That the TA had no business saying this?

[TheyreMadITellYouMaaaad]

TA told Y5 dd that she won't be going to the local comp because she's too clever for it, she will probably go to the grammar school.

On the contrary - she will almost certainly follow her siblings into the local comp, which we chose for them because we believe that it is better than the grammar.

It annoys me that he planted this suggestion that the comp is in some way second best. We're proud of our school and our involvement with it.

[Fanfeck]

Are you sure this happened?

[TheyreMadITellYouMaaaad]

Why would I doubt her?

[Grilledaubergines]

Understand your pride but I don't think what the TA said was inappropriate. At the end of the day, what decisions you and your child make for secondary at that stage are yours but if a teacher or TA sees a naturally academic child, there's nothing wrong with encouraging them towards grammar as it is by its nature suited to very academic children.

If you would prefer this not to be mentioned again, let the class teacher know.

The local comp may be excellent and may be suited to your other DC, but theres nothing wrong surely with exploring grammar, all childrens' needs are different and not all suit the same learning environment.

[IggertyZiggertyZoom]

Sounds like inverse snobbery to me.

[EverySongbirdSays]

No, I don't think you are being unreasonable because she declared to YOUR child that she WON'T be going to your school of choice as though she is some authority on the matter, less about which school is what and more about impertinence.

Plus, other children in the class who are also going to the comp, if they were present have basically heard her say : you're going to that school because you're too thick for the grammar.

I would in the nicest possible way speak to the TA and say DD is going to St Wotsits and not Kelsey Grammar actually, we don't believe in grammar/private systems and we believe St Wotsits offers a more all round approach to the child - extra curricular and so on that isnt solely about grades and is about who they are as people.

Check she said it first, but YANBU impertinence!!!

[WorraLiberty]

I'm not sure what the problem is really.

By the time your DD starts the school, she will have heard loads of things said both for and against it.

[Owllady]

It's not inverse snobbery!

[SoupDragon]

Why would I doubt her?

Because sometimes, what was said, what was heard and what was related to a parent are not exactly the same.

[Narp]

I'd want to hear from her mouth what she actually said before I got aerated about it

[Narp]

impertinece/

TAs - Know Your Place!

[Narp]

impertinence, even

[queenoftheworld93]

I'd find out what was literally said before making a complaint.

[AppleSetsSail]

I think this is a storm in a teacup.

[pinkcan]

Your dd is in Y5. She can deal with such comments. People are all allowed their opinions.

I doubt that this is just her "suggestion" that the comp is second best. It is probably fact, backed up by GCSE results.

[BoGrainger]

All the posters who get 'annoyed', 'livid', 'furious' etc with throwaway comments made by staff to pupils, and there has been quite a few recently, what do you do when something critical actually happens? Explode into tiny pieces? Don't most sensible parents just say 'Oh. Slightly odd thing to say by Mr B'. And. Move. On.

[GreatFuckability]

I dont think you are U, OP. No one, TA, teacher, queen of england has the right to tell someone elses child where they'll be going to school. that said i'd want to know from the TA what was said before i got properly annoyed as kids sometimes do get the wrong end of the stick

[LynetteScavo]

Hmm....I was all set to say the TA made a flip comment...then I read what was said.

I'm in a "super selective" grammar area and no TA here would ever say such a thing to a child, becuase each year there are very bright children who, for whatever reason don't do well enough in the 11+. The comprehensives here have some very bright children in them. Obviously the grammar schools get better GCSE results though.

It wouldn't matter how clever DD was, I wouldn't send her to the (girls) grammar school, becuase it just wouldn't suit her. I would be put out if a member of staff at her school told her she was too clever for the local comp.

But at the end of the day it was a flip comment, which the TA probably hadn't thought through.

[Kennington]

They were just being complimentary. Who cares what they think anyway. is it a good idea to teach your child to be professionally annoyed?

[228agreenend]

I think the TA was complimenting your daughter on how well she was doing,,rather then criticising the non-grammar. I don't think it was a comment to,get worked up about.

As others have said, it was a throwaway comment.

[TheyreMadITellYouMaaaad]

I'm not fuming or snobby about this. Neither am I against private education and grammar schools.

I just think that it was an inappropriate remark. As PPs have pointed out, what does it tell the children who know they will end up at the comp, without considering and bother school? And how is it the TA's responsibility to give a child negative ideas? (Yes, TAs should know their place: I'm one, and I would never dream of saying such a thing. My place is to support the children, help them grow, not limit them and worry them.)

I'm fairly convinced of the accuracy of dd's recall, because it didn't start with "Mr X says...", but with some worried and uneasy questions about her future as we walked home. She takes things to heart.

[IloveAntbuthateDec]

Good God Almighty! Such a little thing to get so het up about. Is this a stealth boast - maybe??

[AndNowItsSeven]

She takes being told she is clever enough for a grammar to heart?

[araiba]

how inappropriate- a TA telling a child that she is clever!!

[defineme]

What weird responses you're getting op... lots of people with issues about their education choices. Totally inappropriate for any member of staff to comment on where a child might be going...this needs flagging up to school. Sorry your dd was worried.

[defineme]

Obviously being told she is clever isn't a problem, but it's terrible referring to the schools. ..the implications about the other kids is apalling.