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AIBU not to give them a lift?

(32 Posts)
Joolsy Sun 20-Mar-16 11:32:16

DD1 and her 2 friends (12) were going to catch a bus for the 1st time into town. I dropped her off at friend's house in plenty of time, however, the 2 friends decided to start doing their breakfast when we arrived. Friend's mum and I kept warning them they would miss the bus if they didn't hurry up. They finally left the house with minutes to spare, and surprise surprise, they missed the bus. Friend's mum then asked me to run them into town in my car. I refused, saying that they should have been more organised (this was late morning, so plenty of time to have breakfast before we arrived). I felt bad for DD1 but she seemed fine about it & happy to wait for next bus an hour later. Friend's mum called me "mean" as she was going to collect them from town later and thought I should do my bit. I said she didn't need to collect them as they could get the bus back! She said "ah but I'm a nice mummy" and I said "so am I"! I think it's an important life lesson to make sure you leave enough time to catch a bus without mum always there to pick up the pieces if you miss it. Was IBU?

IceMaiden73 Sun 20-Mar-16 11:35:21

I think if it's the first time then yes I would have given them a lift, but made it very clear that it is a one off and they need to learn from it

Birdsgottafly Sun 20-Mar-16 11:38:09

This is how you learn to time buses, by missing them. If transport is limited where you are, then they need to get their timings right, more so than my teens did, with buses every fifteen minutes.

I was going to say that you were being mean, but they should only be getting a lift one way, this will help to build so they can be more independent over the Summer.

You've got ages until they can even ride Mopeds.

wowfudge Sun 20-Mar-16 11:38:15

No - the other mum is setting herself up for a stack of trouble as her DD gets older too. I don't really understand why you hung around after dropping off. If you had left then the conversation wouldn't even have happened.

Joolsy Sun 20-Mar-16 11:39:31

I hung around for a cuppa as she's a friend of mine and hadn't seen her for a while. I soon left though!

Jw35 Sun 20-Mar-16 11:42:30

She was rude to you! Be a mean mummy op that way your dd will learn responsibility and that's so important!
Can you imagine if you bail them out what will be their incentive to make the bus in time next time? No I think you were right but it's out of order for the other mum to put pressure on you and call you mean

curren Sun 20-Mar-16 11:42:43

Yanbu. I wouldn't have done it either.

Sparklingbrook Sun 20-Mar-16 11:44:47

Why couldn't friends Mum take them in if she was that bothered?

Joolsy Sun 20-Mar-16 11:49:38

Sparkling - she did!

JolseBaby Sun 20-Mar-16 12:02:19

More fool her then!

Sparklingbrook Sun 20-Mar-16 12:05:01

How are they getting home?

OneMillionScovilles Sun 20-Mar-16 12:06:30

Wow - she was barely putting the 'passive' into 'passive agressive'... YWNBU.

peggyundercrackers Sun 20-Mar-16 12:07:30

sorry I think it sounds a bit mean. yes people need to learn how to do things themselves but I don't know anyone IRL who would have left them waiting at a bus stop for an hour - I guess people say all sorts on the internet though.

Anniegetyourgun Sun 20-Mar-16 12:07:54

YANBU. Useful life lesson for a 12 year old: make sure you miss the bus so you get a nice comfy lift door to door. That's really going to help them learn to be punctual on their own initiative isn't it hmm

Evabeaversprotege Sun 20-Mar-16 12:07:55

I would've but we live very rurally & there wouldn't have been another bus for hours.

My dd (14) get a bus at 9.13 on a Saturday for a class that starts at 11 as there see no 10am buses. It's what you do here.

A lift one way is different, I would often pick her up after her activity if I am in town anyway, but would never make a special trip just to pick her up.

Sparklingbrook Sun 20-Mar-16 12:08:27

I think going in for a drink with the friends Mum was a mistake and not one to be repeated. Drop and drive off from now on.

bloodyteenagers Sun 20-Mar-16 12:09:34

Great life lesson.
Faff around, miss bus, not a problem mum will give me a lift.
Next week, faff, won't even bother walking to the bus stop will just get mum to give me a lift.

ProcrastinatorGeneral Sun 20-Mar-16 12:10:31

I would have laughed and ignored. Children can't learn if they're coddled like fools.

ProcrastinatorGeneral Sun 20-Mar-16 12:11:06

Laughed at and ignored the other parent that is. Just to clarify.

OnlyLovers Sun 20-Mar-16 12:12:05

No, YANBU, and tbh your friend's comment was a bit twattish.

I don't think it does kids any favours to ferry them about in cars all the time; how are they meant to learn to take responsibility for getting themselves about?

Birdsgottafly Sun 20-Mar-16 12:12:33

""but I don't know anyone IRL who would have left them waiting at a bus stop for an hour - I guess people say all sorts on the internet""

I took it that they could have went back the house for a bit, or killed time in the way that teens do.

Sparklingbrook Sun 20-Mar-16 12:14:04

I assumed they returned to the house too. They didn't have to wait at the bus stop for the whole hour.

Jw35 Sun 20-Mar-16 12:16:33

I say what they think on the Internet, no reason to lie! My 12 year old would have to wait for the next bus!

Arfarfanarf Sun 20-Mar-16 12:20:19

Do you think perhaps they did it so that they would get a lift in instead?
Maybe they were a bit nervous about the bus in the end or wanted a quicker ride.
Sometimes dawdling is intentional grin

ClarenceTheLion Sun 20-Mar-16 12:23:09

Perhaps the friends mother didn't want them at home for another hour, presumably your dd was being dropped off in time to catch the bus?

But then it's still on the other family for dragging their feet and being late.

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