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So I was named as a correspondent in a divorce petition

(400 Posts)

MNHQ have commented on this thread.

BuildingBlocks9 Fri 25-Mar-16 19:15:10

DP divorced W in Jan 2015 (separated in April 2013, divorce petition issued in Feb 2014 on the grounds on her unreasonable behaviour and granted in Jan 2015). In April 2015 I gave birth to our DD. I am pregnant now with our second DC due in July. My DP has a DSD who is 4 and she spends every alternate weekend with us. Last weekend she asked me whether I was having baby as my tummy is big - I told her that it was supposed to be a surprise for her and she will have a baby brother in summer. My DP also send e-mail to his ExW Fyi that DSD will have a baby brother. Yesterday in a post I received petition in a post dated and stamped by the court in April 2014 naming me as a correspondent in proceeding of DP divorce on the grounds of adultery with an original letter issued to ExW thatshe needs to amend petition as details of marriage certificate do not match. There was also a letter from ExW that she knew about me, she showed dignity by not pushing thru her petition and she let DP divorce her on unreasonable behaviour grounds as wanted to have it done and dusted. Adding that I as a woman and mother myself should show respect and dignity to DSD and have decency to tell her about pregnancy.
I assume that she originally wanted to name me in divorce proceedings and divorce DO on grounds of adultery but filled in petition incorrectly and did not resend it as DP has already issued his petition. But why is she sending this to me now - it is 3 years on since they separated. We are going to have our second baby and she is doing this out of spite. Shall I report her for nuisance?

Obliviated Fri 25-Mar-16 19:18:47

Were you the Ow?

Bailey101 Fri 25-Mar-16 19:19:46

Were you the OW?

Bailey101 Fri 25-Mar-16 19:20:19

Great minds, obliviated grin

BuildingBlocks9 Fri 25-Mar-16 19:20:40

No sexual intercourse she they were together

HerRoyalNotness Fri 25-Mar-16 19:20:52

Just chuck in the bin, delete and move on!

They're divorced, you've got kids. No point being upset or angry about it.

spanieleyes Fri 25-Mar-16 19:21:30

Report her to who?
and for what nuisance?

Skittlesss Fri 25-Mar-16 19:21:42

Does it really matter? She's probably trying to annoy you. I would just ignore her.

AuntieStella Fri 25-Mar-16 19:22:04

"Shall I report her for nuisance?"


She is the mother of his eldest child, and you are going to have to deal with her in your life to some extent for the next couple of decades.

Just let it all wash over you.

Groovee Fri 25-Mar-16 19:22:14

Can she do that? My friend said that when she wanted to name the woman who her husband had cheated on her with, her solicitor said that no longer happens!

BuildingBlocks9 Fri 25-Mar-16 19:22:27

I am sorry should be when they were together but by the time the divorce absolute was granted yes (we were already pregnant as the proceedings took long)

AdrenalineFudge Fri 25-Mar-16 19:23:25

So you were waiting in the wings?

ProjectPerfect Fri 25-Mar-16 19:23:58

So that's a yes then hmm

BuildingBlocks9 Fri 25-Mar-16 19:24:50

She was acting in person without solicitors help. She has not put me in correspondent part by named me in supporting notes for guidance

AnchorDownDeepBreath Fri 25-Mar-16 19:25:33

Do you mean report her to the police?

You don't have a valid claim - she's contacted you once, in response to you contacting her (albeit by a different medium). It doesn't meet any of the requirements.

Whether you were the OW or not, it probably hurt your DPs ex that he moved on so quickly, and it must be even more painful to know that her ex husband is now having a new baby and didn't tell her until after you told their four year old daughter, and then you told her - not him. It wasn't handled in the nicest way - you don't have to like the woman or even talk to her, but your DP needs to be open and civil and generally facilitate a good relationship in which to co-parent. It probably feels, to her, that he hasn't done that.

Skittlesss Fri 25-Mar-16 19:26:00

Sorry but YABU. You stole her husband and now you want to report her for telling through truth. Just forget about it (the letter) and move on.

SolsburyHell Fri 25-Mar-16 19:26:16

If it's the truth, suck it up.

Then get on with your life.

ScrambledEggAndToast Fri 25-Mar-16 19:26:43

How annoying. I'm in a similar boat. My DP sent divorce papers to his ex citing unreasonable behaviour. She says they are untrue and wants to put adultery, apparently we've been having an affair for 14 years, which is news to both of us grin DP has just told her to cross petition and he'll sign it.

Skittlesss Fri 25-Mar-16 19:27:06

The truth. Not through truth. Stupid phone

Arfarfanarf Fri 25-Mar-16 19:27:38

Careful choice of words is 'no sexual intercourse while they were together'

I wouldnt take any action. What is the point of doing anything to further inflame the situation.

She's senfing it to you now because she currently feels angry. It's probably stirred her memories of when you ans her husband were in your 'no sexual intercourse until he left her' relationship.

I would just let it go. It's the mature thing to do.

trollopolis Fri 25-Mar-16 19:29:22

"(we were already pregnant as the proceedings took long)"

We shock

So she was pregnant and you were pregnant?

He sounds like a real catch, if he was shagging both of you into simultaneous pregnancies (you don't mention any other women for plural 'we' so it has to be her).

As she's clearly in the better position by being well out of it, I'll agree with you that her crowing is nasty, and possibly deliberately so. She's in the far better position and shouldn't be rubbing your face in it.

Lurkedforever1 Fri 25-Mar-16 19:30:12

Rather than spite, my first guess would be that she just wants to let you know she's not ignorant of what was going on. i.e you and your dp might have treated her like a fool cheating behind her back, but she's making it clear she isn't a fool. And she doesn't want her daughter treated like a fool either.

And to be blunt, if you are attracted to the kind of weak minded idiot that cheats, you aren't in a position to complain their ex wife isn't being pleasant.

BuildingBlocks9 Fri 25-Mar-16 19:30:50

I cannot move on - how did she know about me back than? The other thing I am worried about - what if it does not stop on sending the letter? I have heard a lot of stories about bitter EXs and also we work close by (literally our offices are 300 meter away from one another), what if she starts showing up outside my work? Omg I am getting paranoid

SaveSomeSpendSome Fri 25-Mar-16 19:32:24

Will it affect you in any way by being named on this document?

Will anyone be able to find out that you are on it?

If the answer is no to both questions then i would just leave it.

AdrenalineFudge Fri 25-Mar-16 19:33:13

Whether or not you had sex before they separated the fact remains that according to your dates you were already on the scene and I do think there is at least a grain of truth in her statement. As far as reporting her for nuisance I doubt you'd get very far based on her naming you in the notes alone.

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