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to have another baby.?

(24 Posts)
user5512343212 Sat 19-Mar-16 17:04:49

I have two Dds 10 and 7, I currently work part time hours although everyday, only during school hours. My Dh has been made redundant but gets the odd job here and there but nothing consistent. I'm desperate for another baby but the time never seems to be right financially.
Would it be selfish for me to have another child, it would mean that we would have to sacrifice holidays and days out. I know my two Dds should be priority and I want to make sure I can provide them with a good lifestyle.
So would I being unreasonable to just go for it, I worry if it's not now it will never happen.

PennyHasNoSurname Sat 19-Mar-16 17:11:19

Gosh with a 7 and 10 year old you are out of the Dark Days (as I like to lightheartedly call them). Do you want to get back into the thick of Little Ones?

If so, and your dh, then why not. At least if he is still not working childcare costs wont be an issue.

Arfarfanarf Sat 19-Mar-16 17:11:24

I would wait until he at least has a steady job tbh. Or if you get ft and he becomes sahd.
There's spreading a little around and there's having little to spread around iyswim.
Im sure it will happen but its not jyst about your wish for another baby as you say yourself. Its about how it impacts on the whole family.
What's your husband's view? Does he want another child?

Xmasbaby11 Sat 19-Mar-16 17:12:52

It's not a good time if your DH doesn't have a steady income. I'd wait - there's going to be a big age gap anyway.

How does your DH feel?

ThroughThickAndThin01 Sat 19-Mar-16 17:14:58

Thats too big a gap for me. And your situation isnt very favourable. I wouldn't actively plan a baby in your circumstances.

Cheby Sat 19-Mar-16 17:16:24

I wouldn't. Like you say, your two existing children should come first and their quality of life and security will be impacted by having another child when you're not financially stable.

Is your age a factor in wanting to have one right now or could you wait until your DH is in work?

user5512343212 Sat 19-Mar-16 17:18:54

Thank you for the replies, my Dh would love another one but also wants to be financially stable. I guess I am just worried about a huge age gap, although it's pretty big. I just know if it doesn't happen in the next year or two it won't.
I can't go full time because although he is not working he still has the odd job here and there and he can earn more in day then I would in a week.

witsender Sat 19-Mar-16 17:24:29

Wait until he has a job. Or you go full time.

cocochanel21 Sat 19-Mar-16 17:37:09

I'd wait until your more financially stable. I've got a 23year age gap between my ddsshock.

Babies are expensive, especially if your buying everything again.

curren Sat 19-Mar-16 17:39:38

I have 8 years between my two. It's fine and suits us. I wouldn't however be planning a baby when we only have 1 pt job between us.

What are you going to do on mat leave pay?

No days out? That would put me right off. This is just my opinion though.

PlaymobilPirate Sat 19-Mar-16 17:42:57

I wouldn't - I'm surprised that the jobs you both have can sustain the 4 of you, never mind an extra baby.

agentmillion Sat 19-Mar-16 17:43:38

I have two Dds aged 13 and 6 and am currently pregnant with Dd3. it will impact our family in terms of not being able to do quite as much with the older two, but I am determined to still give them quality time. I would have loved smaller age gaps but miscarriages and life meant it didn't work out that way. YANBU in terms of age gap in my opinion, families come in all shapes and sizes and you just make it work.

Financially is a different matter, is your DH's job situation likely to improve anytime soon? Could you go back full time to leave him as a Sahd? It depends how much your DDs lose out on really. When I had Dd1 I was at university and my now DH had a part time job. My DM said 'you cut your cloth to fit' and we did and got by. We now both have successful careers and earn good money. Circumstances change. I would say go for it, but then I've never been very sensible.

OzzieFem Sat 19-Mar-16 18:42:04

So if you had a baby then you would have to give up your part time job, rely on your husbands occasional part time work and benefits. You would also be dealing with the usual baby problems, your eldest heading towards her menses and possible 11+, plus potential sibling envy of new baby. hmm

IceBeing Sat 19-Mar-16 18:45:37

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Smilecherishdream2016 Sat 19-Mar-16 19:11:19

What Icebeing hmm

nanetterose Sat 19-Mar-16 19:21:51

Your financial situation is very rocky.
What are your plans, should you become pregnant?
This government is hell bent on removing any trace of tax credits for most families.
The age gap (however) is totally irrelevant.

Mumof2twoboys Sat 19-Mar-16 19:22:15

I have a 10 year old and 9 month old

Main thing I found is can't go to the cinema but days out are ok. It's just hard work though because the older child is always talking and the baby is crying and i can't give either full on attention. Baby gets all the attention while oldest at school then have to help him with his homework and can't play with the baby at times.

I have no regrets but it is hard work with lack of sleep and I am separated atm after a disastrous family holiday I spent a fortune on

I find it hard but their dad seems to have cracked up and lost the plot confused

I would only do it if you are sure your family can survive on no sleep and less money as baby wakes the whole house

I love my children but honestly going back to lack of sleep and always feeling exhausted and not being able to get to the gym etc. It's not easy and I had forgotten how hard it can be

Farandole Sat 19-Mar-16 19:30:23

YABU. One part-time salary isn't enough to sustain a family of five.

VoldysGoneMouldy Sat 19-Mar-16 19:40:44

Do you own your house? Is your housing situation steady?

If it is, I'd go for it. It might not be the most popular opinion on here, and I'm sure it won't be easy. But TTC, even after it happening in the past with no problem, can take years. And if you really want another child, you should go for it, whilst your husband looks for a full time job as a priority.

dickiedavisthunderthighs Sat 19-Mar-16 19:41:04

This is probably your hormones talking; ignore them. If you have another baby in your situation you'll be making life very hard for your older children; not only will it be massively disruptive but they'll also lose their days out and fun stuff. They'll associate the baby with negativity which may stay with them for years; do you think it's worth it?

lougle Sat 19-Mar-16 19:41:30

Tricky. I have 3 children 10 and under (1 with SN) and I wouldn't willingly go back into the baby days. With the way in work benefits are trending, I wouldn't want to make myself more vulnerable, either.

Roonerspism Sat 19-Mar-16 19:47:36

I have a small age gap with mine. I wouldn't change anything but Christ, I'm exhausted.

I was thinking the other day how bigger age gaps might be easier for the parents. Older ones at school, toilet trained, sleep well etc so you only have one tiny.

I'm a bit "fuck it, why not" about these things! Told DH I would like a fourth this morning but he declined confused

Mumof2twoboys Sat 19-Mar-16 19:49:44

I own my own house but the worst part for me is just the exhaustion. I've lost all my free time and it just never seems to end. There is always more washing or bottles or something else with a baby.

I would only do it if u think u will be able to cope well. It's true what everyone says u forget how tough looking after a baby is when they are older it's easy to look back and think it wasn't that bad haha

Do u have any young children in the family u could offer to babysit to remind yourself how exhausting it is

Joolsy Sat 19-Mar-16 19:53:55

I have quite a large age gap with mine and there are plus and minus points, as with all age gaps I think. I am starting to get some independence back so I don't think I could go back to the nappy stage. If all you're going to be sacrificing are holidays and days out, that's not much to give up, at least until your OH gets a secure job. Personally we just go to the park and the library most of the time as they're free!

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