To want to quit my job?

[zoewest]

Hi all,

I work in an office environment and these days I'm really getting the urge to quit for good after my maternity leave, which isn't for a little while yet as I'm only a few months in. We got a new manager around a month ago and to be honest, he's been harassing me ever since he started and he comes across as a creep. Now, I understand he wants to get to know everyone so he can break the ice, but it's all too much for me and makes me feel uncomfortable. Bear in mind that he knows I have a partner and am pregnant.

He gives me nicknames, stares at me at any chance he can get and he'll find any excuse to come and talk to me, one occasion he even stroked my hair! I give him hints that I'd rather he not do that, but he doesn't take any notice. One evening we all went out (I didn't drink) and he sat uncomfortably close to me, it was incredibly awkward... and this is how I feel all the time at work now. AIBU to want to quit and find a new job when I'm ready to go back to work after my pregnancy?

[yorkshapudding]

How awful for you He sounds like a creep and no one should have to feel intimidated at work. Did you like your job before he came along? If so I don't see why you should be pushed out of it. Instead, I would report his inappropriate behaviour or he'll keep getting away with it. If you leave it solves the problem for you but he might target someone more vulnerable or who doesn't have the option of quitting.

[OurBlanche]

Write it all down, dates etc, as much as you can remember and then send it to HR asking for a copy of the most up to date sexual harrassment policies they have.

Don't just put up with it... he is, at best, a clueless twonk who needs some awareness training or, at worst, a total dickhead who needs to be stopped in his tracks. Either way he is not, currently, good management material and you have every right to feel safe and comfortable at work.

Basically, hoik up your biggest pair of knickers and have at him! Oh, and enjoy it while you do!

[TheSparrowhawk]

This is dangerously close to sexual harassment, and the hair stroking definitely crosses a line. If he wasn't there, would you be keen to come back after maternity? If so, it would be worth documenting the things that bother you and taking them to HR. Chances are he's already harassed other women out of their jobs.

[londonrach]

Keep a diary of events. I dont think ive ever ever been touched in work apart from a hug when i burst into tears once (was also fed chocolate and taken to staff canteen for a drink as had broken up with a boyfriend) and another hug when i announced i was pregnant. (Dh, different work, years later). Hair stroking is very much crossing the line. What names is he calling you. Please record everything. Does your office have any sexual harassment policies. Talk to hr please and op its him not you.

[zoewest]

The most annoying thing is my colleagues actually like him and think I'm being oversensitive and silly, I think how on earth are you not seeing what I am?! I'll admit, I didn't love my job even before he came along, but I didn't mind it either. Now I actually dread going in.

[CosyNook]

What does your partner say about it, is he able to support you and a baby? You have said in a previous thread that your partner seemed distant since you fell pregnant. Talk to your partner before you do anything.

[zoewest]

londonrach he calls me sweetheart, darling etc... it's very cringey. I'm assuming so about the policies, but I'd feel guilty to make a complaint in case he lost his job and couldn't find another one because of it. Am I being too nice? I just don't want to make any decisions in case I'm being overdramatic.

Oh you remembered Cosy I haven't spoken to him about it, I assumed he wouldn't care much considering how we've been lately.

[yorkshapudding]

If you're having relationship issues then I would think very, very carefully before quitting your job and making yourself financially dependent on your DP.

[zoewest]

yorkshapudding - you're right and it's the only reason I've been carrying on as normal. I don't want to be in a situation where I have to rely on him, so I think I'm just going to leave things until my maternity leave and have a think about it then. Thank you for your help.

[HerRoyalNotness]

The only reason this twonk would lose his job is due to his actions. Not you, not anyone else, him.

Don't quit your job, look for something else after you return from mat leave. I'm now 10mths unemployed due to resigning (reasons other than yours) and nothing on the horizon. It's not a place you want to be in with a baby.

Keep a record, stand up for yourself. No need to be 'nice'. It's not you, it's him.