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to ask if the law has changed on grandparents rights?

(64 Posts)
pigeonpoo Fri 18-Mar-16 23:01:31

I'm trying to go NC with EA mother.

Latest trick from her is this text: "Not received. You do realise the law has changed and I will go to court to make sure <my child's name> knows I wanted to see him and get access and that if you cut ties wit"

There will no doubt be more emotional blackmail.

Has the law changed? Does she have any rights?

VoldysGoneMouldy Fri 18-Mar-16 23:03:52

No, she has no rights at all.

I'm sorry you're having to deal with this. Is changing your phone number an option?

Sistedtwister Fri 18-Mar-16 23:05:08

Hi, I found this


WhoDrewOnTheWall Fri 18-Mar-16 23:08:24

As far as I'm aware she has no rights. MIL made some noises about this a while ago when we went NC for the final time but was reminded that if she did then every single reason for being NC would be dredged up in court. She must have decided that the world of shit it would bring her way wasn't worth it, that or she was never really that bothered about the DC. Either way it's no great loss.

If you're going to go NC then might I suggest adding her number to your blocked callers list so that she can't contact you, it's easy enough to do on an Android (not sure about iPhone because I don't have one of those). Also blacklist her on social media and ignore any attempts at contact. It's hard going but ultimately worth it once you're free of the EA.

AgentZigzag Fri 18-Mar-16 23:09:08

I think there might have been a couple of cases where the GP have taken parents to court but I don't think they were successful (might be wrong).

She's trying to manipulate you into obeying her, oldest trick in the book, the fact that you're concerned enough to post on here is evidence of what she's been like in the past.

The only way to shake off someone like this is ignore, ignore ignore.

Don't let her in, don't play the game, start living your life without all this shit.

wizzywig Fri 18-Mar-16 23:09:20

Hope it hasnt changed.

pigeonpoo Fri 18-Mar-16 23:09:28

Oh bloody hell. My mother would definitely put me through dragging it into a court even though both myself and my DH who I'm seperated from would both object and be able to demonstrate a history of emotional abuse

The woman has broken me.

I can change my number. I can block my number. I just have to be firm enough to stick it out. I always get dragged back by some other well meaning relative

pigeonpoo Fri 18-Mar-16 23:17:56

Iv had another 5 texts since replying on here - all implying that I am harming my child, letting him think he's been rejected, that he's emotionally damaged because he ran at her like he was going to punch her on their last contact....

Yes he did. He's 3. It concerns me hugely. That I allowed my 3 year old to be in a position he felt like he had to protect his mother and ran at his grandma as she was shouting at his mother all kinds of madness FFS!!!!

I'm outing myself but I really don't fucking care if she reads this. I practically hope she does! And sees that is exactly why she's not going to be in his life. I cannot trust myself to protect him from that type of situation. I'm not strong enough! I have to be NC

WhoDrewOnTheWall Fri 18-Mar-16 23:21:18

The well meaning relatives are a pain in the backside. We had FIL, ex-DH of MIL, telling DH that he should forgive her because she's family and "you know what she's like". Various friends of he family and relatives tried the lines of she's your mum and you only get one, be the bigger person and forgive, and so on. Then at Christmas and birthdays and when DS was born the emotional blackmail of "your mum has said she would like to see the kids, it would mean such a lot to her <violin music, sad eyes>...." It means so much that she had to hand down an order to a third party to pass a message along to us.

We stuck with a firm "this is between us and MIL, we know you mean well but please try not to interfere". Then if the issue was pushed a short and to the point "I'm not discussing it". FIL tried to 'step in' and said he'd come take the DC once a week and ferry them to MIL then drop them back to us, like they're parcels to be passed around. He was told that if attempted to facilitate contact between that woman and our children then we'd go NC with him too.

Stand firm OP, as difficult as it can be. Remember why you're doing this. We've been NC for almost three years now and every so often I'll waver and think maybe we should give her another chance, then I remind myself of the circumstances leading up to that final break (and the two breaks before it - it took more than one attempt) and I know we made the right decision. It's hard but it's better to be free.

ElsaAintAsColdAsMe Fri 18-Mar-16 23:26:03

My mother tried this shit with me.

My understanding is that grandparents can get access if they they can demonstrate a huge input into their grandchild life, along the lines of having lived in the family home for a couple of years or being the main childcare for fora prolonged period, and can also demonstrate that it will be detrimental to the child to have no contact.

If I were you I wouldn't facilitate any more contact and keep every message, email, letter and voice mail and make diaries of calls etc.

my mother's 'case' ended before it even began.

This was a few years back though so might not be correct now.

WhoDrewOnTheWall Fri 18-Mar-16 23:26:18

If she tried to gain access to your DC, in the unlikely event that it actually got to court you can show that contact would not enrich his life and would not be of benefit to him or to other family relationships.

She's all talk, she knows she hasn't got a leg to stand on which is why she's trying to frighten you into caving in. Get back and here and play the game I want to play or else I'll take away your favourite toy. It's childish.

