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Am I super ungrateful about my baby shower?

(115 Posts)
possum18 Fri 18-Mar-16 17:01:26

I really don't mean to offend anyone who loves baby showers, I'm a firm believer in 'each to their own' when it comes to such things.
I'm 34 weeks with twins, huge, on bed rest, uncomfortable and feeling super anti social.
Since the beginning of my pregnancy I told my friends and family that I really really didn't want a baby shower, I find them 'asky' (for presents and attention) and a little Americanised.
My sister has pushed and pushed and so I agreed to go out for coffee one lunch time before the twins come with my mum, sister and 2/3 closest friends. I thought this was a fair compromise. We agreed on this Sunday lunch time.
Nothing has been said since until i got a message from an old old school friend who I haven't spoken to for over a year, apologising she wouldn't be making it to my baby shower this Sunday.
Have done some digging and found out my sister is throwing me a big baby shower this Sunday, for 35 people, AT MY HOUSE!

DH had no idea and isn't too happy because he knows how uncomfortable I am, and my feelings on showers anyway.

I now don't know what to do, people were invited weeks ago and a lot of old uni friends have got the weekend off work to travel down..etc so I can't exactly cancel.

Am I ungrateful and being a bitch to be super annoyed?
I've been in full blown nesting mode this week and my house is spotless, the thought of 30+ people here makes me want to cry sad

OneMillionScovilles Fri 18-Mar-16 17:04:03

You're a grown woman. You used your words. You were overruled behind your back. YANBU.

Absofrigginlootly Fri 18-Mar-16 17:04:40

No not ungrateful. Tell her you know and that since she has completely disregarded your wishes it will now be held at her house instead!

I would have HATED something like that!!! YANBU

Absofrigginlootly Fri 18-Mar-16 17:05:45

Ps, this is also excellent practice for parenthood at being assertive and not letting people over rule you smile

EverySongbirdSays Fri 18-Mar-16 17:06:15

YANBU - I agree with you about baby showers for all the reasons you've said.

You were very specific about not wanting one and now it's AT YOUR HOUSE without yours or DH consent??!!!!


Unfortunately you will probably appear very ungrateful to people who've bought gifts and set aside the day, so you may be obliged to go through with it.

You're in the right, though, if that helps?

curren Fri 18-Mar-16 17:06:45

I find baby showers really cringy. Each to their own but not for me. Nor would I like a surprise birthday.

I would be furious of some threw either in my house when I said no.

As op said, use your words and tell her it's not happening.

Aprille Fri 18-Mar-16 17:07:23

Your sister is an utter arse. Being pregnant with twins at 34 weeks the people around you should ensure that this time is as stress-free as it can be for you.

I'd be in a heap at the thought of 35 people there and I'd be livid with my sister. Any chance you can get her to text around an emergency change of venue. To her house?

possum18 Fri 18-Mar-16 17:07:32

We aren't very close, I think she feels she is doing something really lovely for me and trying to build a bridge.
She has a tiny 1 bed flat, I have a 4 bed detached house - I don't think I could make her swap venues!
I've persuaded a friend to let me see the Facebook invite she's sent out and there's people I don't even speak to on the list!!

I don't think this is going to end up being the nice relaxing coffee afternoon I gave into agreed to hmm

curren Fri 18-Mar-16 17:07:49

You can cancel. Message them all and tell them why.

Or tell her she needs to arrange it somewhere else. Personally I would be making her clean up the mess she has created

Jenijena Fri 18-Mar-16 17:08:18


It's not going to be at your house.

This is about your sister, not you.

If I were you, I'd be going in for monitoring this weekend just in case, with a firm case of 'we are going to have to cancel our small lunch plans as my blood pressure is too high'.

curren Fri 18-Mar-16 17:09:04

* think she feels she is doing something really lovely for me and trying to build a bridge*

Sorry I don't believe that. She knows you don't want one, how is that buildings bridges?

Jenijena Fri 18-Mar-16 17:09:08

Just seen you are already in bed rest. She is being vvvvvu

aurorie11 Fri 18-Mar-16 17:09:36

I'd go out with hubby at 12pm and then turn up at planned venue, and when they are not there go to the cinema and switch your phone off!

CleopatrasDaughter Fri 18-Mar-16 17:09:39

35 people in YOUR house when you said you didn't want shower? Thats a piss take.

But its arranged now. I'd suck it up and get it over with. Make sure your sister plays hostess, though, AND clears up afterwards.

Enjoy all the presents grin

possum18 Fri 18-Mar-16 17:10:12

Haha yes great practice for parenthood! grin
There's no way I'm doing it at my house unless the weathers going to be nice and I can stick them all in the garden.
I don't think I'm going to mention it to my sister just yet, might try and have some fun with this wink

Burgerbobismydad Fri 18-Mar-16 17:10:18

I'd invent a slight emergecy, requiring a hospital stay the day before the shower, so you have to cancel.

But I have questionable morals grin

Hate hate hate baby showers! I'd be as livid as you

sunnydayinmay Fri 18-Mar-16 17:12:35

Does she know you know? I'd be v tempted to go out to lunch too.

Actually, are you even allowed to be out and about? Just stay in bed!

possum18 Fri 18-Mar-16 17:14:25

She doesn't know I know yet, I really want to get some revenge halo

NinaSimoneful Fri 18-Mar-16 17:15:28

Yanbu at all and I would be sooo tempted to be out of the house that day.

I don't know what the plan is though, presumably you are supposed to meet your sister, mum and a few friends at a café or a restaurant and while you are with them someone else will be setting up the baby shower at your house. (How were they planning to arrange this without your husbands knowledge or consent?) So I don't know how you could arrange to be 'out' unless you swerve the lunch. Besides, you probably don't want to do that to your friends who are coming from afar and possibly don't know that the shower is unwanted.

RupertPupkin Fri 18-Mar-16 17:15:33

Oh dear. YY to slight emergency. "Hi, sister. Sorry but I've got to go to hospital on Sunday for some unexpected tests. I'll let X and Y and Mum know. Maybe we could reschedule for another Sunday, or just wait till babies are born as I'm knackered and anti social these days!"

It's PA but I'd be tempted to mess with her.

RedOnHerHedd Fri 18-Mar-16 17:17:12

I'd be absolutely fuming with her. And I'd probably tell her the day before that we had come down with sickness and diarrhoea and that really sorry but I wouldn't be able to make it to the coffee afternoon as I was stuck on the toilet.

possum18 Fri 18-Mar-16 17:18:18

She was meant to be picking me up to take me to coffee/lunch, so I guess instead of her turning up alone she was planning on turning up with all my old friends, some of whom I actively dislike grin I wish I could have a bottle some wine right now I don't know whether to laugh or cry!

Penguinepenguins Fri 18-Mar-16 17:19:12

Thought sounds horrible, I hate the idea of baby showers for all the reasons you have said!

And in your house, yuck no escape...

I'd tell her to cancel it, your on bed rest you don't need 35 people turning up, it's too much - all will be forgiven (not that you need forgiving AT ALL but I expect she will get the hump) once the twins arrive.

PuppyMonkey Fri 18-Mar-16 17:19:56

I wouldn't want it either but I'd tell sis right now otherwise people will still turn up at your house. confused

EverySongbirdSays Fri 18-Mar-16 17:21:24

Have some imaginary wine wine - can you see the guest list still? Cancel with each person individually but not your sister. She'll then turn up alone grin grin

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