To split cost of big family holiday per person including children (not per adult couple)?

[piddleypower]

We are planning a big family holiday as a surprise for my parents. We are planning on hiring out a big farmhouse or similar for three days.

There will be:
Me and DH
DS & BIL with three children
DB & SIL with two children
Mum and Dad

My sister has suggested splitting the cost three ways i.e. between me, my sister and my brother (my parents three adult children). I don't mind splitting the cost of my mum and dad's accommodation between the three of us as its a surprise for them. But should I pay a third of the total cost when its just me and DH? My sister's family will be five people (2 or 3 rooms) and my brothers family will be four people (2 rooms). The children are all between 12 and 5 years.

Am I being selfish? Should we pay per person (including children) or per room, or should I just accept it and pay a third of the total cost?

[GandalfsOtherHat]

We've always split it per room used. Seemed fairest.

[Floggingmolly]

If you need a bigger place and consequently more rooms per family because of the children, I think that sounds fair enough. Bet they won't like it, though!

[Monstertrucker]

Per room would be more fair. That's how we've always done it. Obviously if you're getting a swanky ensuite and they have two box rooms though you may have to rethink that!

[FullMoonDiva]

I'd have split per room as you'll have to book a place with more rooms due to their family sizes.

[molyholy]

I would split per room also.

[Ceeceecee]

We had a extended family and it was done by room. Definitely fairer

[BYOSnowman]

Agree that per room is fairer

[VoldysGoneMouldy]

Per room used, and then the cost of your mum and dads split between you if you want.

Hardly fair for you to be paying their extra accommodation costs.

[Orda1]

Def per room.

[CookieLady]

We split it per room.

[FuckyNell]

this is why I wouldn't holiday with family

Well that and the fact that I don't actually like them

[SugarMiceInTheRain]

Per room. That's always how we've done it when sharing with friends - so in a 4 bed place the friends with a toddler who shared their room = 1 room, friends with child who needed own room = 2 rooms, and we had one room. Now we have 3 kids we usually just get our own place!

[toopeoply]

I have 3 children my sis and bro have 1 each. I'd expect to pay more

[araminem]

Per room, and then your parents' room divided between the 3 siblings. I don't think your siblings should pay extra for your parents as they have more rooms for children.

[Bearbehind]

This is always a minefield as, unless every room is exactly the same size or you carry out a cost per square foot analysis , there's no right answer.

Do you have to include food?

Based on 8 adults and 5 children I think about the fairest you can do is 10% cost per adult (with parents 20% split across siblings) and the other 20% for the children which would be 4% per child.

It's very specific but probably the fairest as the kids rooms are likely to be the smallest.

[SmallBee]

We would split it per room for s big family holiday. Although we just went away with my parents and went halves and it didn't occur to me so I'm feeling a bit guilty now!

[DonkeyOaty]

We split per person

So you would divide the property amount (say 100 quid) by however many nights (3 say) to get a daily rate. Then divided by how many folk are coming (11 not including your parents ) and multiply up.

So 100 ÷3 = 33.33

33.33÷11 = 3.03 per person per night

Still with me? Good, good

You and DH would be 2 x 3.03 x 3 = 18.18
We have handfuls of children and don't ever want to be a monetary burden on our wider family even though sometimes it costs us stupid money

BUT

Easier to split 3 ways and suck it up

[yomellamoHelly]

Adding to the chorus of per room.

[babybellishell]

Depends on the overall cost, £20 here or there I wouldn't bother, £200 I would.
If you do split it x3 then expect the families with DC to contribute more to the food bills.

[HoggleHoggle]

Per room, definitely. I'm actually shocked your sis thinks you should soak up some of the cost of your siblings' children's accommodation.

[MovingOnUpMovingOnOut]

Per room. Then it's up to them how many rooms they want.

I don't think you should subsidise their places.

[WipsGlitter]

Per room and then your parents room divided by three.

[BasinHaircut]

Is a difficult one. It's somewhere between splitting per couple and per person, depending on the other contributing factors.

I wouldn't expect a child's share to be the same as an adult's in terms of food and drink, but if your DSis and DBro need 2 bedrooms instead of 1 like yourselves then the only fair way to split that is per room as most people are saying. Otherwise you are just subsidising them.

You may need to concede slightly if you are getting a swanky master suite and they are all in twin beds and sharing a bathroom though.

[RainOnTheRoof]

We have done this with friends and family. It is a minefield.

Advice:
As others have said, split cost per room. But make absolutely sure that each family commit in advance to how many rooms they want, so if they are happy to save money by sharing with their children, or by having all of their children share, they can do so (I was once really annoyed to be charged per room by someone who had booked separate rooms for each of my children, aged 1 and 3, when they ended up sleeping in with us anyway).

Also agree up front what happens about food. This will be the next issue. We've always found it easier to have an "adult" catering rota / kitty and a completely separate children's rota / kitty, which only the people with children contribute to (older children might want to be treated as adults for food purposes, depending on appetites and level of fussiness!).

[Littleredhouse]

Tricky as it depends on the rooms I think. When we went away, we paid per room, but really it wasn't totally fair as dh and I & 2 kids had the 2 fairly cramped twin rooms, whereas the other 2 couples had lovely king sizes with en suites.