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To think shared custody is having a detrimental effect on the dc and my relationship with them

(2 Posts)
thinkingmakesitso Wed 23-Mar-16 21:23:35

DSs got back from 2 days with their father today and it has been another fraught evening. I have banned Wii in the week as they are both apt to get obsessed with it, and, as they like different games it also a source of conflict. Ex had to look after them for an hour here today and when I got in, ds1 was on the Wii and barely looked up at me, despite not having seen me since Monday morning. They have been on it a lot at their dad's from what I can tell, have done no school reading, no spellings and ds2 has done no piano, though ds1 says he has done clarinet.

I just don't think it's good enough, and it constantly puts me in the 'bad guy' role, and I'm fed up of it. I feel like when they are older and can vote with their feet, they will choose to be with him as they will get an easier time of it.

To make it worse, I then don't even feel like I enjoy my time with them, as when I get them to turn it off there are sulks and tantrums, and it's just exhausting after a day at work, with more work to do for tomorrow (done that now!). I miss them when they're not here, then almost wish they weren't when they are. I don't mean that, and hate that I don't always have them, but feel like it's just a constant struggle.

He also gave ds sandwiches wrapped in a carrier, which I hate as I had that all the time as a child and it was a symptom of my mother's lack of care. I never had sandwich bags/foil, it was always the bread bag or a carrier and not a lot to eat apart from the sandwich itself. I really don't want that for ds, and I know it probably sounds ridiculously petty, but having seen the carrier in his lunch bag, it has touched a nerve.

I know they need and want a relationship with him, and I know that he loves them, but AIBU to really hate this and not be sure that it's really for the best?

AStreetcarNamedBob Wed 23-Mar-16 21:31:59

YANBU to feel like this. It's one of the definite downsides to relationship breakdowns. I don't know what the solution is except to turn the clock back magically and not have children with someone
Like this confused flowers hindsight is a wonderful thing tho - I'm sure if you could predict that he wouldn't make your children do their homework and would let them spend all day on the wii you wouldn't have bred with him! grin

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