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People keep saying she's tiny!

(116 Posts)
Rubysmummy2016 Wed 16-Mar-16 17:01:22

Hi all,

I need to rant. My little girl is now almost 4 weeks old, she was 5 weeks premature when born (waters broke at 33 weeks so had to be induced). I've just started building up the courage and the confidence to take her out to see friends and some family but it's bringing me down. Whenever someone see's her or holds her they say "she's so tiny", "I can hardly feel her in my arms" so on and so on.

People have even asked to hold her because of how small she is saying "All the babies in my family have been 8/9lb, I've never held a baby so small!" Thank you very f--king much, get away from me and my baby (didn't say that, made up some excuse and walked away).

I know I am probably over reacting, but I know she is small. I don't see why every one needs to remind me constantly that I couldn't carry her to full term and that she's not as big as everyone else's babies. This is probably more of my own issue than anyone else, but have any other mummies of a premature baby felt like this?

popmimiboo Wed 16-Mar-16 17:11:03

People always say newborns are tiny. My were big 10lb bruisers but I was still told thry were "tiny." I suppose they were compared to fully grown humans!
Congrats on your baby girl.

Andylion Wed 16-Mar-16 17:15:39

I think I say that about all babies, but my last niece was particularly tiny and I remember holding her. When they are so small the wonder it all, (we start off small and then grow) is really brought home. Congratulations on your baby girl.

marmiteloversunite Wed 16-Mar-16 17:17:55

I think it is just a thing that people say about new born babies. I am sure they are not trying to upset you or imply you are not looking after her properly in some way. It is just like asking how old she is or what her name is. Congratulations btw!

Owllady Wed 16-Mar-16 17:18:10

All babies are tiny smile it's what people say flowers
Don't take it to heart

Oooblimey Wed 16-Mar-16 17:18:27

I really don't think people are thinking they're being offensive, if anything the opposite, tiny babies just look so cute and it's almost like they represent the miracle of life. Your thoughts worry me re thinking to want to tell people "get away from me and my baby" as my DSIL had these feelings which resulted in her putting a huge amount of pressure on herself and taking every well meaning comment as an insult, resulting in her not letting anyone near the baby, at 6 months she saw a Dr and was treated for PND. Please just be aware that PND isn't always just feeling sad etc.

AWhistlingWoman Wed 16-Mar-16 17:18:36

My DD2 was born weighing 1lb 7 and weighed about 4lb 6 when she came home at four months old. I used to get 'isn't she tiny' ALL the time. Even got into a bit of an argument with a stranger in the supermarket who wouldn't believe that I knew how old my own daughter was!

It is annoying and can even be hurtful. As you say, it reminded me that she wasn't a healthy bouncing baby and that I hadn't carried her to term. But I really doubt that anyone said it with the intention of upsetting me. If you haven't been through it yourself you just don't know how hard fought for every single ounce of your baby is!

If it is someone close or a family member I'd probably let them know it upsets you. Random strangers just try and ignore them. Easier said than done I know but you are not BU for feeling upset. You've been through a difficult time flowers

InvictusVersinium Wed 16-Mar-16 17:18:41

Is this your first? Mine were all over 8 lbs and still everyone said they were tiny!

Some people don't have any sensitivity filters and will say whatever first comes into their mind - one friend's husband told me my DD looked "very odd" when she was about 8 months old. confused

Congratulations on your baby girl.

KingJoffreyLikesJaffaCakes Wed 16-Mar-16 17:19:15

Tell them her father is a Chi-wah-wah (can't spell it, don't wish to learn).

SucculentSoul Wed 16-Mar-16 17:19:33

I say it about all newborn babies too. They are tiny. They grow so quick so you never seem to remember just how small they are at the beginning until you see a newborn again.

welshweasel Wed 16-Mar-16 17:19:52

I know exactly what you mean. My son is 6 weeks old now and was 5 weeks early. I remember sitting in M&S feeding him when he was a couple of weeks old and after the 5th person commented on how tiny he was, I did actually say 'yes and I'm sure he'll grow!'. It's just people making small talk but when you're tired and hormonal it gets to you! He's now 9lb 8oz and people still comment on it so I give up!

TheScottishPlay Wed 16-Mar-16 17:20:32

Yes. When we told the checkout lady in Tesco DS was 6 weeks old, by which he had just reached his due date (he was 4lbs 1 1/2 oz at birth) she said 'Gosh, people will think you don't feed him'.
I have never forgotten this. He is 12 now and 5ft 6 in tall.
You're lovely girl will grow and grow. Enjoy every second. Look upon her early arrival as getting a little extra time to love her.

MorrisZapp Wed 16-Mar-16 17:21:03

All babies are tiny, even the whoppers. They're tiny compared to all the people who hold them.

Mumofsophie Wed 16-Mar-16 17:21:50

Congratulations on your new arrival.

