my boss called me a retard on facebook

[whatisforteamum]

Last yr i got my self a new job after being treated badly for the last couple of yrs of a previously good 11 yr employment.
I was made welcome and given the chance to learn new things.i asked if my work was good enough and i was told it was.
Over the last few months i worked every shift going despite home stresses such as preg dsis waiting to see if she needed a termination as her unborn child looked v unwell and my df being ill from terminal cancer.
Their were a few niggles at work which included all the team so i wasnt overly worried.
Last week end i went away for a few days and recieved a call from our ds that i was on the rota a day sooner than i understood i was due back.I rang work and was told that as i was 4 hrs away someone would cover.
I apologised as soon as i returned and my manager was totally fine.I have never had this happen in 30 yrs of working.
However my boss said it was ok then proceeded to blank me out for my next 36hrs over 3 days that i worked.Given that we are short staffed i just got on with his bad moods.
i eventually got home tired and went to message him to say i hope his son was ok after he had a call to go home as his son was ill and needed to call an ambulance and i see that he had posted rude comments that other colleagues can see about meand one about how its not fair for him to work with retards ( a word i would never use).
I am mentioning it and more than likely wont stay.Why would i want to work week ends and eves with a bully anymore than i have to.I do feel hurt that someone cant have a meeting face to face than resort to insults on social medis.AIBU ?

[JeanSeberg]

Is there a HR department?

[whatisforteamum]

It is a small place with a manager who is decent. He is the head chef.I feel if i leave he has what he wanted however i dont want to go the extra mile now.My ds who works there is leaving.He sensed an atmosphere and i ve seen homophobic comments too.(he has come out as gay a few months ago).

[whatisforteamum]

yes i did screenshot it and i will print it out to show my manager.

[herecomethepotatoes]

Did he name you? If not, suck it up.

If 'yes', is it a large (with its own HR) company? If so contact them. If not, immediately go to his line manager and make an official complaint in writing. Get proof (screen shot) before it's too late and they remove their comment. Explain you'll be taking paid leave until the situation is resolved. Make sure you have written down exactly what the issue(s) is and anything that's happened previously. Record anything said (tell them first if you wish, certainly not a legal requirement) on your phone and keep a paper trail.

Don't allow yourself to become a victim. If you plan on leaving anyway then do everyone else / your replacement a favour and still officially complain. I'd be surprised if you aren't given paid leave giving you a buffer whilst you search for another job.

[herecomethepotatoes]

In such a small company, you'll need to give more info.

Is the manager also the owner? Who is "your boss" (I assume you mean line manager). Also a chef? Head of floor?

Are you a waitress?

If you're a waitress and the head of front of house was the one who called you a retard then tell the manager (also head chef?) or boss. Perhaps not as gung-ho as my first post suggested. Tell them your preferred outcome (written warning and verbal apology from your 'boss'). If it continues then the owners/managers will be responsible for allowing it so make sure there's a paper trail.

I've managed large bars / restaurants / night clubs (some independent, some part of a chain) and this industry has a tendency to be high pressure and, without excusing it, sweary and rude, although, a bit like a rugby game, what happens during a shift/service, stays there.

If it's really upsetting you then do something about it.

[rememberremember]

Absolutely no excuse for that, but I think you do say it was at the same time as his son was being taken to hospital in an ambulance (unless I've misunderstood), so he is likely to have been quite stressed.

[ilovesooty]

If anyone in my company did that they'd be disciplined.
I think it's absolutely unacceptable.

[TunnocksInAHammock]

You made a mistake - shize, what is it with these people? My work place is the same. I totally understand the not wanting to go the extra mile thing. It's how I feel entirely.

[whatisforteamum]

The retard comment was the day before....then the bosses wife rang and he said he had to go home...however he got changed and left smiling.I think you would dash off if your youngster was ill.When i suggested to the manager that he didnt return we could cover the manager looked a bit dubious as to why he had just left when we were busy.
Ive worked in this industry since tthe 80s.Heard loads.Seeing it written down for all to see is very hurtful.Ive been awake most of the night.

[breezydoesit]

Sorry OP I'm a bit confused. Did the post specifically mention you being a retard? and if he posted it the day before then how do you know it relates to you? It's a horrible thing to write regardless and I think it shows him up for what he is - a complete tosspot.

