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To think going through pregnancy alone will be awful

(28 Posts)
skiingthewaves Wed 16-Mar-16 06:56:59

This is the part I most dread (going to be a single parent) am I correct in thinking this?

PrincessHairyMclary Wed 16-Mar-16 07:06:42

No, you have no one to piss you off.
It's nice to take someone else to the scans to share goo news or in case you need some support.

I have done everything alone (with very close and supportive parents) and DD is now 6. You don't have the expectation that someone else will help out and know you have to do it yourself. Much better than waiting for a partner to help out when they're sat on the sofa playing Xbox in stead.

AutumnLeavesArePretty Wed 16-Mar-16 07:23:30

Apart from a little sickness and being unable to tie laces at the end, pregnancy didn't really affect daily life.

After is different as a single person I would imagine but many couples don't have the luxury of both being off.

JuxtapositionRecords Wed 16-Mar-16 07:24:27

What part specifically are you worried about? General pregnancy? Labour? Can you afford a doula for the birth if you would like someone there or do you have any family or friends that an support you?

My DH was useless throughout pregnancy and labour to be honest - obviously not comparing my situation to yours but he really didn't bring anything to the situation that helped so I may as well have been on my own.

skiingthewaves Wed 16-Mar-16 07:32:33

Just the whole pregnancy. Worried about scans, antenatal classes, vomit, lack of support smile

AlwaysDancing1234 Wed 16-Mar-16 07:40:23

I can imagine how scary it must feel right now but some of my friend and family with partners have said it'd be easier on their own with no one else with conflicting views to your own, no one to piss you off etc! I have a couple of single friends who have done it alone (one through choice one who's relationship ended during pregnancy) and they have managed just as well as the married couples.
Have you got family or friends who can support you? If not I'd recommend getting a doula for the birth of you can so that you have some support.

KayTee87 Wed 16-Mar-16 08:34:37

I wouldn't like to be doing it alone however thats because I love my husband. I would imagine that doing it alone would be much better than doing it with someone you didn't want to be with.
As pp suggested maybe a best friend or relative could be your 'partner' for appointments.

JuxtapositionRecords Wed 16-Mar-16 08:39:04

If you want to say, how far along are you? Because it may be you have an easy pregnancy. Can you talk to your midwife? I'm sure there is support available if you need it that they can set you up with.

Oysterbabe Wed 16-Mar-16 08:40:28

It might be fine. I had a very easy pregnancy.

middlings Wed 16-Mar-16 08:41:26

DH came to the 12 week scan and the 20 week scan and was present for the birth. I did all other appointments solo (and I'm complicated so there were lots!)

You'll be fine. smile

DontBuyANewMumCashmere Wed 16-Mar-16 08:43:27

I only vomited once during my pregnancy and that was on a day when I had an awful migraine.
I did have awful hip and joint pain (not diagnosed as spd but I think it probably was) and found moving very hard. If you have some close friends or family who can help out physically or emotionally I don't see why you wouldn't be fine!

Good luck and congratulations flowers

Bungleboggs Wed 16-Mar-16 09:14:52

I went through a twin pregnancy single. Had Hp but I meant I could just look after me and no one else. Did all my scans alone (lots of them due to twin complications) but It was special having them all to myself.

notinagreatplace Wed 16-Mar-16 09:36:34

I think parenting on your own is a lot harder than being pregnant on your own.

lborolass Wed 16-Mar-16 09:42:52

I don't agree at all, if you don't have any serious medical problems the tiredness might be an issue but if it's just you there's no one else to consider and you can rest if you need to.

For work reasons I went to all my scans, appointments, classesa alone and it was fine. Lots of people go to the hospital with female companions and not everyone is sick.

Are you already pregnant?

Oldraver Wed 16-Mar-16 09:48:16

I had my DS on my own though I had planned it that way and everything was fine...certainly not awful

I did have quite a few medical problems but had my Mum and friends on the end of the phone.

I wasn't working at the time and I could see that if you worked ad were alone things could be a bit more pressured. As it was I only had myself to please

EnthusiasmDisturbed Wed 16-Mar-16 09:53:33

I found being alone and pregnant harder than being a single parent

I found it very lonely, I had a very healthy pregnancy but worked long hours it's tiring no one to share the first kicks with or to help you get things ready but this was made harder as I was heartbroken and felt both I and my baby was being rejected

jenkait Wed 16-Mar-16 09:55:19

FWIW I'm going through pregnancy alone, I'm a single mom by choice (conceived by donor sperm in my later 30's). I have been totally fine doing it alone but I think it depends on your expectations... If someone had been left by a partner or something and it was unexpected and heartbreaking maybe that would be hard to deal with, but for me I went into this alone and it feels normal! I share my good news and complaints with friends and family. I might be missing out on more intimate experiences (like seeing the baby's u/s for the first time, etc) but really I don't know any different! Best of luck to you smile

EnthusiasmDisturbed Wed 16-Mar-16 09:56:31

I was ill once in my pregnancy that was a very difficult time

The issue of being totally responsible alone how you manage, afford extra costs, going back to work is really hard to take on board alone

Plan things to make it easier for yourself

Oldraver Wed 16-Mar-16 11:05:06

Jenkait makes a good point about expectations. For those of us who have chosen to have a child alone it is a very positive experience rather than the feeling of it not being what we would of wished.

DS was quite ill and never slept and as there was only us to please we could go back to bed and do what was needed when we felt like it. It actually felt like a luxury only pleasing ourselves

JanetOfTheApes Wed 16-Mar-16 11:18:25

Pregnancy is the easy bit. Even a bad one. It's the parenting alone that is the problem.

cbigs Wed 16-Mar-16 11:23:50

Hi op.
It's bittersweet depending on why you are on your own but actually I found it OK. Keep other people as support and going to scans etc. The single parent bit is hard work but also totally doable and the bond you have with your kids is ace.
I wouldn't pick it but i'm not sorry i've had the experience.

ChinUpChestOut Wed 16-Mar-16 11:33:41

I split up with my then boyfriend before I knew I was pregnant, just before I left the UK. As the (ex) boyfriend wasn't interested in either resurrecting the relationship or being involved, I stayed overseas and went through my whole pregnancy as a singleton, far away from family and friends (due to my career choice).

The only thing I missed were hugs, and sharing the "ooh" moments when my baby kicked. You'll have family and friends (I assume) and you can have all that with them. Hopefully you'll end up having a very special relationship with your child. My DS (now 16) is strong, independent and self-reliant. Exactly what I had to be.

You'll learn a lot about yourself and just how strong you are, which will stand you in good stead as a single parent. Don't go through this pregnancy feeling negative, go and enjoy all the bits that you can!

BoinkBoink Wed 16-Mar-16 11:41:23

I went through my first pregnancy completely alone (save for my my dad a step mother) when I was 23.

It was fine! I could do what I wanted when I wanted, no one to stress me out, no one to do anything for.

I was pretty happy and yes I did get sad when I saw happy couples out shopping for expensive buggies and planning the birth together I actually found the pregnancy easier than my subsequent two with DH.

After DD was born things got harder and I found the lack of any practical help/ support difficult. I was quite lonely.

BoinkBoink Wed 16-Mar-16 11:44:33

Also wanted to add it made my bond with DD much stronger, it was me and her against the world.

Being alone for the pregnancy intensified the bonding experience, all my energy went into her.

ridemesideways Wed 16-Mar-16 11:51:10

A doula would jump at the chance if you wanted a birth companion to go to scans / classes / appointments with. She will also give support in pregnancy and go on-call to be with you and support during birth. Trainees have their fees capped or may do it for expenses only via the Doula UK hardship fund.

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