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To be really upset with my brother re: ds?

(292 Posts)
VicWillia Wed 16-Mar-16 18:58:40

I'm genuinely interested to see if people think I'm right to be angry or if it's my ds who is a little wotsit who needs better discipline.

Ds is 5. He can be pretty cheeky as I guess a lot of 5 yo boys are. He is quite naughty with saying sorry - if he upsets someone it usually takes quite a while on the naughty step before he'll apologize. He's pretty stubborn.

Tonight, we were visiting my dm and my brother was there too. Ds was being cheeky and told my brother he was "fatty". For some reason my brother took massive offence (he isn't fat so he can't have taken it personally) and grabbed ds hands, saying he wouldn't let go until ds said sorry. Ds was trying to squirm away and wouldn't apologize. My brother wouldn't let him go so ds started playfully biting at my brothers fingers to get him to let go (it was definitely playfully, ds is not the sort of child to hurt others) and my brother slapped him across the face.

Ds was obviously very upset and had a red mark on his face. AIBU to be completely livid and feeling like I never want to see my brother again? Or should I have stepped in and made my ds apologize?

abbsismyhero Wed 16-Mar-16 19:01:13

what a bastard

FlowersAndShit Wed 16-Mar-16 19:02:47

You should've made him apologise but your brother is a twat for slapping him.

TimeToMoveOnNow Wed 16-Mar-16 19:03:26

Hope you smacked him back.

AdoraBell Wed 16-Mar-16 19:03:39

YANBU, unless your brother is only 6 yrs old.

Pooka Wed 16-Mar-16 19:04:49

You should have stepped in earlier and made your ds apologise or remove him from the room rather than letting what sounds like quite a tussle to carry on, seeing how it would play out .

That said, he was wrong to hit your ds.

VicWillia Wed 16-Mar-16 19:04:52

My brother is 31. I know I should have made ds apologize but it all happened pretty quickly.

theycallmemellojello Wed 16-Mar-16 19:05:13

Woah! If your brother is older than 10 then I actually wouldn't let him be around your DS again. How awful. I hope he understands how serious this is.

TimeToMoveOnNow Wed 16-Mar-16 19:05:14

What was your mother's reaction?

Barmaid101 Wed 16-Mar-16 19:05:22

You should have stepped in the moment he called your brother fatty! You are the mother you should be disciplining him! You also need to tell your brother how you use naughty step etc.
Biting even if it just pretend is still a massive no!

SleepyForest Wed 16-Mar-16 19:05:59

Your brother is completely in the wrong. If he reacts with such violence around small children he should not be allowed near them. Your poor ds.

TattyDevine Wed 16-Mar-16 19:06:01

He shouldn't have trapped your child like that. And he definitely should not have slapped him.

A forced apology is not a real apology.

Gosh. Did you intervene at the time (not saying you should have or necessarily could have, and you couldn't have known it would lead to this, but Im curious)

He was bang out of order.

I'm sure your child is a cheeky scamp, as children of both sexes can be at that age, (and older!) but I can understand how you are upset about this. Was your upbringing like this?

Thisisnotausername Wed 16-Mar-16 19:06:05

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

duckyneedsaclean Wed 16-Mar-16 19:06:24

Your brother was a twat and you have every right to be pissed off with him.

Your son does sound like a bit of "a wotsit" in need of better discipline.

SolsburyHell Wed 16-Mar-16 19:06:43

Your brother assaulted your son.

VicWillia Wed 16-Mar-16 19:06:57

My mum seemed on my brothers side. I know I need to work more on teaching ds he should apologize more but I wasn't expecting my brother to slap him.

witsender Wed 16-Mar-16 19:07:13

Err, yanbu. At all.

silverduck Wed 16-Mar-16 19:07:27

Where were you in all this? There's no way kids should be calling their uncle fatty! Maybe if you'd dealt with it the situation would have been avoided. That isn't cheeky, it's really rude.

Having said that your brother was well out of line and I wouldn't want to see him again either.

ctjoy103 Wed 16-Mar-16 19:08:17

Yanbu your db should never have slapped him. He should have let go as soon as he started biting his hands.
Also you acknowledge your ds is a naughty child so you need to step in quicker when you see him behaving badly.

silverduck Wed 16-Mar-16 19:09:02

This isn't about a kid apologising, he shouldn't be rude in the first place confused

theycallmemellojello Wed 16-Mar-16 19:09:03

Cheekiness and boundary testing in a five year old are one thing - a grown man slapping a small child on the face hard enough to leave a red mark is actually child abuse. Not cool.

witsender Wed 16-Mar-16 19:09:07

There would be very little tolerance of him doing that to a partner, same deal here. Totally unacceptable.

Chocolatteaddict1 Wed 16-Mar-16 19:09:23

My db did this to my dd who was 10 on holiday whilst I wasn't there. I glad I wasn't or I would have knocked his teeth out.

No way would I let that go. What a cunt

TheKnackeredChef Wed 16-Mar-16 19:09:35

Absolutely unacceptable behaviour on your brother's part. I'd have ripped his throat out before I could stop myself.

VicWillia Wed 16-Mar-16 19:10:36

It was rude of ds and I do intend to have a talk with him tomorrow about not calling people names. He's really a good boy he just pushes boundaries.

I would have intervened if it had been anyone else but tbh my brother was always violent to me growing up and I'm a bit scared of him.

I told my mum I don't want him around ds or me anymore, but she says I'm overreacting

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