My feed
Premium

Please
or
to access all these features

AIBU?

To expect to XH to be prosecuted over the £80,000 he owes in child support?

347 replies

CreviceImp · 22/03/2016 09:09

Bit of background. My XH has refused to pay child support for years. The CSA have been ineffective to say the least. There have been a couple of occasions whereby he has had some attachment to earnings made and payments have happened but not for years. I have given up my career as a teacher because I have a severely disabled child (and two others to care for) and have been her carer for years.He currently is self employed as a haulage driver.

The last conversation I had with the CSA (or whatever moniker they are currently using) I was told they couldn't find a firm address for him. I found one and passed it on but they said they needed absolute confirmation and they couldn't get it. I received a letter last week stating they had written to him to let him know he no longer had to pay child support but his arrears still stood. Seems they have an address after all.....

Having got my MP involved to no avail and written/contacted them numerous times AIBU to expect that he now be imprisoned for the years of what amounts to child neglect? He has refused to share the care let alone the financial burden.

AIBU to ask what this government is going to do to deal with this ongoing inequality towards women and children? I see no social justice.

OP posts:
Report
VertigoNun · 22/03/2016 09:11

It's child abuse. I will sign a government petition if you start one.

Report
scarednoob · 22/03/2016 09:16

My uncle, who continued to pay child support despite being denied access by a vindictive ex for years, maintains that the CSA only chase easy cases.

Flowers for you. Your ex is despicable not to support his children.

Report
FayKorgasm · 22/03/2016 09:22

Its about time parents who do not pay child support are severly punished. I don't think prison would work as it would affect ability to work and thus lowering the possibility of repayment. Maybe some sort of community service where their friends and neighbours could see that they are deadbeats would work. A public shaming.

Report
LettingAgentNightmare · 22/03/2016 09:29

The CSA is useless. They chased my Dad for every penny despite my 'Mother' refusing to let him see us.

It's not pay per access by any means, but it's funny how they manage to get the money off a man who didn't get to see his children but can't manage it with parents who still have regular contact with their children, but go self employed.

Report
Mellowautumn · 22/03/2016 09:48

Its theft and and child abuse and should be treated as such. We need a seachange in society around this.

Report
novemberchild · 22/03/2016 09:58

I haven't seen a penny for disabled DD 19 since she was 7. The old self-employed trick.

Report
Eliza22 · 22/03/2016 10:00

Despicable. Clearly, has no moral conscience.

My ex lied for 8 years about his salary having never increased. He was happy to have conned DS out of cash so he'd have more to spend on his lifestyle.

Report
startrek90 · 22/03/2016 10:01

Deadbeat parents should be charged with child neglect. It's disgusting what they can get away with. You try not repaying a bank or the government 80 grand and see what happens to you but these wankers can squirm out of paying their kid?

Nope when I rule the world every deadbeat parent will be sued for the missing money and failure to repay will result in criminal convictions for child abandonment and neglect and a permanent mark on credit record. They should be forced to declare that they are scum who starve their kids every time they want credit.

Scumbags the lot of them.

My dad was ordered to pay £20 a month for three kids (1 with disabilities) and he never bothered once. Left my mum working three jobs and let her nearly kill herself to provide for us.

Report
VertigoNun · 22/03/2016 10:03
Report
BoatyMcBoat · 22/03/2016 10:11

FayKorgasm, bring back the stocks? It would be fun to throw rotten veg at a deadbeat parent....... Grin

Seriously though, I would certainly sign a petition to make absent parents pay the child support they owe. The Gov needs to 'man up' (huh!) and we do need a sea change in society as a whole. The attitude to women is shocking in the 21st century.

Report
FeliciaJollygoodfellow · 22/03/2016 10:12

100% agree with you. It's all too easy for those that can go self employed to do so simply to shirk their responsibilities.

Report
CreviceImp · 22/03/2016 10:17

Thanks everyone for your support Flowers

I am thinking about going down that petition route but am struggling on how to phrase it and would welcome some suggestions.

OP posts:
Report
BitOutOfPractice · 22/03/2016 10:19

I think it's a national scandal that so many parents fail to pay for their kids. It must cost the country millions to help support the resident parent as well.

I am always amazed that a government doesn't really get to grips with this. They are so keen to chase, vilify and punish "benefits cheats" aren't they - but I'd wager that this is a far bugger problem

Report
Realfootyfan · 22/03/2016 10:26

Surely it needs to be connected to the tax system. He should just be taxed more to cover the arrears. Then the CSA would just need to be an enforcement body to bring prosecutions.

As for vindictive exes, they are just as bad and should lose child support. Obviously there can be problems with abusive exes but that's a separate issue.

So sorry you've had to manage all these years OP.

Report
VertigoNun · 22/03/2016 10:28

Have an attempt at the three sections and we can help amend your words.

Report
TwoKettles · 22/03/2016 10:31

I'll sign too, and know that most of my facebook contacts will too - this could change lives Halo

Report
Fratelli · 22/03/2016 10:38

I would definitely sign and share a petition. It's disgusting that people get away with not paying for their children. You would be in jail if you hadn't have clothed or fed your children, why should a punishment not apply to him for effectively doing that? It is neglect.

Report
peggyundercrackers · 22/03/2016 10:42

is there going to be a petition to punish vindictive ex's for the many things they put some fathers through?

Report
DelphiniumBlue · 22/03/2016 10:47

Yes to RealFooty 's idea of attaching child support to tax. The inland revenue seem to have no problem chasing people for unpaid tax, to the point of bankruptcy. I feel sure they could get reluctant parents to pay.
And yes, I would sign a petition, how can people get away with abandoning their children?

Report
Pootles2010 · 22/03/2016 10:47

peggy well volunteered. Perhaps you could start your own thread?

Report
0dfod · 22/03/2016 10:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Duckdeamon · 22/03/2016 10:54

That's a separate issue, and there is legal recourse.

Report

Don’t want to miss threads like this?

Weekly

Sign up to our weekly round up and get all the best threads sent straight to your inbox!

Log in to update your newsletter preferences.

You've subscribed!

VertigoNun · 22/03/2016 10:58

It is because of our sex.

OP, you need five to help start the petition and I am happy to be one.

Report
BlackeyedSusan · 22/03/2016 11:05

If I were to stop paying anything for the children social care would be round here quicker than a rat up a drainpipe and I would be prosecuted for child neglect.

Yet some absent parents can get away with it for years.
(dc's dad does at least pay)

Report
Micah · 22/03/2016 11:06

Is it because of our sex vertigo?

Dsc wants to move in with us soon to do a levels. Dh has paid well over the odds over the years, agreed to let her have the house car etc, had the children all weekends all holidays, done everything he can.

Ex is refusing to even consider paying dh cs, or hand over child benefit etc. and suprisingly a lot of people agree with her- she's done all the work, its his turn, why should he get paid to look after his own kids, as well as he's taken the kids away from her, asking for money too is an insult, etc etc.

For some reason it seems far more acceptable for nr mothers not to pay.

Report
Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.