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To think that if you feel frission/sexual tension with someone, they do too?

(62 Posts)
Pollaidh Sun 20-Mar-16 20:24:49

I've often wondered - you know when there's someone you have some kind of tension with, and you both grab for the same thing, and your fingers brush, and it's like an electric shock... Well if you feel it, does it mean the other person does too?

Same for the other signs, like repeatedly brushing arms as you walk along together, knees touching under the table. If you keep bumping arms, is it because you're both drawn towards each other, or (assuming you have some sexual awareness of the other party), could it all be you, and the other person's just wondering if you're pissed?

Obviously hard to answer given you don't know what the other person is thinking, but have you ever then got together with someone, and they've mentioned the same thing; or, (god, how awful), have you ever found out that what you thought were significant touches... simply weren't to the other person?

MrsOlaf78 Sun 20-Mar-16 20:25:38

I'd like to think they do.

MooPointCowsOpinion Sun 20-Mar-16 20:27:07

I think about this too. If I feel a connection to someone, does that mean they feel it too or could it be one sided. Not just in terms of sexual attraction, but potential friendships too.

So much is said with body language, tone, that without saying 'I feel a connection ' out loud, we could say it without words, and have the other person say it back the same way.

Hassled Sun 20-Mar-16 20:28:08

I've wondered about this too and come to the conclusion that no, not necessarily. Just because you feel it - why should they? I think you can convince yourself of all sorts when you have a crush.

SaveSomeSpendSome Sun 20-Mar-16 20:29:37

I think sometimes the other person cant feel it. Abit like when your infatuated with someone and they dont feel the same way.

ThroughThickAndThin01 Sun 20-Mar-16 20:29:37

I'd love to know this.

I was strongly attracted to someone I was in close proximity with for about 6 weeks. I'd just had ds3, madly in love with Dh, but my god this took me by surprise. I couldn't be in the same room with him without bolts of lightening, hairs standing on end, constant state of desire, all the cliches going on.

Ive often wondered if he felt it too.

Trills Sun 20-Mar-16 20:30:16


Absolute bollocks.

You could easily feel it without them having any thoughts in that region.

Trills Sun 20-Mar-16 20:31:22

There are probably lots of people who you accidentally touch without thinking anything of it, and you don't notice or remember these touches because you don't fancy them.

LineyReborn Sun 20-Mar-16 20:32:01

No they don't always feel it too.

museumum Sun 20-Mar-16 20:32:12

I'm not sure. I had an unexpected moment of being nearly floored with lust for a mountain guide I was on holiday with a few years ago. He = beautiful man God. About 23yrs old.
Me = overweight married woman of 36.
Nah, don't think it was mutual sadgrin

Ragwort Sun 20-Mar-16 20:32:34

But look at it the other way round - I've had men telling/showing me they feel a sexual frission grin with me and in no way I am interested.

It's the same with any friendship - I know some really needy people who tell me they 'love my company, and feel we could be good friends' - & I just think 'no thanks'.

arethereanyleftatall Sun 20-Mar-16 20:32:59


A bloke I was really really good friends with once, said he felt this way about me.

I felt sick, it hadn't crossed my mind.

I haven't seen him since.

SuperCee7 Sun 20-Mar-16 20:34:27

Sometimes the will. Sometimes they won't. Of course it isn't always reciprocated, but people like to convince themselves of these things.

ScarletForYa Sun 20-Mar-16 20:34:29

No. It's entirely possible that it's one sided.

freshmint Sun 20-Mar-16 20:35:02

Lots of stalkers rely on this nonsense theory to justify their stalking "I know she feels the same/I know she would feel the same if I could only just talk to her" blah blah

BastardGoDarkly Sun 20-Mar-16 20:35:09

No, not necessarily.

I've had blokes have a crush on me, and confessed all, thinking I felt the same, to my utter shock.

JeepersMcoy Sun 20-Mar-16 20:37:46

I've once had someone convinced we had this sort of thing happening. They cornered me one day to confess their attraction, completely convinced I felt it to and we had been having all their significant moments for ages. As far as I was concerned this had come from nowhere. I genuinely had no idea. For me there had been no electricity or frisson in the least. It was all very awkward.

So, no. I wouldn't assume that they feel what you feel. Just because something creates a strong emotion in you doesn't mean it does in the other person and their version of events may be very different from yours.

Imonlydancing Sun 20-Mar-16 20:39:29

Oh god I hope not. BIL and I once went to kiss goodbye on the cheek and were very very close to getting lips! It was one of the most awkward moments of my life! There was a moment of eye contact and hesitation before a hasty "um yeah bye".

I cringe every time I think that he might have felt that spark. confused

Ginmakesitallok Sun 20-Mar-16 20:40:44

Nope, that way stalkers lie.

VikingLady Sun 20-Mar-16 20:41:39

No, of course not! Seriously, who hadn't been pestered by a stalker/too enthusiastic pest? Who was absolutely convinced you must return their feelings?

Shakey15000 Sun 20-Mar-16 20:44:22

Interesting question.

I would have said no when I was in the midst of a massive crush. Being realistic he was way out of my league (plus I was/am happily married confused <-- confused face because I couldn't fathom being in love with DH yet still feel as I towards crush)

Anyhow my legs would quiver and my heart pound in his vicinity while we worked on a brief project.

I got over myself after project ended and would often give my head a wobble if I thought of him in a "pfft what were you THINKING" wry way.

Fast forward a good year or two and our paths crossed again on a night out. We catch up and I find out he's engaged to be married, blissfully happy etc. THEN he makes reference to the chemistry he felt between us back on the project. I was shock. He said he never mentioned it as I was obviously happily married (honourable as well eh?)

So, it was felt on both sides but not mentioned at the time.

FWIW, I'm still happily married, crush is now married, all is well smile

MerryMarigold Sun 20-Mar-16 20:46:41

Someone touched my knee once and told me it was so brown (I had been on holiday). I found this person quite annoying, but it definitely triggered something in me so that 6 months down the line we were in a relationship. I think he was attracted to me, but I wasn't to him until that point. I have not forgotten that moment many years on.

Trills Sun 20-Mar-16 20:54:50

All the examples of "they did feel it too" cannot say that this is always (or even often) the case, only that it is sometimes the case.

Tiggeryoubastard Sun 20-Mar-16 20:58:58

It can't always be the case, otherwise there wouldn't be laws against stalking, as we wouldn't need them.

eatsleephockeyrepeat Sun 20-Mar-16 20:58:59

I'm another one here to say it's definitely not always mutual I'm afraid. One person's "interested in me and can't keep their hands off me!" is another person's "friendly and clumsy".

As a younger woman I was perhaps naively open and friendly with all and sundry, plus quite on the touchy-feely side, and more than once found myself cornered by someone convinced we were experiencing some deeper connection.

I started to feel self-conscious about it but that just made me clumsier and probably come across as nervous in their company, so I'd be brushing hands then thinking "damn, we just touched! I hope they don't think it was on purpose... god, they're looking at me, they think it was on purpose, now I'm blushing! HELP ME!". I'd look up later to make sure they hadn't misunderstood and weren't glancing at me across the room, and of course "shit, we made eye contact across a crowded room! This is getting WORSE!!".

I can assure you it is not always mutual :D

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