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To consider this a sexual assault?

(7 Posts)
Olishi Thu 17-Mar-16 16:58:24

Or at least molestation?

I'll give the full story so as not to drip feed. I've been going through a bad patch mental health wise after four years of getting over severe depression and anxiety, and it's just bringing up some old memories and feelings that I guess I still haven't dealt with.

For some reason a random memory came to me the other day. Nothing triggered it, except perhaps the constant media coverage of various sexual abuse cases.

When I was in my late teens I went to a friends house who was having a get together of a bunch of old friends. All people we'd known since childhood. This friend got himself drunk to the point of throwing up and had to be carried to bed. I decided to stay and keep an eye on this friend in case he choked on his vomit/hurt himself. Another friend decided to stay as well, just in case anything happened so I wasn't alone.

I was laying on the floor trying to sleep, freezing, fully dressed in jeans, Tshirt and a zipped up hoody with the hood pulled up when the friend who had agreed to stay and help suddenly laid down behind me and begun rubbing himself against my bum. And by himself i mean his penis.

I froze at first, completely shocked and for some reason embarrasesed. I had known this person since he was 10. We used to play together. I was even his brothers girlfriend for a few months. At first I wasn't sure what was happening but after his movements became rhythmic I simply got up and moved away, too shocked to even say anything.

After a few seconds of silence he asked me if I was ok. I simply responsed yes and lay there until the morning. I left as if nothing had happened.

The drunk friend of mine walked me to the bus station and I told him what had happened. He thought it was funny, which is perhaps why I didn't say or do anything about it.

I suppose it could be argued that he was just trying it on, but we hadn't spoken much all night and definitely did not flirt. I gave no signal whatsoever that I wanted anything to happen between us. Also, as far as he knew I was asleep. His movements were rhythmic but soft as I'm sure he was trying not to wake me.

I haven't seen any of these people since. I don't know what I'm looking got by posting this here, I guess I'm just tired of thinking about it without anyone to talk to.

Sorry it was so long...

EasilyDistracted21 Thu 17-Mar-16 17:08:37

definately not on

MrsLupo Thu 17-Mar-16 17:14:18

Yes, I would consider that a sexual assault, particularly if he thought you were asleep and was intending that you should stay that way. If he thought you were awake and interested in him, it could be argued that he was open to the fact that you were free to consent and continue, or not consent and he would back off. Since you didn't discuss what happened either at the time or since, I suppose it's hard to be 100% certain.

It's hard when time and experience reframes events and makes you realise something horrible happened. I have something similar in my past so I ympathise. flowers

MrsLupo Thu 17-Mar-16 17:38:36

*sympathise, obviously

amarmai Thu 17-Mar-16 18:49:30

yes assault. I'm still having mind blowing realisations re events from decades ago. Think this is not unusual, but def disturbing.

AntiHop Thu 17-Mar-16 23:31:02

Yes it was sexual assault. You did not consent.

pigeonpoo Thu 17-Mar-16 23:41:03

Yes it's assault

You'd given no verbal or even unverbal consent for him to "try it on" even - not even flirted

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