My DD was only 3lbs when she was born 8 weeks early and about 5lbs when she came home. I got the "isn't she tiny" all the time. but I honestly don't think it was meant nastily. I think people aren't used to seeing such little babies and they find them sweet (hope that doesn't sound naff but I can't think of a better word at the moment). Even with term babies I think people will tend to find something physical to comment on, be it "oh doesn't he/she have lots of hair?" etc because identifying something to comment on makes conversation easier.

I think your reaction is due to you feeling a bit inadequate/guilty about her early birth (I definitely felt like that) even though there is no logical reason for you to feel that way. If you are anything like I was, it will take you a while to come to terms with it. If the feeling hangs around, perhaps you could ask for a de-brief with your midwife or consultant to talk you through the birth and why what happened happened. Or try the BLISS website for advice and support.

Anyway, my advice is to try to enjoy all the fuss people are making of your baby. I am sure it is all meant very kindly, and that they would be horrified if they knew it was upsetting you. Typing this has made me remember too what a lovely experience it was when we finally had DD home from SCBU and were able to cuddle her whenever we wanted and show her off!

Barbie1 Wed 16-Mar-16 17:21:55

My ds was born at 33 weeks and was obviously very small. A few people commented but I was quick to point out that although small he was super strong and resilient to survive a traumatic birth. My ds had to spend four weeks in scbu so I think by the time he came out most people expected him to be small so the comments soon stopped.

He is 16 months now and his is small, it's more obvious as the time goes on. However he is the cutest little thing and people comment more on his smile than his size.

You will probably still be in shock and obviously are protective of your child, just smile and say although small she is perfect wink

Congratulations by the way

2Offwhitecurtains Wed 16-Mar-16 17:22:53

I think it's a natural thing to say. Babies are tiny and the last time any of us held a baby was probably our own newborns and it is easy to forget just how tiny and delicate they are. Plus I think tiny babies are cuter. I think it's awe at how such a tiny little thing can be so perfect.

CurlyhairedAssassin Wed 16-Mar-16 17:23:58

Yes, people say it to all babies because they marvel that something so small and cute can grow up into a big teenager in just a few years. It's just what people say. Even to full term babies: "Look at her tiny fingernails!" etc. It's not them saying that you didn't/don't nourish her enough. It's pure marvel and wonder at a teeny tiny perfectly formed new human. That is all. Don't forget that people get footprint casts made of their newborns' feet so that they can marvel at how tiny they were in years to come. People mean it in a nice way.

Or, they could be scared of hurting her if they think she is delicate and so their worry about that is coming out in some of the comments you mention.

In a few months she will have grown and by late childhood you will be looking at newborn pictures of her yourself and marvelling at how tiny she was when she was born.

LuckySantangelo1 Wed 16-Mar-16 17:25:25

You have a 4 week old baby, you must be tired and emotional! And perhaps are being over sensitive. People are not trying to be cruel or offensive. They're just making smell talk. Plus give it a few months and you'll be looking back at pics thinking how tiny she was! In a nice way!

Zaurak Wed 16-Mar-16 17:30:25

I say this. Really out of wonder for how exquisitely small yet perfectly formed they are.
It reminds me of being in the lab watching embryos grow and just being blown away that something so tiny had functional moving parts- down the microscope you could see everything like tiny tiny red blood cells moving round blood vessels. Tiny hearts forming and pumping before most other structures. It's truly a wo serous thing to behold. I get a whiff of that when I see tiny babies. Just so perfect and small.

I hope o haven't offended anyone! Mine was a tiddler too - he's still a little scrap of a thing.


FaithAscending Wed 16-Mar-16 17:34:43

My DD was full-term but low-birth weight at 5lb 4oz. I got loads of tiny comments. My favourite was when a lady did a double take when she realised I was pushing my daughter and not a doll in the pushchair! I think we got tiny comments until she was about 4 months old. It was annoying but it's just because people think it's cute!

Timri Wed 16-Mar-16 17:35:21

My first was 5 and a half pounds full term so not preemie small, but still quite small, and it's all people commented on. And the headful of Dragonball z-esque hair.
I think people just want something to say tbh. Congratulations on the baby!

crispytruffle Wed 16-Mar-16 17:38:09

People always say that about newborns. My sister has just had a baby and I am always saying the baby is tiny....because she is compared to my 8 and 6 year old!

TrinityForce Wed 16-Mar-16 17:38:15

Your baby may be smaller than average, but they do not, in any way, mean to infer that you couldn't carry her to full term. They don't know it's upsetting to you.

flowers enjoy your lovely baby, you're doing great.

A1Sharon Wed 16-Mar-16 17:40:22

Everyone's baby was tiny compared to my beasts!grin
Even if you have a baby that is 3 or 4 months old, when you see a newborn you invariably coo "isn't he/she tiny?" Because in comparison to yours they are tiny, and we all forget just how small they can be.
It is more a statement of how amazing they are than an slight to you. Although I appreciate that being your first and hormones raging you may feel this way.

Griphook Wed 16-Mar-16 17:40:31

All babies are tiny, they don't mean that yours is tiny in an offensive way,

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