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To expect my family to aknowledge my divorce.

(56 Posts)
Cutecat78 Thu 24-Mar-16 16:50:59

Split up with ex H 10 years ago.

Divorced 6 years ago been with OH for 6 yrs engaged for 4.

Upon my divorce I reverted back to my maiden name (kept my married name at work as easier) so my bank account, email everything is now Miss Cutecat.

My family are all aware of this and while it has taken them some time to accept this they can see I have moved on and am happy.

Mother and sister insist on addressing things to Ms Maiden Name or Mrs Married name and every time they are going to email me ask "which email" - Erm the one I have been using for six fucking years.

To top this off my sister repayed me some money into a bank account (Mrs bank acc) I no longer used as in debt management (is over no but I lost the money) and my mum has just asked me "which bank account" to put some money into and has every time for the last 6 years (closed Married Name one was one of two options).

Other than take a full page ad out in the papers AIBU to think it's not that hard to
get used to me not using the one other name I have had in my 40 years of life?!

Cutecat78 Thu 24-Mar-16 16:52:57

I dread to think the havoc this will cause when I remarry.....

SylviaWrath Thu 24-Mar-16 17:00:39

What is wrong with them using Ms Maidenname?

Tbh, if you're using both like you say, its going to be harder for people to remember.

Cutecat78 Thu 24-Mar-16 17:02:14

I don't work with my family - they have nothing at all to do with my working life and it is purely there I am married name.

I hate Ms - I am Miss.

Fourormore Thu 24-Mar-16 17:05:01

That sounds really annoying. I did what you did and nobody had any problem with it at all.

SylviaWrath Thu 24-Mar-16 17:05:18

Then they are doing it on purpose, or are a bit thick. They're your family, you should know which!

Cutecat78 Thu 24-Mar-16 17:06:41

They are def not thick - I may be paranoid but with my sister I almost feel it's rubbing a little bit of salt in the wound..,.,

DinosaursRoar Thu 24-Mar-16 17:09:00

Well... Technically you aren't miss as you are divorced, ms maiden name is correct, and more normal to now use for adult woman, married, single or divorced.

But yes, acting like it's tricky to remember after a decade is odd. Engaged for 4 years, are you planning on marrying again soon? Whatever you do then - if you keep maiden name or change it - they are going to find it incredibly stressful!

Cutecat78 Thu 24-Mar-16 17:09:57

If you are divorced you are not Ms.

You are whatever you choose to be called.

Fourormore Thu 24-Mar-16 17:11:29

You can be Miss if you've been married. There are no rules.

SylviaWrath Thu 24-Mar-16 17:12:47

Technically you aren't miss as you are divorced, ms maiden name is correct, and more normal to now use for adult woman, married, single or divorced

No technically about it, you are whatever you choose to use. You can be Miss, Ms or Mrs irrespective of your marital status.

RandomMess Thu 24-Mar-16 17:15:27

Perhaps every time they ask you, politely ask them with a smile on your face "Which one do you think?"

MeMySonAndl Thu 24-Mar-16 17:17:12

My commiserations, my family is the same. My mother is still actively pretending that my boyfriend doesn't exist and has finally agreed, after much begging and a threat, to remove the photos of my wedding with the exh from her walls, after almost a decade after we split.

I still think the ex was, for her, the son she never had. Otherwise I can't understand why she insists in pretending things are not over even after all this time.

Cutecat78 Thu 24-Mar-16 17:18:16

Ah yes my parents still have my wedding photo up on the wall next to one of my and OH and kids (kids from marriage) confused

TheLesserSpottedBee Thu 24-Mar-16 17:32:19

I don't know how old your parents are but my MIL was mortified when my SIL got divorced. She was ashamed to tell people mainly because she was friends with a lot of older women too (WI for example)

Do you think this is the reason your own Mother finds it hard to acknowledge your divorce?

I would present your parents with a replacement photo of you, OH and the children and ask them to replace the one they have.

TheLesserSpottedBee Thu 24-Mar-16 17:33:11

The wedding one I mean.

Cutecat78 Thu 24-Mar-16 17:33:30

I have - a big canvas which is next to the wedding photo grin

xenapants Thu 24-Mar-16 18:56:01

I'm with you; I loathe Ms, it's a ridiculous affectation in my opinion. Have you actually told your family how you feel about this? What happens when you do?

Cutecat78 Thu 24-Mar-16 19:00:10

Yeah - they dismiss a lot of what I say as me being "over sensitive".

Maybe I'll start addressing things to my married sister as "Ms" grin

MatildaTheCat Thu 24-Mar-16 19:10:17

Perhaps an email to all concerned:

Dear All,

I've noticed there seems to be some confusion around my personal details so I thought it may be helpful to give you some guidance:

My name is Miss Cutecat
My email is
My bank details are xxxxx. Yyyyyyyyy

Just to be clear all other accounts are now closed.



If they carry on after that go NC and LTB grin

JeanneDeMontbaston Thu 24-Mar-16 19:22:57

Agree with matilda. And after that, a blunt reminder that they're upsetting you by reminding you of a sad time in your life and you find it hurtful.

Cutecat78 Thu 24-Mar-16 19:51:32

Matilda love it grin

TooOldForGlitter Thu 24-Mar-16 20:02:33

You do not become a Ms after divorce. That's so inaccurate. Your salutation is whatever you want it to be. Personally, I don't understand why any woman wouldn't use Ms all the time but that's a whole other thread 😃

Your family are being rude to ignore your choices OP.

Cutecat78 Thu 24-Mar-16 20:13:57

I know what you are saying re Ms but I always felt it was for women who had given up on getting married or who were incredibly depressed they were divorced - or staunch feminists. I am none of these and I know this sounds terrible so I apologise grin

Cutecat78 Thu 24-Mar-16 21:07:52

Ex H new wife wrote a letter to my old boss basically trying to get me the sack and my mother invited them for a weekend at their country house .... hmm

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