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To tell a friend off for his selfishness.

(12 Posts)
travellinglighter Sun 20-Mar-16 18:52:27

So I was at an international rugby game last night. Friend who was with me has been really badly cheated on by his wife of 7 months and is a little bit fragile. Combine this with the fact that he’s a massive drama llama particularly when he’s had alcohol, so he’s been getting quite a lot of TLC off his huge group of friends. So we watched the game, had a few drinks and he got a bit maudlin. The sensible friend gripped me and said time for him to go. Finished the drinks, got food for us both and headed to the station to get a train home.

At the station he’s on the phone to all and sundry but I noticed a couple a few yards away and the male is giving the female a serious amount of grief. Effing and blinding, she was seriously distressed and I was thinking that there may be DV situation about to happen. The drama llama is a copper so I tried to attract his attention to say we should get a bit closer in case something kicks off. Ignored me and carried on talking on his phone. So I wandered a bit closer. I’m no hero but I thought my presence might put him off a bit. It did, he noticed me, stormed off and then came back and said “Im not going to do what you think I’m going to do and stormed off again.” I went to have a word with the girl, she was quietly weeping and waved me away. Fair enough, don’t want to embarrass the poor girl. Couple of minutes later she came over to say she was sorry for the drama and would it be ok if she stands with us. The drama llama suddenly clocks that she’s a very pretty girl and starts to take notice.

The train comes in, she’s going to the same place as us and she starts to tell us all about her DP and his drunken rages. The drama llama clocks on to the fact that he is no longer the centre of attention and starts to tell her all about his problems. I sat there astonished at his level of selfishness. We were in the ridiculous situation where she’s saying “Oh you poor thing” to the self centred git.

Should I tell him off or just slap him upside the head??

MajesticWhine Sun 20-Mar-16 18:57:27

He sounds quite selfish. He's had a hard time lately and drink presumably played a part, but maybe it's time to give him a bit of constructive feedback.

Maudofallhopefulness Sun 20-Mar-16 18:58:22

Yep, tell him. The world doesn't revolve around you just because you're miserable. Perhaps if he'd listened to her story it would take his mind off his troubles or make him realise his life's not so bad.

WorraLiberty Sun 20-Mar-16 19:00:51

So basically, he was on the phone having a conversation and didn't want to get involved in someone else's argument.

Then when the girl was telling him about her relationship problems, he then told her about his relationship problems too?

Is that it?

Vintage45 Sun 20-Mar-16 19:01:14

Totally engrossed in himself at the moment then isn't he. Maybe he always has been.

Hassled Sun 20-Mar-16 19:01:20

Yes, constructive feedback is definitely needed. Hard to give though - I'm in a similar position with a very old friend who, as he's got older, has got more and more self-absorbed to the extent that when I last saw him, he talked only about himself. I want to point this out to him (because he is a nice guy) but have no idea how to do it. Will be watching this thread with interest.

travellinglighter Sun 20-Mar-16 19:07:11

Hi Liberty

As conversations go it was verbal abuse. I suspected that there would be more than verbal abuse. I thought he was going to hit her. Should I stay out of it??

Vintage. I am aware that he’s more than a bit self obsessed but it’s fine when no alcohol is involved. He’s a lovely chap, do anything for you but if you’ve got an elephant then he’s got a bag to put it in.

WorraLiberty Sun 20-Mar-16 19:11:10

It's up to you whether you stay out of it - that's your choice.

But I think you're wrong to criticise your friend, because he chose not to, as he was having a telephone conversation and had had a few drinks.

You don't sound particularly supportive of him, given what he's been through.

travellinglighter Sun 20-Mar-16 19:19:40

Hi Liberty

Good point, maybe I was less than sympathetic but I have been supporting him, I have been visiting, calling and texting at every opportunity. Sensible friend and myself have come to an agreement that if we let him mope then he will be miserable as long as we put up with it. It’s long years of experience that lead us to this conclusion. So we’re starting to try and give him a sense of perspective.

WorraLiberty Sun 20-Mar-16 19:21:53

Yes that's fair enough and I'm sure a trip out to the rugby was a welcome distraction from moping.

But you said, he has been really badly cheated on by his wife of 7 months and is a little bit fragile.

Therefore I think you need to cut him some slack on this one.

Osolea Sun 20-Mar-16 19:38:05

It sounds to me like you're being a bit harsh on your friend.

Someone was talking to him about their relationship problems, he related to that and shared his problems too. I don't see anything selfish about that, you're probably just more tuned in to it because you've been supporting your friend fur a while and have likely heard everything he was saying more than once already.

travellinglighter Sun 20-Mar-16 19:53:16

Hi Osolea

You may be right but the poor girl didn’t seem to be able to tell her story. I may be a bit too judgey pants though.


It was absolutely hideous what the STBXW did but we have been emphasising the lucky escape he’s had, we’ve been repeating the point to try and stop him moping all the time. He’s about to come into a heap of money, be mortgage free and probably better paid than he is now. If we let him be miserable he’ll do it for ever.

My problem with this whole situation was that the woman appeared to be in and abusive relationship and talking to her about the fact that she didn’t have to put up with it would have been better for her than listening to my friend go on about his problems. It isn’t that he doesn’t have problems but I thought hers were more pressing than his at that time

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