Fussy child(82 Posts)
My friends child is 6. She has asked me to look after him after school one afternoon per week, that's fine. However, he's treated as a little prince at home and as a consequence is very fussy. He refuses to eat anything other than sandwiches, even then they have to have crusts cut off and be white bread
My children have a couple of things they don't like/preferences but on the whole they eat what they are given and we tend to have something hot for dinner, which friends son refuses to eat. So rather than make him go hungry I made him a sandwich.
Aibu to think it's important for children to have varied food and not be too indulged/fussy? He has no Sen, just very precious (and more than happy to bark out orders about what he will/won't eat )
quite frankly, how your friend raises her child, or anyone elses, is really non of your business.
If you're going to look after people, why should they be expected to eat what everyone else does? If its too much bother for you to cater for him, either tell her to provide the food, or don't look after him. He's 6 fgs, if he was a teenager, i'd understand, but he's bloody 6!
I had a kid round the other day who for all they were offered went nuts over dry toast and I couldn't persuade anything else past his lips
I kicked myself for trying afterwards. 1 meal a week will make no odds and the battle belongs to his parents, not me.
I think if you're looking after someone every single week, I would treat them as I treat my own kids.
As in, you get what you're given.
I think I'd get in a small amount of something I know he'd eat but on a plate with whatever you're DC are having.
My son will pretend to gag if I offer him a carrot. Found out at nursery, & grandmas he will wolf them down
Why on earth are you worrying about his diet? thats his parents' problem. he is having one meal a week with you. Give him a sandwich and find something bigger to stress over. This doesnt actually matter.
Yanbu, for one night a week you're doing her a favour and he sound eat what he's given
I'm at only white bread with crusts off though, seriously?
I'd explain to your friend that you're happy to include him in the meal you prepare for the family. If she'd rather he ate what he likes then could she provide it for him.
Just push the ball back in her court. If it was occasional or just a friend over I'd be willing to accommodate but for a regular arrangement why should you have to be put out? Also, it would mean your kids won't be able to ask for what he's having as you're not the one providing it. And, yes I'd have a problem with mine having sandwiches for their evening meal as they have packed lunches and I prefer the, to have a hot evening meal.
Actually its not about his diet. You dont like the child. Why you've agreed to look after him is beyond me. Especially if youre going to gripe about it.
Ask your friend to supply something for him to eat at your house, then you don't need to even think about it.
His diet needn't be of any concern to you.
I don't understand your angst here- it is easy to provide a white bread sandwich, so why not do it? I have a friend whose child eats only white bread with two spreads on it and did so for many years, I just gave him bread and butter if there was nothing he would eat when at our house. My children ate their normal meals, he had his bread and butter.
I would never ever ask someone to provide food for their child when it is something so bog standard. It's embarrassing, and shows you are more concerned about judging the child and the parenting than making sure he's comfortable and coming to your house is no big deal.
OP, I am amazed how many adults have absolutely no manners and are happy to refuse to eat something when they are invited for diner, with an very rude "no, I don't like it".
If you can expect the parents to have the most basic manners, there's no hope in the world the children will be any different.
There's nothing you can do about it. People like this are not re-invited in my house, my children are taught to behave better than that and will have an easier life for it. It's a difficult one because that boy gives an awful example to your own children, but you have to explain gently that no everybody behaves correctly.
If I didn't reinvite children who had their likes and dislikes food wise my DC would never have any friends back round at all.
If it was my child coming to you OP I would supply a sandwich for him so you didn't have to fuss about it. What time does she pick him up again?
Christ people really do get a bee in their bonnet about what other people put in their mouths! if you are inviting someone to dinner surely you check they are ok with what you plan to serve? Its bad manners on your part to serve guests something and expect them to eat it whether they like it or not. Why would you want guests to be so uncomfortable? They are people you like, no?
I agree Rude, when we have people round and we are to feed them we ask what they would like, and they ask us when we go to theirs. Not everyone likes the same things and it's a bit rude to assume.
When the DC were little I would ask the parents what their child would like for dinner when they came after school.
if you are inviting someone to dinner surely you check they are ok with what you plan to serve?
We are invited by friends or work colleagues rather regularly, and I've NEVER been asked my opinion about the menu beforehand! Is that a thing? You do tell your hostess about food allergies, but food you dislike? Weird.
Don't know about it being a thing, it's just something we and all our friends have always done, because it's a nice thing to do to ask what people like to eat.
Hate the idea of people choking down food they don't like out of politeness or worry that people think they are fussy.
Is that a thing?
Yes its a thing called consideration. Or do you have meals for reasons other than wanting to eat food you like?
You do tell your hostess about food allergies, but food you dislike? Weird.
No, you dont list your dislikes. When asked if X food is OK for everyone you either say yes or no. Its not weird. I would be mortified to serve someone a meal they didnt like but felt they had to eat because they were to afraid to say otherwise. Food is to be enjoyed not endured.
For a one off I indulge visiting kids. If this is once a week every week it's hardly a dinner invitation though. It's more a favour to OP's friend. If he's there over dinner, give him what everyone has. Obviously check if there's anything he genuinely won't eat. Having to make two different meals would be a deal breaker for me. As would be training my own kids that enough fuss gets them a weekly white bread no crusts sandwich together with fussy friend.
Wow, I must be mixing with inconsiderate people, I've never heard of such things before mumsnet. I am actually impressed, for my last diner party last week we had 6 couples around, which would have meant planning a menu around 12 different people, not including us? That sounds exhausting.
I prefer to teach my kids old fashion manners, to ensure they are at ease wherever they go. Life is so much easier that way.
Wow, I must be mixing with inconsiderate people.
Looks that way.
How can you be at ease eating something you don't like? thats not manners, thats just choking it down and suffering in silence. Saying nothing doesnt make you like the food!
For the 12 (14) people you can just go with general all round winners. Not exhausting.
You're implying that he's only fussy because you think he's spoilt & indulged & for that YABU. Of course a child ideally would be eating a more varied diet & he may well do at home . It's really not your problem or your judgement to make. You will be feeding him for 1 meal per week, so you just need to accommodate him in the way that works best for you. IMO your options are:
1)Give all the children the sandwiches
2)Make him a sandwich & give the others what you'd normally give them
3)Make what you'd normally make for all of them & the child will eat it or not eat it & he can have something when he gets home
4)Ask his parents to supply him with something they know he will eat.
Maybe it's because I have a restricted eater (autism) but the first thing I ask anyone I'm going to feed is "what would you like to eat" and the second being "is there anything you don't like."
If I'm babysitting I also ask "are you providing food?"
""AIBU to think it's important for children to have varied food and not be too indulged/fussy? ""
I'm still in touch with people from my childhood, in 48, my youngest is 18 and I had a stream of my three children's friends through my house.
I've learned that it isn't worth stressing about. Safeguarding their teeth is the only thing worth focusing on.
Many of my friends had very restricted diets, because of poverty and lack of availability, they grew into Adults that eat a wide ranging diet that their parents wouldn't recognise, likewise all of the fussy eaters.
The kids that were fed healthy cooked from scratched diets, ate rubbish as teens and young twenty year olds, now, because they've all hit thirty, they're back on health kicks.
I never ate seeded bread, vegetables, or tasted Curry until I was in my thirties, I'm now Vegan and my diet is mainly Indian/Asian/Creole curries.
The stuff I eat now wasn't readily available until around six years ago.
Eating habits aren't set in childhood.
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