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TO be fuming at SIL?

(9 Posts)
RPS123 Tue 15-Mar-16 11:36:29

Name change.

My 12yo DD got physically and verbally attacked on public bus recently by 4 pupils from another school. She was alone and is very shaken.

After meeting with HT of the other school, the pupils have been punished, and we're on the road to recovery.

Told DSIL, as I go to her for advice and support. I specifically told her not to tell anyone as we're keeping it quiet.

I recently had a message from an old friend I haven't spoken to for 3 years offering her support and disgust at the incident.

She can only have found out this from her DD who is in same classes as my SIL's DD.

Old friend crosses paths with my parents on a regular basis, and I do not want them to know about assault, DM currently undergoing chemo and exceedingly unwell.

I have spoken to old friend and mentioned not telling DM and my reasoning and she's certainly not going to mention it in the future.

I know that at this moment there's little chance of my parents finding out via this route, but AIBU to be fuming at how close it could have been. And atherosclerosis betrayal of my reasonable request?

SohowdoIdothis Tue 15-Mar-16 11:46:37

Two people can keep a secret if one of them is dead.

Your SiL probably use this to have a sencsible chat with your niece about personal safety, and probably told her daughter not to mention it, but it is something that a child would need to process, and children process by talking with others just as you did.

And tell your parents(they can read you perfectly and will sense something is up, it's more worrying to feel you are being kept in the dark), chemo (even there done that with myself and mum) doesn't mean being wrapped up in cotton wool, and why should your daughter have to watch what she says in front of people.

It was a weird situation for you to create, so release everyone from having to be duplicitous.

caravanista Tue 15-Mar-16 11:52:05

I agree that your SIL should it have shared the information. However, I do think that trying to keep it under wraps is likely to make more of a drama for your daughter. Your daughter may well want to talk things through with others she trusts.

RPS123 Tue 15-Mar-16 20:21:11

Thanks, but my DM won't notice.

teeththief Tue 15-Mar-16 20:31:28

Maybe the students from the other school had been talking about it rather than your sil?

SuperCee7 Tue 15-Mar-16 20:44:05

Ime news of things like this will always spread. You can't control it I'm afraid OP.

VoldysGoneMouldy Tue 15-Mar-16 21:08:29

Maybe she should have kept it quite, but TBH, I think keeping things like this quiet encourage a victim blaming mindset. Your SIL may well have been concerned for you and your daughter.

Boutonneux Tue 15-Mar-16 21:39:39

"Fuming" is a bit OTT but I can understand why you'd be miffed. As said above, once a secret is known by more than one person the chances of it staying secret are very slim...

steff13 Tue 15-Mar-16 21:57:17

Are you 100% sure your SIL spilled the beans? This happened on a public bus, it seems like it could have spread any number of ways.

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