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AIBU to assume no children?

(74 Posts)
Onthedowns Wed 23-Mar-16 21:06:21

We have recently received a wedding invite with just myself and DH named , am I correct in assuming as our children haven't been named they are not invited? Never been to a wedding with no children so unsure? It wasn't previously mentioned about no children so assuming now it isn't! (Childcare headache, Friday wedding day off work - grrrr )

Dairybanrion Wed 23-Mar-16 21:07:41

Your kids have not been invited no. sad

Ragwort Wed 23-Mar-16 21:15:59

No, your children have not been invited; but you don't have to accept the invitation, regardless of whether or not the children are invited being expected to take a day off work is not always easy; yo can send a polite decline.

Ameliablue Wed 23-Mar-16 21:21:53

Not necessarily, I've had invites before where children weren't mentioned but subsequently found out they were invited.

justmyview Wed 23-Mar-16 21:22:33

not invited

Sunshine87 Wed 23-Mar-16 21:25:15

Etiquette would stay the invite is to whoever is addressed to those named on the invite
So I would say no they weren't invited. Inviting children can massively increase costs so it's quite common people have childless weddings.

Difficult if it's a weekday the couple haven't thought of school pick ups unless in the holidays.

DowntonDiva Wed 23-Mar-16 21:46:14

If assume no children. When friends were planning weddings they were told it's bad etiquette to state no children and to address the invitations to the individuals invited. sounds like your friends have followed the same approach.

Crispbutty Wed 23-Mar-16 21:47:54

I would just send a reply saying "thanks for the invite, just so we know, are the kids invited, or should I arrange childcare" ..

Drinksforeveryone Wed 23-Mar-16 21:49:08

An invitation should state the names of those invited. So if just you and DH then no children.

However - not everyone is aware of that rule -so may still intend you all to come. Or not. It's not always clear cut.

EllenJanethickerknickers Wed 23-Mar-16 22:00:55

If it's on a school day (and the DC are school age) they wouldn't get the day off anyway.

SylviaWrath Wed 23-Mar-16 22:35:04

It's perfectly normal to ask just adults, no children. No need for the silly sad face emojis.

Ameliablue Wed 23-Mar-16 22:36:42

I think these days, people don't stick to etiquette and instead make up their own rules.

TheCrumpettyTree Wed 23-Mar-16 22:38:59

It's perfectly normal to ask just adults, no children. No need for the silly sad face emojis

^^ This.

I would assume they aren't.

PurpleDaisies Wed 23-Mar-16 22:41:01

Another vote for the children aren't invited.

RafaIsTheKingOfClay Wed 23-Mar-16 22:41:47

This thread got split down the middle last time.

Half will say no children named, then they are not invited.

The other half address invites only to the adults but this includes the children.

You aren't going to know which without trying to sound out your friends somehow.

PurpleDaisies Wed 23-Mar-16 22:43:07

You could send s text saying that you really don't mind either way but you weren't sure whether the kids were invited or not. Just make sure it doesn't sound like you're fishing for an invite for them.

Xmasbaby11 Wed 23-Mar-16 22:48:48

I don't think the kids are invited. But I would definitely contact your friend to check as it's not 100% clear and I think usually the host apologises / explains for lack of children.

A child free wedding on a Friday. For me - childcare problems, time off work problems, probably could't go. But great for any with flexible jobs and help with childcare.

Italiangreyhound Wed 23-Mar-16 23:04:59

When in doubt ask.

If they are not invited, choose whether or not to go.

If they are invited, choose whether or not to go.

Thegirlinthetrousers Wed 23-Mar-16 23:07:18

This happened to me last week,I just sent a message double checking the invite was just for us adults and not for kids and the host confirmed that yes, the kids weren't invited. I agree it's not always clear....I just phrased the question carefully so it was clear it wasn't an issue for me if the kids weren't invited, but I just needed to confirm they weren't so I could organise some childcare X

DoreenLethal Wed 23-Mar-16 23:10:15

We cannot tell you. You need to ask the people that wrote out the invitation.

Onthedowns Thu 24-Mar-16 00:42:52

Thank you! It's a difficult one and of course we will go back to the host but I would have avoided that if possible as I feel perhaps it should have been made clearer on invite. Dd is 4 not yet at school and have a 2 month old so childcare needed all day for both! Respect their decision although don't agree children cost that much more money it's negligible to the adults snd especially at this venue. We will have to look at this carefully mainly due to time off and childcsre. I think it's one of DH's better friends so slightly annoyed it wasn't mentioned previously

Fatmomma99 Thu 24-Mar-16 00:54:43

I'd ask the question and then decide whether to go or not.

dodobookends Thu 24-Mar-16 01:42:36

I'd ask the question too.

Several years ago my neighbour received a wedding invitation from a work colleague that was addressed just to him, and didn't mention his DW or kids.

He thought it was because he only knew them from work, and as they had never met his family then the invite was for him only. He went to the wedding reception on his own, and at some point in the evening was asked where his family was. Turned out that it was a misunderstanding and the whole family had been invited after all.

curren Thu 24-Mar-16 07:20:00

Of course kids run up Costa. Especially if a lot of people they know have kids.

Personally I love going to child free weddings myself. I don't get the angst over it.

If you can't get childcare, just decline the invitation. If you don't want to go on principle. Decline the invitation.

Why do you think you dhs friend should have made it clear it was no kids before sending the invitations?

TheCrumpettyTree Thu 24-Mar-16 08:48:14

Of course children can run up costs. If there are a lot of them it's expensive

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