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To not want to be told who I should buy bday cards for

(29 Posts)
MissesBloom Wed 16-Mar-16 21:11:54

Dmil is driving me nuts at the moment. She has lately started to meddle in our lives where she used to sort of be happy to fit in with us. I.e. inviting herself round when dh is exhausted after working 6 day weeks in a very very stressful job, not taking no for an answer when he says he needs a day to himself. When she comes it's always on her terms at a time to suit her not us. If we say no she just makes sly digs at dh to make him feel bad. She drives us potty with the kids, deliberately undermines us in front of them and refuses to bring them back on time if she has them.

Anyway she's quite a people pleaser and this has now manifested itself in her contacting me and 'politely reminding' me of birthdays she feels we need to send cards out for. Usually goes through dh but he laughs and tells her where to go so now she's starting on me! Because she knows dh thinks it's batshit 'will forget'. Thing is the would be recipients of these cards are on awkward terms with her and she obviously sees this as a way to mend bridges. We don't talk to them however and I don't send cards to very many people. Just immediate family. I do this because I think they are pointless and I don't want the aggro of sending cards to people every year. I just don't have time.

Aibu? If not how should I respond to the latest prompt without seeming an evil cow grin

CMOTDibbler Wed 16-Mar-16 21:15:48

YANBU - just refer her back to DH 'as he's in charge of cards for his side of the family'. Add a little tinkly laugh to remind her that you've said this before haven't you, poor dear...

DartmoorDoughnut Wed 16-Mar-16 21:16:16

YANBU just ignore

paxillin Wed 16-Mar-16 21:17:28

Thanks for the reminder, MIL, but I wasn't going to send a card to second cousin thrice removed's exH's new DIL.

CheeseGerm Wed 16-Mar-16 21:19:38

2 hours to be fisted! shock We would run out of things to talk about!

Glad you're ok, OP!

EverySongbirdSays Wed 16-Mar-16 21:21:34

"Are you going to send a card to...... X"

"Remind me who that is again?"

"Oh sorry I don't have their, no, I'm sure you wouldn't want them to think you'd been handing their address out without their permission"



MissesBloom Wed 16-Mar-16 21:28:34

Glad it's not just me....don't like having my arm twisted. Was thinking just ignore though otherwise it'll open it for debate.
So far have managed to remain relatively polite but I still need to learn that no is a full sentence!

ExplodingCarrots Wed 16-Mar-16 21:31:15

Yanbu . My mil is like this with cards. A week after dd was born I got sepsis and was rushed to hospital. I was very poorly and whilst I was in hospital in a very serious way she was ringing DP fussing over whether we'd sent out thank you cards for Dds gifts shock She was swiftly told where to go.

Lotsofplanetshaveanorth Wed 16-Mar-16 21:32:01

My dm went through a phase of this. I just ignored ignored ignored as she never went far enough to say "you didn't send a card to...."

duckduckquack Wed 16-Mar-16 21:46:25

I repeatedly tell MIL and FIL that Facebook tells me when everyone's birthday is so I don't need a text from them. I say it nicely but they still do it all the time. YANBU that's irritating and unnecessary but maybe just say "great, thanks for the reminder" and let that be the end of it.

MissesBloom Wed 16-Mar-16 21:58:17

Yes duckduck that's exactly what I'll do. Can't really argue over that can she!

Carrots we also had this not long after dd was born (about thank you cards). It gives me rage it really does. As if you have nothing better to do than sit and write pissing cards out! I'd rather call someone and thank them personally.

This came up recently in exactly the same context and we refused to send one and just sent happy birthday texts. Pretty sure the recipient didn't give a toss and celebrated as usual without any upset that we'd not sent them a card! I am keen to nip this in the bud now!

PNGirl Wed 16-Mar-16 21:59:07

My MIL does this, but she has always contacted my husband to get him to do it. Last month she texted us both about his cousin's birthday and I ignored it - the next time we spoke I put it back on husband. I ain't doing it.

It really bothers me to be honest - my mum just puts our names on the cards she sends, bless her! Unless it's a very close relative.

She also insists on us sending cards to everyone for everything - by that, I mean we end up buying "To grandma on mother's day", and so on for every relative he has who is a mother, not just his own! She does it to other relatives, which means we all know that SIL has only sent me one because she was reminded, for example, and it makes them a bit pointless.


SalemSaberhagen Wed 16-Mar-16 21:59:37

What cheese?!

littlefrenchonion Wed 16-Mar-16 21:59:51

My dads newish wife tried this one on me for a while via text. I just ignored them, and she eventually got the message! So overbearing!

MissesBloom Wed 16-Mar-16 22:03:17

Oh shit it backfired. She's taken it to mean I am going to send the card....she says she wants as it's a big birthday she wants to spoil x. shock
Really shot myself in the foot there

paxillin Wed 16-Mar-16 22:06:24

No you haven't shot yourself in the foot. Just don't send a card.

DixieNormas Wed 16-Mar-16 22:11:04

the fisted thread is that way cheese >>>>

can't blame you op I think cards to people you don't really bother with are pointless

MissesBloom Wed 16-Mar-16 22:20:44

Ha ha I did wonder cheese!

Ahem I think it's me that's the people pleaser. Oh well not going to be popular now!

TestingTestingWonTooFree Wed 16-Mar-16 22:22:24

Correct it now. Otherwise in 3 weeks time there'll be complaints to Royal Mail about missing cards.

Coldtoeswarmheart Wed 16-Mar-16 22:26:40

YANBU. No need to agonise over it, just don't send the cards.

lorelei9 Wed 16-Mar-16 22:28:38

I would just tell her you'll send cards as you see fit
She sounds horrible.

CheeseGerm Wed 16-Mar-16 22:29:58

Oh my gosh!! I am so sorry, OP!! confused I have no idea how I did that but of course, my comment wasn't meant for your thread. Apologies blush

ClopySow Wed 16-Mar-16 22:36:16

Fisted thread? Where?

lorelei9 Wed 16-Mar-16 22:36:43

I can see you name changing now, Cheese grin

AStreetcarNamedBob Wed 16-Mar-16 22:40:33

I don't understand. Why are there so many DIL on this thread engaging with MIL about birthday cards for their husbands family???

If mil ever told ME about a card for one of HUSBANDS family members I'd assume a puzzled face and say "well you'd better tell Fred then" and think no more of it confused

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