[LineyReborn]

What were the homophobic comments?

[NeedsAsockamnesty]

I would start action to dismiss a member of staff who used that word in reference to anybody on social media or in real life.

Is someone in charge of him?

[OnlyLovers]

Did he name you? If not, suck it up.

No way. Anyone using on social media the word 'retards' about the people they work with, named or not, deserves the book throwing at them.

[Birdsgottafly]

Well his remark flys in the face of any diversity policy the company has.

Don't let the Manager just dismiss this use of language.

It might not have been directed at you, but that's not the issue.

[MistressDeeCee]

OP, halfway down your post I thought "I bet she works in the food trade"

People in the food trade are treated monstrously, I worked in that field many years ago now, have friends who do it now but only on temp/agency basis as its too soul destroying to be in that atmosphere full time.

Head Chefs are GOD no matter what you say, their side will be taken. They are treated with reverence it is utterly ridiculous

Ive found big plush conference centres in London to be the worst. All that bullying, hierarchy, high turnover of staff that goes on.

I hope you and your DS do leave, OP. There are better places to be, other jobs out there. Especially in the food trade you could be working elsewhere in a matter of days

[BillSykesDog]

I'm finding your posts a little difficult to follow. However as far as I can work out your work organised cover for you as there had been confusion over a rota.

You returned, and a more senior colleague took some time off work because his young child was seriously ill. I'm not quite sure about the next bit, but it sounds like you then stirred it up with other staff and questioned whether his reasons to be off were genuine.

If that's what happened, do you not think he has a reason to be a bit pissed off? Not very nice language, but if I left because my child was sick and I heard that a colleague had been casting doubt on that after taking time off themselves for far less pressing reasons I don't think my language would be very pleasant either.

Also, why are you telling staff who are more senior to you whether or not you think you have enough staff in for them to allow people to stay off? They're the managers, up to them, not you.

[whatisforteamum]

Billsykes complete misunderstanding.My head chef made the comments saturday after 3 long 930/11pm hard days.
He was resentful of the manager adding to the workload with free food for the sport watchers and generally tired.muttering under his breath.Midway through sunday he left saying his child was ill and he would come back later.
I being a mother said why not let him stay home as the 2 of us had the bookings under control.The work would be done.Not shit stirring..genuine kindness.
I would never use the word retard about anyone.Ever.
If i have a problem with someone i talk to them...to their face in a respectful way.
The manager is shocked and said we will sit down later.Call me old fashioned im not convinced we can come back from here.

[herecomethepotatoes]

but you said the head chef is your manager...

[whatisforteamum]

Manager of the establishment who is lovely and his wife who run the front of house.Head chef is my boss.Making uncalled for comments.Bringing morale down.

[BillSykesDog]

So your boss went home because his child was ill. And you went to his boss and drew attention to it with unsolicited advice about how he should manage his staff plus dropping in a few hints about how his time off might be less than genuine.

That doesn't sound anything like kindness to me. That sounds like tit for tat revenge because he'd been annoyed with you for missing a shift earlier in the week.

[CerseiHeartsJaime4ever]

Regardless of the tit for tat stuff about him leaving work/you mixing up the dates - what specifically has been said about you on social media because the rest will just be gumph as far as HR are concerned. Does he name you? How do you know specifically it was about you?

[whatisforteamum]

I didnt say his time off wasnt genuine.to anyone.It is my own feeling.The manager is speaking to him today.He agrees calling someone or anyone a retard is just not on and insists comments are removed.He is a decent man.

[ElementaryMyDear]

BillSykes, in a small restaurant business I very much doubt that the manager was unaware that the head chef was absent - or if he wasn't, he would discover it for himself very quickly irrespective of anything OP said to him.

[Pancakeflipper]

Doesn't sound like a happy place to work when your boss is in.
If he's this 'catty' (can't think of another word) and making snidey comments on FB I doubt you are the only one to notice and I doubt the manager is impressed. Negativity brings everyone down and doesn't bring out the best in people.

Hope things improve. And don't worry about going over your boss to the manager about the FB comments - it's not really ever going to be a conversation that you and the boss could have with a productive and positive outcome.