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Have you ever been put off someone by something they've said?

(121 Posts)
MysteryHopper Wed 16-Mar-16 12:32:39

As in the title really - have you ever really liked, respected and admired someone until they said one thing that totally put you off them and made you see them in a different light?

FreeSpirit89 Wed 16-Mar-16 12:36:38

All the time!

TheBouquets Wed 16-Mar-16 12:37:13

Not so much an individual more an occupation due to experiences. I do know that there are good and bad people in every occupation.

MrsMarigold Wed 16-Mar-16 12:39:12

Yes, Giles Coren described getting a blow job as being "noshed off". I fancied him like mad before, but that put me right off.

chantico Wed 16-Mar-16 12:42:36

Yes, but I try not to, on the basis of one thing said.

There was a time when I was the perpetrator. I was thinking A, but actually said B, which was badly expressed, crass, used a stereotype and could be construed as bigoted. And I am sure from both initial and long term reaction was taken as bigoted, and there was nothing whatsoever wrong in that reaction.

It's not me, what I thought then or what I think now. But I can totally understand why that person wanted to write me off on that basis, and know there is no getting back from it.

Anyone can misspeak, so I try not to jump to an opinion. But I expect I do.

SantanaBinLorry Wed 16-Mar-16 12:45:44

Yes, often!
Most recently, a nice guy I know, bright, smart, creative etc was describing how he was finding it difficult dating a woman the same age as himself, after a long relationship with a youger woman. He said you could see her age in her body, and y'know if you had the choice between beautifully presented Nuevo Cuisine and Steak Pie and instant mash, what would you chose...
shock

DementedUnicorn Wed 16-Mar-16 12:48:56

Oh yes totally! If someone says dickish things I quite often think they're a dick grin

TinklyLittleLaugh Wed 16-Mar-16 12:50:57

Wow, glad DH is a steak pie man <<misses point of thread>>

TinklyLittleLaugh Wed 16-Mar-16 12:58:00

I used to be fairly fond of FiL. Then we had a conversation about an article we had both read about drink spiking. He said he could "totally understand slipping something in a woman's drink to make her feel more up for it" but that subsequently gang banging, physically hurting or filming said drugged woman was completely out of order.

So FiL, rape is okay as long as it's done privately and the rapist is not violent.

I was so pissed off I told my teenage girls what he had said. A warning that seemingly lovely men can have dodgy boundaries about sex.

AlmaMartyr Wed 16-Mar-16 12:59:38

Yes, definitely. Although like Chantico, I'm aware of how easy it is to misspeak or be misunderstood so I do try and temperature my reaction unless it's very extreme.

KurriKurri Wed 16-Mar-16 13:01:38

I'm always a bit taken aback when someone I thought was quite sensible and down to earth says 'of course it's because I'm a Libra' or some other zodiac crap. I just flap my mouth in astonishment, and I see them slightly differently because they believe in total rubbish.

I get past it though grin - people are allowed to believe in what they like, but I do feel like saying 'seriously????' (and if I know them reasonably well I do say that)

VoldysGoneMouldy Wed 16-Mar-16 13:01:51

Quite frequently. I try not to, because one moment is not a fair representation of a person, and we all have bad days, but I think it's quite a normal thing to do, even if it's just subconciously.

hellhasnofurylikeahungrywoman Wed 16-Mar-16 13:01:52

Yes I completely changed my view about a (now ex) friend based on something she said.

VoldysGoneMouldy Wed 16-Mar-16 13:03:58

That said - sometimes it's completely justified.

VoldysGoneMouldy Wed 16-Mar-16 13:04:31

That said, sometimes it is completely justified.

SelfRaisingFlour Wed 16-Mar-16 13:05:51

I'm with KurriKurri, any mention of astrology makes someone go down in my estimation. Same goes for homeopathy.

MerryMarigold Wed 16-Mar-16 13:13:51

I've put my foot in my mouth many times and been totally mortified how something came out, and then dug myself into a deeper hole trying to extricate myself. Arghhhh. I'm sure I've been judged, but I just think, well if our friendship was worth that much that you couldn't take the time to understand what I'd said, or judge me on one comment, then it's not really worth having.

KurriKurri Wed 16-Mar-16 13:15:44

Oh yes - homeopathy SelfRaising - I'd forgotten that one !

Notso Wed 16-Mar-16 13:16:01

I often think 'wtf' at what some people say.
I have a friend who is lovely but always finding a drama or falling out with someone for a petty reason.

bettyberry Wed 16-Mar-16 13:24:58

all the bloody time! it is not limited too -

Anyone who spouts anti-vaxxer 'autism can be cured' nonsense.

ableist hoofwanking bellendery

anyone who passes me a bach flower remedy if I'm feeling anxious/off

pretty much anyone who makes an assumption about my current single parent status nope, didn't do it for a council house, the meagre benefits nor as a career choice. No i didn't 'trap' the ex for maintenance. No it wasn't a mistake. 6 miscarriages to get here was not a mistake

thing is though some moments of dickish behaviour can be just that but others are the start of a whole avalanche of dickish behaviour.

I'm not immune and some has slipped from my lips.

CallousAndStrange Wed 16-Mar-16 13:28:15

Yeah. Someone I'd previously liked started going on about how pissed off she got when disabled people parked in parent and child spaces.hmm Her own kids were well out of pushchairs and perfectly able to walk by this time. It just seemed so bizarre and unsympathetic, I went right off her.

ThumbWitchesAbroad Wed 16-Mar-16 13:37:57

Yes. A potential boyfriend; he was Turkish, on our first date he was telling me about his family back home and how they were very protective of their sister, so that when her husband beat her, he, his brother and father all went over there and beat him up back, so he never laid a finger on their sister again. Didn't quite have the desired effect on me, I was quite horrified! Didn't manage a second date.

RumAppleGinger Wed 16-Mar-16 13:37:57

Yep, I work with a woman who I always thought was perfectly sound of mind until I was discussing DS1's(5) disturbed sleep patterns recently. She has adult kids and I thought she might have some wisdom for me. She suggested it was more than likely that he was being visited by ghosts as five is the perfect age for connecting to other relms. hmm

MinniedeMinx Wed 16-Mar-16 13:42:04

A long term friend said her ex had 'rather let her down' in the divorce. He had promised a no fault divorce.
I pointed out to her she was living with her boyfriend, her exes ex best mate, at the time of the divorce.
'Well he promised us a no fault divorce'
I pointed out to her that his solicitor had to defend his client in court or be disbarred. And that as an ex police officer she should be aware of that.
Made no difference. He was being unreasonable.

She then said that any tax payer should be able to look at the bank statements and financial details of anyone on benefits.
I was gob smacked. I said so they have to hand over their bank statements to you, then 10 minutes later someone else demands to see them, and that goes on all day, and you think thats OK?
Yes. She was an ex police officer, and had the right,. And boasted that she had been selected to spy on people for British Intelligence. (!)

I pointed out to her she got DLA, but that was different. Not a benefit.
I explained the DSS already had access to that info, made no difference.
I pointed out to her that she had created a single parent on benefits with her affair and told her to fuck off. Havent spoken to her since.

LoisWilkersonsLastNerve Wed 16-Mar-16 13:45:52

I try not to let one comment stop me liking someone but sometimes people say things that make you realise you really have nothing in common. A recent one was about how homeless people should be left to freeze as 'they are all drug addicts and paedophiles anyway' hmm

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