AIBU to not refill her lunchbox?

[Joolsy]

I make DD (yr 7) a lovely substantial, healthy-ish lunch for school every day. She comes home from school and I have to ask her at least 3 times to empty it. I then wash it up and refill it for the next day. I've said to her, if she doesn't empty it, I won't refill it.

I'm sick and tired of asking her several times every day to do this simple job. Same again today - lunchbox is still in her school bag. I've asked her twice so am now considering not asking her again, then tomorrow she'll go to grab her lunch from the fridge and it won't be there.

WIBU in the hope she'll learn to do it without nagging? My only hesitation in doing this is that she'll be in a mad panic and will make us all late for school/work etc while she/I rush around sorting out her lunch.

[lilone1234]

You could still make her lunch, not put it in lunchbox so you're not in a rush after you've made your point but probably more effective to tell her to do it now and not to do anything else until it's done and get into habit of doing this straight after school.

My mum still had this problem with my brother when he was 21.

[dingit]

This drives me mad. Mine are 14 and 17. Other than their homework, it's my only ask of them.

[WhetherOrNot]

and will make us all late for school/work etc while she/I rush around sorting out her lunch.

Less of the I here misses!! She can get her own lunch or go without.

[ctjoy103]

Get two for her, make it in the one she's not using for the day. No hassle for both of you .

[FastWindow]

Year 7, whats that, 12 ish?

[Littlef00t]

I'd ask again, being clear that it won't be made unless you have it, then at least when you follow through it was the latest conversation youd had about it.

[Cutecat78]

She's old enough to be making her own lunch?!

[ravenAK]

I have this most days from at least one of my three.

I just shout that I'm putting the dishwasher on NOW, any lunchboxes need to go in?

I do lunches once dishwasher finishes, so anyone who doesn't have their box emptied & handed over gets their lunch in an old ice cream tub or a carrier bag, whatever I have to hand.

They dislike this so generally it works. It's only a real problem when I forget to chase at start of weekend & everything festersin school bags. Boak.

[TooOldForGlitter]

By year 7 I'd let her deal with the consequences and go without.

[Joolsy]

Yes, she was 12 in Sept

We only have 1 of the particular lunchbox she uses, it has lots of different compartments for all her different snacks. I think I may just make the sandwiches etc so she can put the bits in in the morning when she remembers the lunchbox is still in her bag

[jwpetal]

I make the lunch and if the lunch bag is not in the kitchen and emptied, I just put the lunch on the counter in the morning. Every once in awhile there is an issue but we are getting there. They are now helping do the lunches which has also helped.

[FeliciaJollygoodfellow]

I think I'd just tell her that as she can't be arsed neither can I.

Leave her to it.

[SuperCee7]

Why would you rush around sorting her a new lunch? What would be the point, she still gets her lunch so will she really care enough to stop leaving it in her bag?

[andsoimback]

I have a dd same age. Why are you still making her packed lunch?

[Minisoksmakehardwork]

As you're still making her lunches, I'd stop hassling for the lunchbox after you've reminded her one last time. But tell her you won't be putting her lunch in it if she can't be bothered to empty it.

Eventually she will either get fed up of having to wash the box out to put her lunch in - I'd not make it too easy, put everything on a plate, cover with cling film and go from there. If it continues, you can tell her you won't be making her lunches either after x date (Easter?) and it will be down to her.

I feel your pain, although mine are aged 3, 5 and 7. But I'm training them that lunch boxes get emptied once coats and shoes are off any away. They're not supposed to play out/games or watch tv until it's done and I won't agree to them doing anything they want until it's done. So they either do it or end up sitting doing nothing.

[keeprunninguphill]

She's 12. Her lunch is her responsibility.

[SoupDragon]

I have a dd same age. Why are you still making her packed lunch?

Because not everyone parents the same way as you.

[BloodyPlantagenets]

Blimey. Dd is 12 and has been sorting her own lunch for years. I subscribe to the benign neglect form of parenting.

[Muskateersmummy]

I've said to her, if she doesn't empty it, I won't refill it.

If you have said this to her, the yes you absolutely have to. You Gave a consequence, You need to follow that through. I would warn once more, and then stick to it.

I'm a big believer in don't say it if you aren't going to follow it through

[Squiff85]

I am surprised at 12 some of you expect your kids to make their own lunches.

Definitely emptying their lunchbox etc but making their own? I presume you know what they're putting in?

OP - I would prep it and hide it in the fridge, so its ready for when she panics that she didn't empty it!

[Lurkedforever1]

My dd is same age. I'd just calmly say 'just letting you know I've finished in the kitchen, and I haven't done your lunch because I didn't have the box. So don't forget to make it before bed, ok?'. And then next day say 'can you bring your lunchbox please, or are you doing it later?'

That's pretty much my usual response to anything dd leaves undone, from 87 items of floor hung clothing preventing me vacuuming her room to the bedding being buried when I need to change it. I'll do stuff for you, but not if you make work for me.

[Joolsy]

Yes, the reason I still make her lunch is because she would probably throw assorted junk in there! At least when I make it there is a balanced diet. If it was down to her there's no way she would bother with peeling/chopping fruit/carrots etc! (She doesn't like 'whole' fruit - takes too long to eat so I usually give her cut up kiwi/melon/mango etc)

[Joolsy]

Oh and I make mine and OH's at the same time, so only a few extra mins to make hers

[nonicknameseemsavailable]

I read that as she was 7 not in Yr7. I was just wondering if I was pandering to my yr2 and 3 children by doing it for them!

[sadie9]

What works better is instead of saying something negative or a threat like 'I won't fill your lunch box, and you'll have no lunch and be late for school', a more effective sort of 'nag', (let's call it Positive Nagging) is to (1) State the value of the behaviour, then (2) state What You Do to Get there. So you have 'If you would like me to do your lunch for tomorrow can you please empty it now' or 'If you would like to be on time for school tomorrow, can you empty your lunchbox now otherwise I can't fill it'. And just keep repeating that.
Not refilling the lunchbox is not an incentive for her to empty it. She'll only worry about her lunch going out the door tomorrow morning, or when it's actually lunchtime. Giving you extra work is not an incentive for her to empty it. Having you make her lunch and get her to school on time is an incentive. Name the thing that impacts her, and name it in a way that emphasises the positive aspect of it.