to change arrangements for DD with ExP?!

(4 Posts)
clashofclanswidow Sat 19-Mar-16 10:33:15

Getting seriously fed up with ExP lack of consideration for having his DD, especially when I'm pregnant with the second that he has abandoned for OW!

I have bit my tongue so much I'm surprised I have any tongue left! This is for DD's sake, not mine - I'd kill him if it didn't mean prison. Sorry, very annoyed right now!

Original arrangement was he would have her weekly, Wednesday nights and Sat lunch-Sun lunch - he wanted this.

So far, this month alone (previous times have been canx also) he has cancelled the two Wednesdays (only had her Weds just gone) through illness and another crap excuse for not managing his time better!

Now today I receive a message saying he might not be able to have her this weekend as he is poorly again?!

Now is it me, as her Mother and therefore biased, that if I was not in DD's life on a daily basis - you would want to move hell or high water to see your child?! Poorly or not? I know it is hard watching a child when you're ill but we're not talking hospitalisation, he has man flu!

Well aware it could be influence of OW and her kids but not getting into that - my issue is him!

From his actions alone this month I am severely considering adjusting the times she goes to alternate Wednesdays (week 1) and every other weekend (week 2)

Is this a massive over-reaction on my part? She is only 2, so I don't think she is very aware of whats goes on but I am fed up of her being messed around and put second!

DD is often poorly and he seems to like to use this as an excuse for "maybe I shouldn't have her then" as well.

Hoping if it was changed to even less responsibility, he might actually stick to it and it would be less stress because I have the newborn to consider soon as well and not going to take so kindly to being messed about!!! ARGH!

ClaireLumia Sat 19-Mar-16 12:29:18

If I were you I wouldn't tell him you're reducing contact time as I think in later years he'll use that to blame you for him seeing less of your DC. I'd just plan your life assuming that he won't be seeing your DC and if he decides he wants to see her then let him if it's convenient for you.

Ready123 Sat 19-Mar-16 13:53:16

He is behaving terribly. He is her father - he has a responsibility to have her on the days arranged. As a parent you can't simply decide not to look after your children for a day because you are ill!

So I think YANBU to try to have a calm discussion with him about what his access actually means, and to tell him that if he cannot absolutely commit to the days agreed he will need to scale back the agreed contact. But I also agree with ClaireLumia that you should make it clear that he can see her more than this if it is convenient for you.

The point is that you need to be able to arrange your life as well. It is not fair to either you or your DC for him to cancel at the last minute with bad excuses. He needs to commit to having full responsibility on the agreed days, and if he can't do that then he'll need to come up with a different arrangement that he can 100% commit to.

RandomMess Sat 19-Mar-16 14:00:39

Is he paying reduced maintenance as he's supposed to have her 2 nights per week?

Just wondered if that is why he asked for 2 and keeps cancelling rather than reducing it...

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