes at 5'. I checked and it closes at 5.50 so tried to guess what time they'd get back. He has form for not being able to give times when having her. So I just asked him to text me when they were on their way back.
I text him at 18:30 to ask if he knew what time they'd be back and he hasn't been online to read it which I get as he could be on the tube. I've called since then and it just says this phone is unavailable.
I'm sat here really worried as I have no idea where she is and when she'll be back. Maybe I'm being pfb please be gentle with me if you think so.
I've just been thinking how long do I leave it? And what do I do when that time comes?
He's on the birth certificate and had never not returned her before but has form for lateness.

EatShitDerek Fri 25-Mar-16 20:25:58

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Moxiechick Fri 25-Mar-16 20:27:44

Yes I have a few times. It just say that message that they're unavailable and to press 1 to send a text asking the person to call you. I've pressed 1 a couple times so have probably annoyed him.

SuburbanRhonda Fri 25-Mar-16 20:29:04

Might he have decided to go for something to eat and still be on the tube?

timelytess Fri 25-Mar-16 20:30:08

Try phoning him.
My ex used to do this. It drives us mad but it doesn't matter a hoot to them, they just do what fits in with their plans. Does he have parents or other relatives you could ring, who might know?
When you get her back, don't say much. But get some advice. This might be enough reason to limit the kind of access he has, which would be a sensible thing to do if you can. flowers

SuburbanRhonda Fri 25-Mar-16 20:30:09

Just realised what time you posted - too late for dinner for a 2-year-old.

Moxiechick Fri 25-Mar-16 20:32:32

That could be it. And if it is I'm Not annoyed at that, I would just be annoyed that he thought it was ok to leave it this late and not give me any clue of the time.
I know it's a holiday and o do encourage him to spend time with her but she goes to bed at 7 and he has no buggy. Again I know that's not the end of the world but it's about being responsible and having respect for one another.

hownottofuckup Fri 25-Mar-16 20:33:19

YANBU that's massively unkind

Fivetoomany Fri 25-Mar-16 20:33:19

I'd try ringing his family maybe? Your dad should be tucked up in bed now sad

Birthgeek Fri 25-Mar-16 20:33:38

It would not be unreasonable for you to insist on an agreed time to drop her back, next time.

They're probably out for food, maybe on the tube or battery empty. It must be past her bedtime though? I'd leave it for another hour before seriously worrying.. Unless you have additional concerns.

Writerwannabe83 Fri 25-Mar-16 20:33:59

YANBU at all - in your shoes I would be feeling upset and concerned too. I really hope age appears back home soon flowers

wheresthel1ght Fri 25-Mar-16 20:34:02

Bare in mind the Piccadilly line is shut today so even though he may not use that line other lines serving nearby stations will be rammed. It is possible he is stuck on a platform trying to get a train because there is naff all signal.

She is with her dad, unless you have reason to think he has harmed or abducted her you have no good reason to worry. And whilst as a mum to a 2 yo myself I know that won't stop you worrying it might help you rationalise it

GeorgeTheThird Fri 25-Mar-16 20:36:08

You're not being unreasonable. You should have agreed times and she should be back when he said. Try being a bit firmer when making arrangements - this isn't ok.

Moxiechick Fri 25-Mar-16 20:36:34

I could ring his family as he lives with them but I know he wouldn't go back there. He is staying with this woman tonight and I keep thinking what if he's taken her back there. I'm sure he wouldn't but when you don't know you're mind goes everywhere.
It's very possible that his battery as died as he's irresponsible in that respect, he wouldn't think to charge before leaving etc

Thisisnotausername Fri 25-Mar-16 20:37:28

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

RandomMess Fri 25-Mar-16 20:37:30

He is being unkind, thoughtless and tbh cruel.

He is continually disrespectful to return her late on a regular basis angry

Moxiechick Fri 25-Mar-16 20:38:37

Sorry to drip feed but he was very controlling and emotionally abusive when we were together and still tries to be now.
Hoping he is just stuck getting a tube, although I know he's the type to push his way on rather than wait for another.

LizKeen Fri 25-Mar-16 20:39:13

YANBU at all.

I would not be happy with anyone, even their father, being out this late with either of my children (7 and 3) if it wasn't pre arranged, and the fact he is not contactable would be sending me sky high.

fraggle84 Fri 25-Mar-16 20:42:32

I would log it with non emergency police, you need to get it recorded incase this happens again

Spandexpants007 Fri 25-Mar-16 20:43:20

I think he's taken them both out for a meal and your little ones having lots of fun being centre of attention. He might be showing off with his fatherly skills

Dalmatian2017 Fri 25-Mar-16 20:43:38

She's probably asleep by now or very very tired. Would he have taken her home to his maybe? I would put a contact order in place if he is abusive as this has an effect on you. You can't be sat in all day waiting for him. I would say either 6pm drop off if you are feeling her or 4:30 if not.

ScarletOverkill Fri 25-Mar-16 20:43:41

I would be beyond pissed off if I were you OP and would be imagining all kinds of things! But I'm one of life's worriers.
I hope they turn up soon flowers

bornwithaplasticspoon Fri 25-Mar-16 20:44:14

It's been crazy busy everywhere today as it's the only decent weather day of the BH weekend. My guess is they're delayed on the tube. I'm sure your dd is fine and will be home soon. Her dad needs to work on his communication as it's not fair on you to not know what's happening with your dd.

Spandexpants007 Fri 25-Mar-16 20:44:16

Great idea to log it with the police. Yes ring the family too

Groovee Fri 25-Mar-16 20:45:29

Hope she is home soon X

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