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Is it rude to bring over an entire meal when you're invited round to someone's house for tea?

(251 Posts)
TeamStark Wed 23-Mar-16 15:44:17

Just wondering what opinions are.

We have invited four of DH's relatives round to our house for an informal gathering, to celebrate his birthday. We said in the invite that we would order take away - this is what we usually do when we ask people around to ours. We like having a nice take away once in awhile as a treat, saves us the trouble of cooking for several adults, not a big deal.

One of DH's family members has taken it upon herself to make homemade soup and stovies for "4-5 people", and is bringing it over tonight. She has also bought oatcakes, and a birthday cake for DH. We asked her for none of these. We were looking forward to ordering pizzas.

Rude? Sweetly overeager?

We will be accepting the food graciously, FWIW, especially since she's already gone and made it, but AIBU to feel a bit put-off that I invited her to my house and she's up and decided to do the feeding?

Said family member does this quite frequently, btw. Shows up at my kids' birthday celebrations with a cake in a box from Tesco, when I specifically tell her I will make a cake. And shows up with platters of tuna and egg sandwiches when I tell her I will order/make/serve a dinner.

Maudofallhopefulness Wed 23-Mar-16 15:46:51

It's weird. If she was on some kind of diet and catered for herself, fair enough, but cooking for everyone is odd and a bit rude.

gamerchick Wed 23-Mar-16 15:47:54

Just ignore she's done it and stick to the plan? She might stop after a few times.

Secondtimeround75 Wed 23-Mar-16 15:48:22

I would accept the food but not serve it on the night.
Tell them you're looking forward to having it the following day.

ctjoy103 Wed 23-Mar-16 15:49:38

tbh if i'm inviting a few people around I would be cooking rather than ordering takeout.

MadameDePompom Wed 23-Mar-16 15:51:53

Nice of her I'm sure but I'd be sad if I'd been expecting pizza and was then presented with soup and stovies.

TeamStark Wed 23-Mar-16 15:52:09

Ah, but then we'll get the argument that we're just wasting our money ordering take away, and also wasting the food that she's gone and cooked for us. And the tone of voice during the argument will be very high-pitched.

NoSquirrels Wed 23-Mar-16 15:52:09

YANBU to be irritated - particularly if she has "form".

Soup & stovies are nice, but they are not takeaway pizza!

What would DH prefer? - it's his birthday treat! If he wants pizza, order it anyway.

In the future, can you head her off at the pass by asking her to bring something very specific e.g. please bring some garlic bread/a salad/ice cream for dessert/olives & antipasti or whatever?

Floggingmolly Wed 23-Mar-16 15:52:23

She shows up to a birthday party with a cake!! shock. That's seriously over stepping the mark! She's your MIL, isn't she...
How do you know she's made all this stuff?

Buckinbronco Wed 23-Mar-16 15:52:57

I had a friend who did this and it used to drive me potty. You'd invite her for dinner and she'd bring pizzas and cake. I think it's rude

PamBagnallsGotACollage Wed 23-Mar-16 15:53:09

Just tell her no. Say your DH has been looking forward to a takeaway for HIS birthday.

Who does that? I'd be well pissed off.

Sallyhasleftthebuilding Wed 23-Mar-16 15:53:21

Tell her No - and have to goodies tomorrow night!

Seriously rude on her part - if she wants to cater she needs to invite

CuttedUpPear Wed 23-Mar-16 15:53:29

She sounds great!
I'd invite her round three times a week.

saoirse31 Wed 23-Mar-16 15:53:42

What are stovies? Tanbu, v rude

TeamStark Wed 23-Mar-16 15:54:00

ctjoy - fair enough, but we did tell our guests what our plans were when we asked them round, so it's not as though they'd be disappointed. If a friend or family member of yours asked you round to theirs for a bit of pizza, would you take around a home-cooked meal instead? One the host did not ask you for?

MadameDePompom Wed 23-Mar-16 15:54:24


Not exactly celebration food.

Floggingmolly Wed 23-Mar-16 15:55:49

What is that, Madame? It looks like Irish Stew, affectionately know as dog's dinner. It is Stovies??

NoSquirrels Wed 23-Mar-16 15:55:54

Alos, hang on - you have invited 4 relatives, and there's you and DH, so 6 people to feed. And she has catered for "4-5"? That seems very passive-aggressive!

BillSykesDog Wed 23-Mar-16 15:56:13

I think what she's trying to do is supplement with a starter and pudding as a nice gesture rather than trying to replace your plans.

MadameDePompom Wed 23-Mar-16 15:56:25

Yep, that's stovies. You mean you wouldn't be licking your lips at the prospect? wink

Me either!

MilkTwoSugarsThanks Wed 23-Mar-16 15:56:31

I'd order the pizza anyway and tell her it was own stupid fault!

But then I am in a bad mood today.

Shit, I'd be gutted at missing out on TakeAway pizza and being given homemade stuff. Not even homemade pizza sad

MrsSteptoe Wed 23-Mar-16 15:56:34

Yes, OP, it's rude. I spent half an hour recently listening to someone tell me how appalling her MIL was for not appreciating her (unsolicited) homemade dish which she brought to feed to her (school-aged) DDs rather than exposing them to MIL's cooking.

There was absolutely no way of pointing out to this woman how appallingly rude it is to show up with food that shows your disdain for the food that will be provided by your host.

Thank you for introducing me to stovies, btw!

ThatsNotMyRabbit Wed 23-Mar-16 15:56:35

Wtf is that???

AlisonWunderland Wed 23-Mar-16 15:56:44

Thank you, I was wondering what a stovie was

ouryve Wed 23-Mar-16 15:56:52

It's DH's birthday, DH wants pizza for his birthday, the end.

Given her likely reaction to that news, she sounds more controlling than thoughtful.

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