to want to quit my job

[MrsBlimey]

I'm at my wits end with work. I work full time in middle mgmt and the atmosphere is pretty blokey mid-twenties alpha male and as a nearly 40 yr old woman I'm bloody fed up with it. Usually I can just roll my eyes, gives as good as I get and shrug stuff off and get on with my jobs but now I'm 4 mths pregnant, I barely have the energy or patience anymore to deal with it and it's got to the point when I dread going in. I'm lying awake at night worrying about the coming day and rehashing and analysing conversations and situations when I should be resting.

I feel that I'm constantly on the defensive and on the look out for snidey passive aggressive situations created by male colleagues who seem to be keen to point out anything which they don't like but kick up a huge stink if it's pointed out that they could have done something differently or did something wrong.

What's more, the person I line manage handed her notice in a few weeks ago and is due to leave at the end of the month and no steps whatsoever have been taken to replace her. It's looking as if her workload will then fall to me and that's something I could easily do without.

I've also been told to take time for antenatal appts etc as holiday otherwise it gets unpaid. I've told them that it's my right to have paid time out to attend appts in addition to holidays but this has fallen on deaf ears.

I really can't face it anymore. I've tried speaking to my line mgr and HR (marginally more reasonable than the others) but this hasn't really helped and nothing seems to have improved.

I'm sure that hormones and a change of priorities in my life do contribute to my interpretation of the situation but really, each day I feel less and less like I want to be part of the team.

If I left I could find stop gap work until I would be due to start mat leave but then I lose the employment benefits and paid mat leave if I were to stay. Also, I'm annoyed that I should feel driven from my work because of a dick swinging culture which struggled to deal with older women in the workplace.

Your advice would be much appreciated to help me put all this into perspective.

[BlueMoonRising]

I would:

a) Take maternity leave as soon as you can and

b) in the meantime get signed off with stress. The fact that you are dreading going in, you aren't sleeping, you don't have the energy to go in - thats all stress. And you are pregnant, you don't need that.

Then hand in your notice while on maternity leave. (Unless you have good company maternity pay if you return to work for three months, then you need to figure out your priorities - and save as much holiday as possible for your return if you do decide to return for three months)

It sounds really shit. I wouldn't blame you if you walked, but you are best to get as much time/money as you can, due to your pregnancy.

Good luck!

[blamethecat]

Sounds hard, but can you get advice about the appointments from a union or such like and go to your manager. HR with it ? I had similar problems in a very small business where I was the first person to be pregnant in 25 years it had been running, boss was clueless so I had to do all the leg work then present it to her in a way she couldn't argue. (printed from government website I think)
With regards to day to day work, when are you planning to start maternity leave ? I know it is probably awful but just focus on that and count down the days, loosing the benefits is probably a fairly significant thing to do.
Hope you find a solution that works for you.

[redexpat]

You are right, you are legally entitled to time off for antenatal appts. However i dont know what you should do next. Are you in a union? If not, join now. Ring ACAS for advice.

Were you told in person or in writing that you had to take time off as holiday? I would start a paper trail. Email whomever you spoke to asking them to confirm the policy for antenatal appts. Start backing up emails by forwarding them to a personal address.

Ask your line manager in writing when the recruitment process for the other person is likely to start.

It sounds as if they want you to jump before they have to pay you maternity leave. So they may be about to up the ante.

[MrsBlimey]

Thanks all. I'm due a review /appraisal tomorrow and I'm completely dreading it.

I've got most things in writing but will be chasing the antenatal leave and recruitment of employee today anyway. I just have s very berth feeling inside that the reason they aren't recruiting yet is because they're considering my role anyway...

[MrsBlimey]

*a very sinking feeling

Damn auto correct

[MrsBlimey]

Bluemoon
Would love to be signed off sick but I'd be on SSP and I simply can't afford it financially. Mat leave due to start August.
I'm going to the doctors today to chat through whether they can make recommendations to change work conditions to help (more flexible, reduce hours etc).

[MrsBlimey]

Blamethecat
Thanks for your wise words - HR have never really had to deal with this before. Pretty much all other females in co are younger and child free. I resent that I have to argue for my own position!

Also - forgot to mention - I am meant to have a revised contract as apparently I was mistakenly "given the wrong one to sign" originally but this hasn't materialised despite me asking a number of times. Which she's me more paranoid that they're dabbling wit it behind the scenes or are trying to get rid of me.

I want to stay to be paid but my sanity and health are worth more atm....

[BlueMoonRising]

Is that the earliest you can start your mat leave?

I would take it as soon as you are eligible to. You can amend your mat leave date.

[MrsBlimey]

Thank you
Absolute earliest is mid June. I went to the GP yesterday who has now signed me off anyway until mid April. Likely to be extended to take me to mat leave after all. Had better get used to being at home, I suppose!

[BlueMoonRising]

Brilliant, you really needed that. Enjoy the time, and use some of it to figure out how to cut your expenses (there are loads of places focused on that - moneysavingexpert is a good place to start).

And relax!!