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To think my children would be better raised by me

(383 Posts)
kidscomefirstendof Sat 19-Mar-16 14:34:49

AIBU to think my children will be better off being raised by me, without a load of boyfriends, stepdads, and so on?

I feel it will be more stable for them to have one adult than someone who they don't even know living in their space?

BillSykesDog Sat 19-Mar-16 14:38:03


PennyHasNoSurname Sat 19-Mar-16 14:38:34

Eh? Why are those the only two options?

kidscomefirstendof Sat 19-Mar-16 14:39:13

What do you mean Penny?

MargaretHale Sat 19-Mar-16 14:39:35

Are those the only options? Raise them alone or have 'a load of boyfriends, stepdads etc' they don't even know?

MargaretHale Sat 19-Mar-16 14:39:53

X posted with Penny.

kidscomefirstendof Sat 19-Mar-16 14:40:22

No of course not but if you are alone AIBU to think it's better to stay that way than date? A lot of people can't seem to fathom I don't want a partner.

PennyHasNoSurname Sat 19-Mar-16 14:40:39

What do I mean? How is that in any way confusing?

You list two alternatives - raised by you or living with a stream of random men.

There are more alternatives.

PennyHasNoSurname Sat 19-Mar-16 14:41:16

But dating is entirely separate to parading randoms around witb your kids.

If you are doing it right anyways.

Can you clarify the current situation? I am assuming you don't have custody, and your ex does, and you believe your ex has had/is having a series of live-in boyfriends - is that what you are saying?

In general terms, I would say that stability is better for children, and it's not good for either parent to introduce them to a quick succession of new partners. But when a marriage/relationship breaks up, there is nothing wrong with the ex partners forming new relationships - however, they need to be careful and sensitive about introducing their new partner to the child/ren.

SaucyJack Sat 19-Mar-16 14:41:45

You may not be U in theory, but I like sex personally, so I put my kids last and moved a strange man in.

KondosSecretJunkRoom Sat 19-Mar-16 14:42:14

My preference is to hand them over to the wolves at birth and have them brought back when they can do jobs around the house and fix a good g&t.


kidscomefirstendof Sat 19-Mar-16 14:42:28

No SDT, I just mean that assuming you're not with your children's father, it's better and more stable for the children to have one consistent adult than one adult and a stepdad, a boyfriend etc.

MrsTerryPratchett Sat 19-Mar-16 14:44:18

So confused. Are you a man or a woman? Are you arguing that you, as opposed to the other 'dating' parent, are more fit or that you won't date because this makes you a better parent? Because if it's the latter, do what you want; stay single if that's your choice. If it's the former, YABU.

HandsomeGroomGiveHerRoom Sat 19-Mar-16 14:44:33

Don't you get bored, Saucy? I have to change mine every fortnight, otherwise it all gets a bit tedious wink

Op, I have a boyfriend. He even stays over shock

He is no more raising my child than any other of my friends is. Stay single if you like, but it's not essential.

MrsTerryPratchett Sat 19-Mar-16 14:45:03

X posted

BastardGoDarkly Sat 19-Mar-16 14:45:19

You can have a boyfriend though? If you keep him separate until such a time that you're sure he's a permanent fixture.

It's not either single or string of men is it?

What a strange question.

SirChenjin Sat 19-Mar-16 14:47:24

Can't you just get a babysitter in and go on the occasional date, and then once you've met a lovely bloke that you like and you've been dating for a while and it becomes reasonably serious then introduce him to your kids? confused

Or is that not how the young folks do it anymore?

"No SDT, I just mean that assuming you're not with your children's father, it's better and more stable for the children to have one consistent adult than one adult and a stepdad, a boyfriend etc."

So someone whose ex had cheated on them /abused them/left them/whatever should never have another relationship? If that's what you are saying, that would be very unreasonable, I'm afraid.

The sensible thing would be to have relationships/dates when the children were with the NRP or with a babysitter, and to take your time to make sure that a relationship is solid, stable etc before introducing them to the children. And when you do introduce them, take it slowly, make the early meetings on neutral territory, not at home, and don't consider moving in together until you are sure the relationship is long term and the do are comfortable with the other person.

Trills Sat 19-Mar-16 14:48:56

Loads of stepdads?

How many times are you considering getting married?

You're not sounding very coherent here.

kidscomefirstendof Sat 19-Mar-16 14:49:01

I'm a woman.

I'm sure I could, SirChenjin I just don't want to and I think it's not in the best interests of children to have a parent, either parent, more interested in their love life than their children and I find it sad how many people seem shocked by this.

Vixxfacee Sat 19-Mar-16 14:49:20

You can date and children know nothing. Then IF you find someone that you can progress with then you get to know him for a LONG time before introducing children, getting pregnant etc.

Being alone is preferable to your children seeing different men in and out of your life.

Damn you autocorrect - that last sentence should be "...and the DC are comfortable..."

dolkapots Sat 19-Mar-16 14:49:41

Of course YANBU. I'm sure the majority of people would agree that one stable person rather than "a load of" boyfirends/stepdad's etc is best for a child.

kidscomefirstendof Sat 19-Mar-16 14:51:06

Maybe it is unreasonable STG but it is how I feel mostly. Hard to explain, I guess I draw a distinction between someone who doesn't live with their child's other parent and then just maybe a few years later happens to meet someone at work or whatever and someone who splits with them and then immediately has to find someone else, but that probably is unfair. But it's not my choice yet lots of people think I'm massively unreasonable.

I guess I just try to think, what would I have wanted as a child.

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