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..to not want to socialise with dc's friends parents?

(22 Posts)
reservedlaydee Sun 20-Mar-16 15:34:10

My 4yo dd is good friends with my neighbour who lives a few doors away. They are a lovely couple. Great parents but just not my kinda people. They are forever asking us to come round for a few drinks or for us all to go out on a joint family outing. The truth is, i can't stand the dad! He is very loud, immature and excitable. He talks over everyone and seems incapable of mature, adult conversation. Mummy is lovely but we just don't really have any stimulating conversion.

Dp and i are quite a reserved, both WOHP and just enjoy low-key family time. i.e visting in laws, quiet restaurants etc.

Im sick and tired of saying, 'no. We're busy' or saying, its not our thing. But they just keep on and on! More him than her.
Even when he pops around, he never knows when to leave!
It's not as if we have never tried to hang out but when we have gone round, its just hours of awkward and inappropriate jokes.
I've run out of things to say and getting slowly irritated by him and we are neighbours, so no avoiding.
AIBU to be getting fed up? Any advice on how to deal with people that are overbearing??

paxillin Sun 20-Mar-16 15:39:02

You're doing the only thing you can do. "No, thank you". Keep doing it. When he pops round to pick up his kid, make sure you're busy. Now, little Millie, where's your coat, oh here, let me put it on for you, off you pop, jolly, happy bye bye! Sorry Millie's dad, no time to chat, must dash. Sitting room door closed, never gets to sit down, waits in the corridor for Millie.

hiddenhome2 Sun 20-Mar-16 15:42:35

Other parents can be tremendously pushy annoying. Just keep on with the fobbing off.

CreepingDogFart Sun 20-Mar-16 15:44:57

If it was me I would go for a couple of drinks. It's not like you're committing yourself to being best friends for eternity. It's just a couple of drinks. You need to go to theirs so you can leave- tell them you need to be home by whatever time due to bedtime for DC/ a phonecall from someone in Australia or whatever. But if you really don't want to go then you're going to have to keep making awkward excuses. Or be brutally honest and hurt their feelings/ jeapordise your child's friendship. When he makes inappropriate jokes, just blank those jokes until he stops doing it. It's embarrassing telling a joke and no one laughs so he will get the message soon enough. Unless he really is so lacking in self-awareness.

Or move house?smile

bibbitybobbityyhat Sun 20-Mar-16 15:48:04

They will give up asking eventually. Awkward though.

Vintage45 Sun 20-Mar-16 15:49:19

You don't have to mix with the parents at all. Just keep saying a firm "NO" with a smile.

reservedlaydee Sun 20-Mar-16 15:53:51

He is seriously lacking self-awareness, to the point where he comes across intoxicated!...but he isnt. His dp is lovely and often babysits. Just not very conversational. She doesn't say anything when he makes his inappropriate jokes either.
I could never do the brutally honest approach. They mean no harm..but it just amazes me how some people don't get the message and give up asking!

reservedlaydee Sun 20-Mar-16 15:57:45

...its been two years of asking, every now and then. More often in the summer.. so they definitely aren't going to stop!
My dp keeps politely saying, "yea definitely. Sounds great", i told him that doesnt help things...

bibbitybobbityyhat Sun 20-Mar-16 15:58:11

Yes, many people have a great deal of difficulty in recognising and interpreting unspoken messages from other people. I'm sure you must understand that? If you don't want to be direct then you just have to be patient/bear with him. You can't have it both ways!

Floggingmolly Sun 20-Mar-16 15:58:24

They babysit for you? That could be blurring the lines a little bit, they probably imagine you are friends already. If you want to keep your distance socially I don't think this is helping?

Vintage45 Sun 20-Mar-16 16:02:47

Now you've just changed my perspective on this. She babysits for you? Do you pay her or is it a favour? Maybe you need to just say yes to a couple of things now and again.

paxillin Sun 20-Mar-16 16:11:07

Do you babysit as much for her as she does for you? If not, she might be doing a favour to someone she believes to be a friend. In which case, do join in or don't have her babysit.

reservedlaydee Sun 20-Mar-16 16:13:02

Yes. We pay her for very occasional babysitting. But it's never more than school pick up for 2-4 hours. Nothing more.
I'm not one for sitting around people that speak over me or make me feel uncomfortable. We've done it with them and couldn't wait to leave!

paxillin Sun 20-Mar-16 16:16:03

Oh, you pay her. Keep at it with "no, thank you".

Vintage45 Sun 20-Mar-16 16:21:10

Yep, back to the no thank you's.

pigeonpoo Sun 20-Mar-16 16:31:18

Just keep being assertive... Nothing else you can do really.

If they ask why one day just pass yourself off as socially awkward wink and a loner

OzzieFem Sun 20-Mar-16 16:57:13

Sounds like the neighbours wife is not very conversational because she never get's a word in edgewise at home!

nearlyreadytopop Sun 20-Mar-16 17:09:31

What's a WHOP?

reservedlaydee Sun 20-Mar-16 17:10:01

Yep Ozziefem, could well be. I am confused at the attraction sometimes. But they do say opposites attract!
I will continue with the, no thank yous but from their little comments, i think they think we're boring.. They say things like, 'come on, get involved. No excuses'. Its getting pushy now confused

reservedlaydee Sun 20-Mar-16 17:15:09

WOHP is a work away from home parent (i think). They are a very outdoors-ey family. We aren't as much. Quite like our days off to chill and run errands. Then dc outdoor fun time every now and then.
They are out wind, rain or shine!

Throwingshadeagain Sun 20-Mar-16 17:45:49

Awks. Can you keep on fending them off but do the occasional 'lovely we'll pop in for drink on our way to X, before we watch/do X' so it's a finite amount of time, never more than an hour? Or could you disarm them with honesty but put it diplomatically so 'sorry we can't come, I know we are always saying no but we are a bit odd, we just like our own company, not big on going out, sorry!'

allowlsthinkalot Mon 21-Mar-16 09:49:37

So they're good enough to solve your childcare issue but not good enough to have a couple of drinks with or go to the park all together? Nice.
It wouldn't kill you. You don't have to be best friends but friendly is nice if you can manage it.

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