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Shouldit always be a given that siblings are invited?

(50 Posts)
lill72 Thu 17-Mar-16 15:24:03

My DD has a group of friends we have known since she was born. They are now at school and we organise regular catch ups. The things is, most of the group now have siblings, so we have grown. So now every catch up has to include the rest of the siblings. And as they all have different nap times, etc, it can all get a bit frustrating as we have to accommodate the needs of the siblings also, when it really is primarily about my DD's mates catching up. Some things are just impossible to organise. I dont know how to say just her friends are invited without offending. Just sometimes it would be easier and then you could do things more age approrpriate to then. Dont know how to broach it. What would you do? I dont ever assume my youngest is invited unless specified and actually it is good to do some things just with her.

ImperialBlether Thu 17-Mar-16 15:27:05

How old are they?

MuddlingMackem Thu 17-Mar-16 15:28:32

If you're inviting the friends round to yours without parents then no, the siblings don't need to be included. But if you're doing catch ups with the mothers and children, then what are they supposed to do with the siblings? Not everyone has someone handy to dump them on.

NataliaOsipova Thu 17-Mar-16 15:30:02

Hmmm. I thought from the title that this thread was about birthday parties, when I think the answer should be no....but if it's a group of mummies and kids meeting up, then it's probably just too difficult to do it without them. Practically speaking - what do you do with your other child? I think if you want to arrange a specific outing that would be unsuitable for younger siblings then it's fine to broach it directly - eg "Cinema trip (or whatever) would be fun, but not for the little ones - what do people think/can they get childcare etc?" But equally you can't be hacked off if it's just too much hassle for people and they don't want to come. My opinion anyway!

MistressDeeCee Thu 17-Mar-16 15:31:45

YANBU. I can't understand why some parents act as if siblings must be joined at the hip and always involved in same event, its probably a convenience thing, and an idea in their head that sibling is "left out" Even at just 14 months apart there was stuff DD1 wanted to do & DD2 didnt, and vice versa. The worst I find are birthday parties for little ones and you have the older siblings there clearly bored stiff as the proceedings are babyish for them. I would say no siblings as activities geared towards a particular age group...something like that. If parents still want to bring elder DCs along all well and good, as long as its already very clear what the chosen activity is, and they don't expect the group to stress themselves finding an activity to suit all age ranges. But hopefully they'll take the hint

Lweji Thu 17-Mar-16 15:31:49

If you are prepared to take care of all the invited kids without their parents there, then it's fine not to invite the siblings.
If you want the parents there as well, then you have to have the siblings.

AppleSetsSail Thu 17-Mar-16 15:31:59

This doesn't seem particularly difficult to broach.

'How about just the older girls this time?'

Not controversial!

DelphiniumBlue Thu 17-Mar-16 15:33:27

If the catch ups are for DD and her mates, could you just ask them over? They can play under your supervision without having to involve siblings.
But if its actually for the parents as well, I don't imagine you'd get a good response if you asked them to bring one child but not the other.
I found that house parties became the norm when my boys were little because of this - you can't just leave out the younger ones. As the group got bigger, we'd arrange to meet up in local parks, so there'd be no limit on numbers.

shouldwestayorshouldwego Thu 17-Mar-16 15:34:02

Can't the siblings be friends too? I agree with muddling if you are happy to have them without parents great do something with the older ones, otherwise you can't impose your views.

Primaryteach87 Thu 17-Mar-16 15:35:22

If you are willing (and they are of an age) to entertain the older girls alone, fine. If not, I don't think it's practical. No one will be able to come without their babies/toddlers if they are required to supervise.

IoraRua Thu 17-Mar-16 15:37:35

As others have said - if you're just inviting the kid and not the parent, then siblings should not be involved like some sort of package deal. If you want parents there, then yes I think siblings will probably go too.

TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams Thu 17-Mar-16 15:53:00

So this is your NCT group or similar?

There's a bit of a painful window until the older ones are old enough to safely use the toilet and clean up after themselves so they can come alone. Otherwise you either have to be prepared to ensure appropriate hygiene standards or embrace a wider group.

Sadly, your original group of mum friends and their oldest children are unlikely to get together without other children for quite some time.

lill72 Thu 17-Mar-16 15:56:08

Yes it is an NCT group and now we mostly catch up on the weekends. So dads ca easily look after. But quite often all the families come along. Which is ok sometimes but depends a bit on what we are doing. Sometimes the activity is not really good for little ones and does not fit in with naps.I say this having a little one that has naps! I would leave her at home!

lill72 Thu 17-Mar-16 15:57:29

Apple - more controverisal than you think as some always bring ALL the family. one mum doesnt like to drive anywhere herself!! I just fins it all a bit much sometimes.

lill72 Thu 17-Mar-16 15:58:10

DD is 5.

ctjoy103 Thu 17-Mar-16 16:01:24

The thing is if everyone else is fine with it, I'm not sure how you would go about it without causing a problem for yourself and your dd.

MrsDeVere Thu 17-Mar-16 16:04:12

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MrsDeVere Thu 17-Mar-16 16:05:49

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

poocatcherchampion Thu 17-Mar-16 16:12:18

We batch process our children. They all go basically everywhere together. If only one parent goes the other gets "time off" to do diy

obviously we accommodate parties etc and would a cinema trip but just your average meet up we would bring all the kids to or probably not bother come.

pictish Thu 17-Mar-16 16:12:51

I think yabu. Unless the older ones are being dropped off and picked up later, it's totally normal to take the siblings along. If mum is staying then she'll bring the others. Everyone I know does. I did.

arethereanyleftatall Thu 17-Mar-16 16:39:59

So when you issue the invite you just write ' would x (child's name only) like to come and play with dd on Saturday?'.

lill72 Thu 17-Mar-16 16:45:31

we used to hang out every week - at someone s house or the park. Siblings always included of course as they were in the care of the mothers. Now we do things like ice skating and other activities like shows on the weekend and everyone has to come - even though the younger ones cant skate. And my friend wanted to organise tickets to a show but my friend replied before me and said she could go to the show at only one time as sibling had to have nap. We cant go at that time so cant go - though it is my DD's friend. Do you see what I mean?

I just think it would be nice if the group - ie mums and 5 year olds could catch up without the entourage. but this never happens.

lill72 Thu 17-Mar-16 16:46:41

Mrs D- all our families have changed - including mine. I just like to do things separately some time and spend time with DD on her own!

lill72 Thu 17-Mar-16 16:47:07

I have 2 children/ I is 5, the other 16 months.

arethereanyleftatall Thu 17-Mar-16 16:50:43

So, in that case, when you issue the invite you write ' would you and 'their dds name' like to come ice skating this weekend.'
I'm not really getting why this is difficult.

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