I also recommend counselling to help you pull her out of you by the roots. DH needed six months of weekly therapy to help him deal with the emotional impact of going NC and of finally being rid of her.

lalalalyra Fri 18-Mar-16 23:27:08

Grandparents don't have rights, but neither do parents really - all the rights belong to the child. So your mother could, in theory, apply to court for permission to apply for access to your child. However, she'd have to show how her being in your DS's life would benefit him before she'd get anywhere, plus she'd have to have thousands of pounds to get it anywhere as well.

MaryPoppinsPenguins Fri 18-Mar-16 23:29:06

My father took me to court to see my daughters. We had two appointments with cafcass and two permission hearings. He failed miserably.

Essentially... They have no rights.

pigeonpoo Fri 18-Mar-16 23:33:41

Iv blocked now.

I know she will do it and drag me through court.

And she's got plenty on me, because it's the most fucked up unhealthy relationship - I have expressed my anger multiple times, heck I even punched her when I was pregnant with DS - that she'd moved herself into my home and was refusing to leave despite being asked multiple times, was ringing my husband and texting him at work constantly though he's also asked her to leave and stop contacting him and threatening all kinds of things about my ability to be a mum, will be left unsaid of course as to what led to me doing that.

I just have to wait for it don't I?

I can't do anything to protect us other than go NC and wait for what big drama she manipulates to force contact next can I?

Someone's usually about to die. That's a regular. Someone's dying wish and how awful it is that I'm allowing them to be so sick and upset at me tearing the family apart. Said person has not died yet btw.

Argh. Right will try not to put myself further. So so so so so so so fucked off!

pigeonpoo Fri 18-Mar-16 23:38:02

Even going NC with her

There will be an auntie, a grandma, probably her vicar, at the very least being pulled like puppets to call me I the morning. And then every few weeks till I cave.

Plus a full inbox of voicemails because stupid iPhone when you block allows them through to your voicemail even so!

TendonQueen Fri 18-Mar-16 23:47:05

Isn't there some first stage of the process where you have to show you have a worthwhile case before you even get to actually take it to court? It really is unlikely to actually get anywhere from what I've read. Definitely bide your time and ignore all this. She'll soon find out it's far harder than she imagines.

Can you change your phone number?

ABitSensible Fri 18-Mar-16 23:49:55

Keep all those texts. The court will need them, its harassment. Its better to leave that phone number going in a cheap phone and get a new one for people that you want to talk to, if they can be trusted not to hand the number over to the unwanted crowd.
Then she can vent to that phone number and think she's really getting to you.
Oh and keep an incident diary for all of this.

pigeonpoo Fri 18-Mar-16 23:51:41

I can. I have already done so 3 times in the last 6 months. It's really my fault , I find breaking free so guilt ridden

I will be fuming tonight

By tomorrow afternoon I will be fretting Iv ruined her life going NC and wanting to apologise.

But apologising is what keeps this cycle going - and I must break it. I know that.

TheWrathofNaan Sat 19-Mar-16 00:01:08

Would it be possible to get a new phone and use the old one to store evidence of the harassment? Then you could ignore it?

PatriciaHolm Sat 19-Mar-16 00:05:13

Right, well single time you think of caving - come read this thread. Update it with her latest lunacy to give you somewhere to scream, and to remind you why.

UnderTheGreenwoodTree Sat 19-Mar-16 00:06:33

Keep the texts. There is no legislation for grandparents rights, they often talk about it, but it is obviously a complete minefield. 'Parent's rights' are hard enough for the family court to deal with, let alone grandparent's rights. The only rights the court are concerned with are the child's rights.

pigeonpoo Sat 19-Mar-16 00:10:46

Honestly if I updated with every lunacy, you'd all think I was trolling. It gets that fucked up. Plus I'd be trending at least once a fortnight.

I have to finally fully and completely go NC for good

pigeonpoo Sat 19-Mar-16 00:14:49

I think I'd read it if I left a phone going

And then I'd be sucked back into communicating

She knows every button to press. She's an absolute mastermind at forcing people who don't want contact with her into it. There's no boundaries in her world. She doesn't just cross them, I don't even think she's aware they exist in the first place

MooseBeTimeForSnow Sat 19-Mar-16 00:16:29

If she had been playing a meaningful part in her grandchild's life then her first step would be to apply to Court for "leave" (permission) to make an application. Only if that was granted would she then be able to make an application for contact, which you could oppose.

Just incase she does, keep a written diary and a log of all calls, texts etc. It will be useful evidence. Maybe you could call it the "batshit binder"

pigeonpoo Sat 19-Mar-16 00:25:39

The meaningful part she's been playing is that IRL I find relationships intensely hard, have had a rocky marriage as I cannot do healthy relationships, and my MH has badly suffered so I'm fairly isolated especially in terms of childcare. To attend an assessment to try and access psychology just the other week I had to accept her offer to look after DS in order to attend as it fell in half term and I'm desperate to get proper help now so wasn't risking rebooking it for months later. It was later that day the incident where my son ran at her happened.

I can't do healthy relationships because my biggest most dominant relationship is with her and always has been full of EA from her.

So she's made me somewhat dependent on her and rides in like the hero to help with looking after DS.

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