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AIBU to be really pissed off with my BIL?

(29 Posts)
lalalalyra Mon 14-Mar-16 18:11:28

I'm so annoyed. BIL had arranged to take my twin 13-year-olds and my 8-year-old to an event tomorrow after school. He said he'd take them for something to eat then to the event (a one off thing at the local swimming pool). BIL is, to the children, the best thing since sliced bread so they've been excited for weeks. All of the children are excellent swimmers, but you have to be 9 to get in alone so 8yo needs an adult and DD2 has epilepsy and a couple of other issues that mean I wouldn't be happy with her going without an adult. It's a 20 minute drive away and was planned well over a month ago when the event was first advertised.

He has text me today to say he has a date so can't take them, but he'll make it up to them next week.

My DH (his brother) is working away on a long stint (12 weeks) so I'm home alone. I'm 7 1/2 months pregnant and also have a 2 1/2 year old so me taking them isn't possible as toddlers can't go (it's like an activity obstacle course thingy in the pool).

So I get the fun jobs of telling them they are not going and dealing with them tomorrow when lots of other kids they know are going and they can't.

I also have the fun of trying to decide if DD1 can go with her friends, which seems unfair on DD2. I could take the chance and let DD2 go as well, she is allowed to go to lots of places, but I don't like her in water without an adult, but that still leaves the issue of 8yo who simply can't go without an adult and I can't take him. 16yo DS who could have taken 8yo is on a school trip.

So tempted to tell him to phone and tell the kids so he can deal with the chorus' of "But eeeeveryonnnneeee is going..."

I know for a fact he wouldn't dream of cancelling a pre-arranged event with an adult so I think it's really quite rude of him to do it to the kids. Although at the same time he's not obliged to take them anywhere.

Organon8 Mon 14-Mar-16 18:13:49

It's part of life, people often change plans

It was nice of him to offer but now he can't. Fair enough

Kids have to learn this happens sometimes

ctjoy103 Mon 14-Mar-16 18:15:50

Yanbu to feel upset for your kids but he was doing them a favour so you can't really get angry with him. These things happen.

usual Mon 14-Mar-16 18:18:26

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Janecc Mon 14-Mar-16 18:23:35

How unkind. And a coward to do it in a text. He knows their dad is away and is stepping into the father role. He probably has nooo idea of his actions. I would text him and explain how disappointed the children are. How you feel as a mother - that you are struggling to brook their disappointment. Ask him what he is going to do to make it up to them. Tell him it will have to be something special.

LineyReborn Mon 14-Mar-16 18:23:39

He's got a date on a Monday so he's letting three kids down - his brother's kids presumably? That's a bit crap.

He could move the weekday date, or see him/her a bit later tonight. The swimming thing if it's for kids won't be on that late.

Letting the kids down isn't great.

molyholy Mon 14-Mar-16 18:23:50

He wasn't doing the OP 'a favour'. He arranged a trip for the kids and has cancelled as he's had a better offer. It's shitty of him. You can't do that to kids. He's a big old meanie. Yanbu to be pissed off.

LineyReborn Mon 14-Mar-16 18:24:40

Sorry Tuesday date, not Monday.

Bailey101 Mon 14-Mar-16 18:26:39

That's really shitty of him - short of work or health issues, he should not be bailing out people like this! I'd make him explain to the kids why they can't go anymore, it might him think twice about breaking his promises in future.

Sandbrook Mon 14-Mar-16 18:26:43

I'd be annoyed too on 2 counts.
1. He's cancelling a one off event for something that can be done anytime. He can date on thurs instead

2. He's letting kids down. They don't understand like adults do.

I'd be letting him know he's badly letting them down after committing to it

Inertia Mon 14-Mar-16 18:26:56

I'd tell him to speak to the children himself. Plans change, which is why you don't promise something to children unless you're going to deliver.

I think it's shitty of him to let the children down knowing that the event is a one-off and cannot be rescheduled.

helennotsomadnow Mon 14-Mar-16 18:27:54

probably to late now but I would have texted back and said that he needed to call the kids and tell them

LeaLeander Mon 14-Mar-16 18:28:57

I'd be angry too and insist that he tell the kids himself.

And I'd be reluctant to make future plans involving him.

Ifailed Mon 14-Mar-16 18:31:34

he should take the date to the pool with the kids.Who knows where it might lead?

jlivingstone Mon 14-Mar-16 18:35:19

If he doesn't have children then he probably hasn't realised how upset they'll be. Call (not text) and explain.

Give him chance to make it right.

If he's serious about his date then she'll a) understand and even be impressed b) notr understand and not be worth worrying about.

Chocolatteaddict1 Mon 14-Mar-16 18:38:19

Let's kids down on a pre -arranged outing for a date is shit!

YANBU angry

HanYOLO Mon 14-Mar-16 18:40:21

Oh no, how disappointing.

I agree that offering to take your nieces and nephews out is not "a favour", so backing out is bad form even if he is madly in love and the person in question cannot meet two hours later or the next day instead . Has he done that before?

That said, the kids will live.

MyKingdomForBrie Mon 14-Mar-16 18:43:24

Oh that will be disappointing for them. Really shit of him to not say to his date 'ok so I'm not free Monday, how about X other day'. If he was meeting the op not her kids I bet everyone would declare him unanimously rude.

I would be texting back saying that's shit to letthem down and he should rearrange date.

gamerchick Mon 14-Mar-16 18:51:28

My brother pulls this sort of shit. The bairns always beside himself with excitement and they either don't turn up or are hours late. Now I don't tell him he's being taken out until I get notification they're actually on their way.

Let him know he's upset the kids by letting them down. Sometimes people forget kids have feelings and do mind.

CalleighDoodle Mon 14-Mar-16 18:56:28

Id be furious too. Life is full of disappointment, why should children have to deal with it when it is avoidable. Really selfish behaviour from bil.

lalalalyra Mon 14-Mar-16 19:05:08

Before I got a chance to reply to him (wanted to wait until I'd calmed) he text again to say his flatmate - who has basically been part of the in laws family since they were both kids - had "told him he was being a dick" because it was his idea to take the kids.

So he's rearranged his date (hopefully she won't think he's flaky for postponing their first date!) and is taking them after all. He's back in the good BIL camp.

Thanks for letting me rant though! Much appreciated.

MadamDeathstare Mon 14-Mar-16 19:11:30

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MadamDeathstare Mon 14-Mar-16 19:12:28

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

RatherBeRiding Mon 14-Mar-16 19:14:25

Well good for the flatmate! He sounds like a decent sort of bloke. Glad he made BIL see sense.

Very poor of him to cancel a long-standing one-off event in favour of a date. I would have been very pissed off!

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