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to be upset at my friends reaction to our mutual friend sleeping with unavailable men?

(52 Posts)
marjerydawes Thu 17-Mar-16 13:08:00

That's is really, all in the title.

There's four friends that have been close for a number of years- my friend we will call Angie had an awful marriage, newly divorced and has been going out and dating and rebuilding her and her children lives- we have all supported her- looking after children, hand holding when the divorce proceedings were stressful etc.

I went for a catch up with our friends minus Angie. My friends were telling me at a birthday party held at her(the friend who was at the catch up) house which I was not able to attend Angie got completely drunk and slept with the party host's husbands friend.(Who is married with two young DC)

They all found this hilarious- furthermore (the 'couple' went into the lounge)some of the guys thought it would be a scream to go outside and film what was happening not realising Angie and the man were having full sex- after they passed it around it was deleted immediately on the sayso of my friend. This conversation continued where they all laughed at said "ah bless Angie- she's had a terrible time she really needed that- he's quite a catch!" etc hmm I was shocked. I didn't think that my friends were like this. It doesn't help that my partner cheated on me years ago when my DD was baby, I know I am projecting massively. I cannot help myself I just feel really sad for the partner of the man who shagged Angie- she is not my friend but our paths, included that of her DC, cross very frequently.

Since- Ive been told via group text- not in person, Angie has gone to conferences and slept with one married man- she did this knowingly, she knows how much this can destroy a family. I am upset at her but equally my friends who support this and find it salacious and hilarious.

IggertyZiggertyZoom Thu 17-Mar-16 13:58:50

YANBU. I'm guessing they wouldn't find it quite so hilarious if Angie was shagging their men.

I'd distance myself if I were you.

missbishi Thu 17-Mar-16 14:00:22

Group text? So there's a few of you who gossip about her then? Sounds like a nice bunch of friends...

If you are upset by her antics and other peoples reactions then the best solution is to stop gossiping and stop listening to gossip.

NeedsAsockamnesty Thu 17-Mar-16 14:02:29

How drunk is compleatly drunk?

Itsmine Thu 17-Mar-16 14:04:23

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BillSykesDog Thu 17-Mar-16 14:08:58

I would be worried about Angie's drinking, sexual and emotional health and mental state, not judging her. She needs to sort herself out and get some self worth and self esteem. I don't think shunning her would do anything constructive and none of you sound like good friends.

TBH with the filming etc it would be the other friends I'd be looking to drop.

Patapouf Thu 17-Mar-16 14:10:52

YANBU to be upset but ultimately she is not betraying anyone, those men are the ones who are jeopardising their relationships. Unless of course you buy into the whole 'poor man, he was offered it on a plate so how could he resist?' School of thought.

Having said that, I don't think I would continue to be friends with someone who routinely and knowingly slept with married men. Sisterhood and all that wink grin

Fratelli Thu 17-Mar-16 14:24:55

I wouldn’t be friends with any of them!

marjerydawes Thu 17-Mar-16 14:37:00

I've found it difficult to ditch friendships where we've had so much history and they've been good for me . I haven't bitched and gossiped about anyone- the group text included Angie and she didn't boast about it but found it very amusing that no man can turn her down- her words not mine.

And I said exactly that "I don't think you'd find it hilarious if she was shagging your husband" it was brushed off. They've never been like this before I guess they have her back.

I'm feeling like I've isolated myself because of it all.

Tiggeryoubastard Thu 17-Mar-16 14:39:35

Shitty twats. I'd be reviewing my friendship standards if I were you.

curren Thu 17-Mar-16 14:39:50

Yanbu.

How drunk was she? Has it entered their heads she wasn't able to consent?

Would they find it funny if she shags their dp/dh?

The fact that they are all sat around laughing about it talking about how she needed a shag would really put me off them.

Herewegoagainfolks Thu 17-Mar-16 14:43:25

I'd find some new friends I'm afraid.

I couldn't condone any of that behaviour.

marjerydawes Thu 17-Mar-16 14:49:21

I have no idea how drunk but she was talking about it- there was no shame. Before this all happened everything was fine. But they must always have been like this, I'm feeling a bit cheated out of all those years of friendship.
Feeling a bit sorry for myself

I'm not perfect, I fuck up all the time but I draw the line at their recent behaviour.

Hygge Thu 17-Mar-16 15:00:11

They all sound horrible really.

I think I'd be glad to isolate myself from them.

You have the one woman who believes sex with married men makes her irresistible. It doesn't, it makes her unable to appreciate that some men will take advantage of a drunken opportunity and probably don't care who with. It also means she avoids taking responsibility by blaming the drink and the difficult time she has had.

You have the first married man she had sex with, happy to cheat on his wife without much thought at all. With a woman who is "completely drunk" as well. Raising the issue of consent.

You've got the other women who find this kind of thing funny, and who are laughing about it. They're not Angie's friends either, they are laughing at her, not with her. She's entertainment to them, not a friend. And if any one of them felt they had a reason to turn on her I wouldn't be surprised at how quickly she will go from being "Good old Angie" to being called a slut or a slag by the people who are encouraging her now.

And you've got their partners and male friends, who think filming people having sex through a window is a good thing to do. And then they pass it around until someone has to ask them to delete it. Hopefully they did delete it without forwarding it on.

You'd be better off without the lot of them as far as I'm concerned. This sounds like a destructive group, and it's already gone too far. It will come out, or Angie will get seriously hurt, or one of the wives will find out, or she will come to her senses and blame your group for encouraging her, and one way or another you'll all be dragged in. You included, as you are part of the group.

I don't think you can walk away fast enough.

Itsmine Thu 17-Mar-16 15:03:19

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

OohMavis Thu 17-Mar-16 15:11:24

Their reactions are pretty unbelievable.

GooseberryRoolz Thu 17-Mar-16 15:14:14

Classy hmm

MinniedeMinx Thu 17-Mar-16 15:15:32

YANBU, walk away.

SuperFlyHigh Thu 17-Mar-16 15:19:10

I'd be there for Angie as it sounds like she's going through a shit time but ditch the rest.

Most times when people do really stupid things or get very drunk there's an emotional reason behind it, you don't have to counsel her or anything just be there and supportive for her.

marjerydawes Thu 17-Mar-16 15:42:25

Thank you.

You talk a lot of sense. Will make myself very busy in my solitude from now on. Dh says I'm too unforgiving and hard on people hence my posting.

ctjoy103 Thu 17-Mar-16 16:12:09

Yanbu, distance yourself from them. You don't want to be associated with their morals. Angie sounds like she has very low morals and the group sound none the better.

marjerydawes Thu 17-Mar-16 18:01:21

Angie was a great friend but she has other priorities now and I guess I'm of no use.

Thank you- I'm thinking more clearly

sorenoggin Thu 17-Mar-16 20:34:52

I think YABU..not your problem. Mumsnet will never give you a balanced view on sex outside a marriage. It's black and white on Mumsnet this topic!

RubbleBubble00 Thu 17-Mar-16 20:39:57

It depends on your moral stand point. I couldn't be friends with someone who sleeps with married men.

SohowdoIdothis Thu 17-Mar-16 21:31:43

Do you really want to be around people who think it's hilarious for someone to cheat on their partner?

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