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To stick to my guns about ending this relationship

(26 Posts)
mixedfruitlyf Thu 24-Mar-16 18:47:04

I did post on the relationships board ages ago but didn't get many replies.
Me and my boyfriend have been together since August '13 we have a 21 month old baby.
I work part time, he works full time.
He has never done any house work (last washed the dishes in January). He doesn't ever have our son so I can go out etc.
I told him this morning it's over but he's shouting at me saying he has nowhere to go and that another baby will make things better. I am repulsed by him, by his clear lack of respect and commitment but he just won't leave.
So do I just spend the rest of my days with a lazy slob because "I chose to lie on my back now I've gotta live with it" (my mum's words) or do I stick to my guns? Despite him having nowhere to go and in actual fact, living here saves him petrol money because he doesn't have so far to travel
Totally tornsad

MrsLion Thu 24-Mar-16 18:56:15

Leave him. He sounds awful. This is not how partners behave. And no, you do not have to put up with this as your DM suggests. You deserve far better. And you can have far better.

The fact he had nowhere to go is not your problem.

If you have another baby it would be a disaster for you. He will continue to be bone idle while your life becomes around 5 x more horrendous.
Tell him to leave.

RaspberryOverload Thu 24-Mar-16 18:58:31

I'd stick to your guns.

He sounds disrespectful and lazy, and another baby will simply add to the stress you face.

And your mum is wrong. You can end a relationship if it isn't working for you, there's no law that says you have to stick with a bloke.

I reckon you'd have less housework if he wasn't around.

Is your house a joint mortgage or tenancy? If it's just your name you can insist he leaves, it's not your responsibility to house him.

whois Thu 24-Mar-16 19:00:23

Leave him. Good god do it now before you end up with two children with him! You're worth so so much more than this.

ImperialBlether Thu 24-Mar-16 19:03:50

Ugh, both he and your mum sound horrible. Maybe she could put him up, eh?

Was your home yours originally? Is it rented? If so, whose name is on the agreement?

What do you mean, "living here saves him money"? Where did he used to live?

VinceNoirLovesHowardMoon Thu 24-Mar-16 19:10:35

God almighty do not have another baby.
What's your housing situation?

mixedfruitlyf Thu 24-Mar-16 19:17:40

I won't be having another baby, would rather eat my eyeballs!
It's a council house and both our names are on it. He used to live wih his dad 20 miles away. But living here with me, means he has less than a mile to travel.
His dad won't put him up as he has a new girlfriend who has binned his old bed and won't replace it.

AnyFucker Thu 24-Mar-16 19:19:29

Stick to your guns

You don't owe him a relationship...nobody does

Birthgeek Thu 24-Mar-16 19:28:42

I don't know what you do with a council tenancy if he's refusing to leave. Can you talk to your housing officer and say the relationship has broken down due to his unreasonable behaviour but he refuses to leave the home, ask them what your options are...

Birthgeek Thu 24-Mar-16 19:30:50

Shouting at you is verbal abuse - get that noted by the housing officer and you can make sure the police are in attendance if he's forced to leave.

MartinaJ Thu 24-Mar-16 19:32:15

Jesus. I will forever and ever appreciate my Mum who loves her 3 children and would help us always without any questions asked.
Your hopefully soon to be exDP is a sore loser and best to be rid of. Fingers crossed for you.

VinceNoirLovesHowardMoon Thu 24-Mar-16 19:34:13

You need to contact the housing department and ask how you get him off the tenancy.

MamaLazarou Thu 24-Mar-16 19:36:56

Leave him, girl, you deserve better than this sorry excuse for a man.

Vintage45 Thu 24-Mar-16 19:37:06

Yes, you obviously stay put and kick him out. It's not your problem where he lives. Sounds like he'll up the anti too so arm yourself with plenty of information. The women here will tell you all you need to know.

oldlaundbooth Thu 24-Mar-16 19:43:25

Leave him, mixed.

He will never get any better.

Your mum is so wrong.

You need to contact the council for arrangements to have him leave.

You can't go on like this. What doe she actually bring to your life? He sounds like he doesn't contribute at all!

Eliza22 Thu 24-Mar-16 19:49:42

Leave. Life is short. You deserve better. Good luck x

Cabbagedcrust Thu 24-Mar-16 20:01:48

You know the answer to this one. Be strong X

AuntMabel Thu 24-Mar-16 20:10:30

Your Mum's reasoning is about 50 years behind the times. You don't have to live with anyone who makes your life a misery. If your STBX's only worry is about not having anywhere to go rather than "what can I do to make this better" that DOES NOT include bringing another baby into a broken relationship, your resolution was correct.

Stick to your guns and wallop him on the backside with them as you kick him out of the house.

Euphemia Thu 24-Mar-16 20:18:41

He's a git. Get rid.

RubbleBubble00 Thu 24-Mar-16 20:19:03

It's your choice to end the relationship. Unfortunately I think with a joint tenancy he has just as much legal right to stay as yourself. You need to get some more advice if he isn't for moving out.

NotAnotherNameChangeAgain Thu 24-Mar-16 20:28:51

OP did you guys stick together for the baby in the 1st place? By my maths (which is dodgy at the moment through tiredness so excuse me if I'm wrong) you got pregnant in the first 2 months of your relationship?

If his argument is that the baby will make things better - well, it hasn't done so far.

Sounds like you deserve much better flowers

Groovee Thu 24-Mar-16 20:44:24

Stick to your guns X

NeedsAsockamnesty Thu 24-Mar-16 20:49:18

I don't know what you do with a council tenancy if he's refusing to leave. Can you talk to your housing officer and say the relationship has broken down due to his unreasonable behaviour but he refuses to leave the home, ask them what your options are

Her options are get him to leave and remove his name from the tenancy willingly OR go to court to get him off it.

or she can surrender the tenancy (one party can surrender for both) and move out but that one would be incredibly silly

Strokethefurrywall Thu 24-Mar-16 20:51:14

Grab those guns and superglue them to your hands.

Do NOT waste another second with this cocklodging wankbadger. Set yourself free, show your baby boy just how strong a woman his mum is and give him chance to grow up to be a decent man from your teachings, not from the example of his freeloading, lazy excuse for a father.

mixedfruitlyf Thu 24-Mar-16 20:54:00

No we stayed together as I stupidly thought I could change him. But I'm tired of acting like a single parent and having this excuse of a man in my house. I've tried not doing his washing, not cooking for him, not tidying up for him and he isn't taking any heed. Will leave it for days until I finally clean or pick it up.
I can't move out as I have nowhere to go and technically depend on some of his money for the house, there's no way I could scrape together any money for a private rent

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