To want to scream in this woman's face?(95 Posts)
My DD is 18 weeks. Has not slept through yet, but was ok - until 2 weeks ago she was having 1 night feed and settling fine after, so all manageable.
Now, it's like a switch has flicked and she is a nightmare. Unsettled, frequent wakings, thrashing about. I try giving extra feeds but she takes nothing or very little. The other night, she was wide awake at 3am and singing/babbling for an hour and a half. Then woke at 5.30am and did the same, until getting up time at 7am. She is in a co-sleeper cot next to me so I cannot escape the noise.
Last night was the worst - she woke up EVERY HOUR almost to the minute, between 10pm-6am. Thrashing, leg thumping. Not hungry, not wet, not even really crying or grumpy. Just awake and unsettled. I got 30-45 mins sleep at a time, ALL NIGHT. Today I feel like a broken shell.
Anyway. Just been to the childrens' centre to have DD weighed. Woman there with her 8 week old DS, cheerfully telling everyone in the waiting room that he feeds every 4 hours in the daytime and sleeps from 10pm-8am at night.
I know probably IABU to want to scream in her face, I should be happy for her and her miraculous sleeping baby. But I am so tired I cannot see straight, I just want to scream and cry and then drink a bottle of wine.
Thanks for listening.
Hold on tight. Her turn will come
Also she could be lying.
She's probably lying through her teeth
Are you aware of the four month sleep regression? Google it. It's when infant sleep patterns totally change, and it's very common for it to cause a lot of sleep disturbance. Hang in there, it will pass!
Her experience is her experience. Yours is yours. Your lovely DD will excel at something her child will struggle with.
But sleep deprivation sounds like the ultimate torture. Hope things get easier for you
If it makes you feel any better, I had almost no sleep for 12 weeks, with my 3rd baby.
If your baby girl is waking up, just for a little chat to herself, which by the way sounds so lovely, can you not put her in the next room, trust me when she needs feeding, you will hear it.
Apologies if that goes against best practice, my 3rd baby is 10
She's not saying it to deliberatly annoy you, surely she's allowed to be proud?
My DD has always been a great sleeper and eater. People are constantly commenting that she's not crawling/teething yet (8mo) so I try to bring up what she can do, I want to focus on the positives!
You don't know this woman, you don't know what she might be going through. We all have struggles with our DCs. Let it go over your head and remember that your DDs sleep problems won't last forever.
Go straight for the wine and be smug in the knowledge that in another 10 weeks it'll be her turn.
Totally understand but one day you may have a lovely sleeping baby or toddler while hers is difficult. 8 weeks is too early to be counting her chickens!
If it makes you feel better then dd1 slept 12 hours a night by 8 weeks. She slept 6 hours from birth.
By 9 months she did 12 hours at night and usually 2-3 in the afternoon.
Then dd2 came along and at about 18 months she got given medised (no longer licenced for children) as she didn't sleep. I kept food diaries, did different bedtime routines, fed her porridge last thing at night in the hope she would sleep. She didn't.
It was entirely child, nothing I'd do.
but I would suggest that at 18 weeks, if she's waking you to that extent, you consider moving her into her own room.
I wouldn't wish a non-sleeping baby on another mum.
Her baby may sleep well but she might be having other problems, you never know.
Talking about the things your DC do that you're proud of is one thing, but doing it in front of people who may be struggling (through no fault of their own) to establish the same with their own DC is unfeeling, insensitive and possibly deliberately unkind. I've said my share of stupid things in baby groups ("One baby is so easy!! I didn't realise until I had my second!" Other person: "I'm not finding my one baby easy." Me: ) and I apologised when I realised I had upset people.
It will pass op.
When i had my dd2 I'd probably have very been jealous of you that until 2 weeks ago your dd was having 1 night feed and settling fine after. If she's done it before she'll probably go back to it soon.
Take no bloody notice. Here time will come. No one likes a bragger, especially karma.
I've never got bragging. It's something I've never done, and people who do brag. Ivd learned to cross the road to avoid them
"I don't give a shit. That your little darling was reading at 3, and is now in Cambridge, and as a baby. They slept from 6pm-7am. I have my own child and her achievements to be proud of. "
She's either lying or deranged through lack of sleep.
Give DD time OP, she'll sleep through soon enough.
and till she does.
She might not have been lying, but equally it may well not last.
YANBU. My first didn't sleep through until he was SIX years old. Sleep deprivation is a form of torture, you are allowed to feel irrational and stabby all you like. Hope it gets better soon.
Thanks for all the replies. I know I need to ignore & rise above it. Also know that every baby is different and I just need to roll with the punches.
The health visitor who I poured my woes to, in floods of tears, was next to useless in terms of empathy or advice! Feels a bit better to vent on here, and now I'm off to google 4 month sleep regression.
Appreciate everyone's comments.
You know what sympathies and all OP but I hate the 'probably lying' shit. My two have been good sleepers, I never boasted about it or anything. You know what though? That didn't mean they weren't challenging in other ways ffs. If I had have said anything I wouldn't have been lying, I would have been talking about something they did really well (just luck really) rather than other things we have struggled with that I probably talked about during another conversation.
YANBU for wanting to scream at anyone who brags about their perfect sleeping baby, but YWBU to actually do it!
If baby is just waking for waking's sake, how about ear plugs? Or putting DD in her own room? I was worried about both initially but the ear plugs just block out the low level grumbly noises, you can still hear proper 'I need you to get up and look after me know please' noises.
Things change with children all the time! My DS was a difficult sleeper until he hit a stone in weight and then he has been fantastic since then - except for various growth spurts (he is 6 years old) when things go haywire again. I remember also he was a brilliant eater - ate everything. I was so pleased about that. Then once he hit the age of 3 he changed....... he is still very fussy, and very hard to get new things down him. I also recall someone who had a DS the same age asking me when our Ds' were about 2 years old how DS was in the bath. He loved them. Literally, that very self same night he changed and has hated baths ever since. Other things..... he did not speak a single word at the age of 2 years for example. Other children did and their parents would say 'Oh my child was speaking months ago' and it would upset me terribly.
Nothing stays the same and you have to deal with the child you have at the time you have them.... but I hope so much that you get some decent sleep soon!
I have no advice only sympathy. My DS1 would hardly sleep and used to shake his leg to stay awake from just 3 weeks old. It was a complete bugger and I felt like a zombie. He's 18, at uni and can now sleep for hours and fall asleep literally anywhere - must say that the impulse to wake him up just for a little bit of revenge is very strong sometimes!!
Wrt the title of your op: YWNBU to WANT to shout in her face, but you YWBU to do so. You know that though, and you didn't do it, so it is officially all ok. You have good self-control and boundaries
I sometimes look back on the days when I'd be grateful for 4 hours sleep in a row and marvel at how I survived. DS2 once woke me up 8 times in 7 hours. <shudders>
It will pass op.
Join the discussion
Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.Register now
Already registered with Mumsnet? Log in to leave your comment or alternatively, sign in with Facebook or Google.
Please login first.