My parents spilt when i was 3, i saw my dad every other week. I love him to bits but he's not the most talkative person ever, were both on the quiet side, but he's extreme and will only come out of his shell if he's had a pint.
He's Very routine orientated and gets upset if his routine is messed about with, which is annoying to the rest of us, but we just have got used to putting up with it. Everything is about him and his ways, there is no room for manoeuvre with ds's needs or mine.
His partner sadly died a few years ago, up until then we had only spoke on the phone twice a month at most. I was never included in their life together, it was very much them and her 4 children. (who now only send a xmas card for the sake of their inheritance). so to suddenly have him back so much is a complete and utter shock and it's like sitting with a stranger as he doesn't open up or try to chat.
Around the time she passed away I gave birth to my ds, who is now nearly 4. as he was grieving so badly I just wanted to help in anyway he could, he would arrive at 7am some days when id had no sleep and just wanted to go back to bed. he isnt the type of person to just hand over the baby to, he really hasn't a clue and only wants to know about the fun side like taking him the shops for sweets - he thinks thats all you have to do with ds to entertain him. So anyway 3 years on and his visits have progressed to tuesdays, fridays and sun or sat, only mornings, he has to visit between 9.30 and 10 otherwise he wont come out.
He's here an hour max then looks at his watch and says well I best be off. he will hardly chat, i ask him if he has any plans - they only ever include going to the pub to see his mates or going to see his new lady friend, apart from this he has no hobbies. So for 3 years he has come for 3 hours a week, on some occasions he has taken ds out for a walk but is back within an hour, then ds would be asleep so that was pretty much my whole day taken up by him and his visits. on the days I was going out he would usually be here waiting for us when i got back.
Ds is in nursery 2 days a week or I think my dad would be here on those days too. Its not like we have a break from each other and then have something to chat about when he comes again. He has absolutely no clue what to do with ds at all and isn't willing to learn. family members understand my pain and have asked him to take ds up to there's to give me a break but he refuses to put ds in a car seat as he says " I can't learn how to do that at my age". He's so restrictive that I now hate the days I know he's visiting.
Ds will be starting school full time in september so these are the final few months with him where we are free to do what we want and not have a school timetable to stick to, I want to be spontaneous and go for days out if the weathers nice, so my plan is to tell him ds is doing a few more mornings to get him used to school. Dp thinks I'm a bitch and he's my dad and i should just put up with it, but i'm also trying to balance seeing my mum (who is also grieving right now but in no way gets the same attention i gave my dad, because of my dad!) and my in aws who barely get to see ds. and the place ds loves going more than anything is to the in laws house.
he doesnt take note when i say that i'm going to certain places, I get he's lonely but 4 years on I think he should be able to pick up hobbies etc to fill his time. when he's here it feels like he doesn't want to be and I just cannot go on much longer. I missed out on so much when ds was a baby that looking back I wish id done - baby groups etc, for my own sanity. Ive spoke to family members who agree that I couldn't just tell him to stop visiting, he's the type of person it would destroy, but this doing extra days thing would work i think, just dp has had a go at me for being a bitch.
sorry for the long thread but didn't want to drip feed
AIBU?
To lie to my dad to stop him from visiting so much
Buddahbelly · 20/03/2016 10:38
The morning bit - was more when ds was still napping. he would never sleep in his pram so I was restricted to staying at home so he'd go in his cot.
We would be up around 7, my dad came at 10am, stayed for a bit, then would take him out about half 11, bring him back for dinner then he'd be asleep until 2/3. all that time i've sat in!
Most of the baby groups finish around here by 3. I just think i've missed out on so much.
plus the lie would only be for another 5 months. I don't know how he will cope come september when he wont be visiting here, as ill be moving from2 days part time to full time work.
Ive tried to get him to come for tea - anything really to change up his routine, but nothing. he came once and has refused every offer since, my cookings bad but noones been put in hospital yet 
eva cos its an hour of sitting in silence. Its like torture. and its been this way for 3 years and i really cannot take another visit of silence.
I dont think I could take visits this much from anyone actually so its not just my dad, its the fact he feels he HAS to visit as he started doing it so now its in his routine for the week. sometimes he's sick, he still comes.
Like yesterday for example, I called him to say leave it today as ds was sick, he'd been up since 4am and was asleep and Ii didn't want him to catch whatever he had. he then tells me well its just fr the best as he did not feel that great either.
He comes whether he's sick or not because its his routine and that's what he must do. I've asked him to stay away when he feels ill so ds doesn't catch it (fil undergoing chemo so if ds is sick it means he cant visit fil). he doesn't listen to me though.
I also couldn't just drop into his house to visit him like a normal relationship, he dosnt like me going as ds runs up and down his stairs and it tires my dad out 
he should try having him for a full day!
Do you know any nice social groups /clubs that take place for his age group? Could you find one and take him along so he could meet other people? He sounds a bit shy and set in his ways - maybe he just needs a bit of encouragement to get out there.
Are there any clubs at the pub for instance? Darts etc?
Do you know any single ladies of his age?
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