Advanced search

Aibu or is ex DH re custody & maintenance?

(13 Posts)
KolaKoola Sun 13-Mar-16 20:03:34

Ex DH and I separated almost 2 years ago. We have a civil relationship and co parent.

I have just realised he's been underpaying me child maintenance for the past year.

I have DC Tuesday-Sunday one week,
then Tuesday to Friday the next.

I do the lions share of the week and get every other weekend until Sunday morning.

I used to have every Friday too until he changed it 6 weeks ago (unsure if this had anything to do with him realising he's not paying enough maintenance...?)

I would like my Friday nights back (they go to him at 10am Saturday) with DC, so that I get a morning to relax with them more than once a fortnight.

He says no.

He then said let's let the kids decide.

He knows full well they'll want to stay with him as he lets them play on iPads all day, has his DM on hand every day ( retired primary school teacher) and basically is a good fun dad.


PaulAnkaTheDog Sun 13-Mar-16 20:06:50

I think that what they get to do at his house is irrelevant (unless it's detrimental to them). The maintenance issue shouldn't be confused with allowing your children see their dad as much as is fair. Sort access, then sort maintenance (with lawyers if need be). Hope you get it sorted flowers

NickyEds Sun 13-Mar-16 20:41:37

YABU- maybe their dad wants to have a Saturday morning to relax with them once a fortnight too. You're conflating maintenance and access. If you have a good relationship now then I'd try to keep it that way. Was the under payment a matter of over sight, a mistake? Is he going to rectify it and can he afford to backdate it?

KolaKoola Sun 13-Mar-16 21:13:47

Yes you're right. I suppose I get one sat and sun morning a fortnight and he gets the other.

I don't know if it was an oversight or not, I'll give him the benefit of the doubt though.

I feel bad pulling him up on the maintenance tbh, even though it's the minimum he is legally required to pay. I feel a bit grabby and guilty asking for the extra.

SolidGoldBrass Sun 13-Mar-16 21:16:57

Bring up the maintenance as though it's an oversight rather than something he's deliberately doing - it may actually be a mistake on his part. Though don't feel guilty about it - they are his children and he has both a legal and ethical obligation to pay towards their care and upkeep.

PaulAnkaTheDog Sun 13-Mar-16 21:23:24

What solid said. Love threads like this: the op taking advice, thinking about her children and giving the benefit of the doubt. People like you are few and far between on mumsnet!

RubbleBubble00 Sun 13-Mar-16 21:26:38

I would just casually ask if he could check the maintenance calculatations again as you u think they might be a bit low.

KolaKoola Mon 14-Mar-16 15:02:37

He's asked me to check and he owes me £600.

With ex's proposal in place it means I only see DC on a weekend one a fortnight, yet he has them all weekend one week and all Sunday the next.

I'm not sure this is fair the more I think about it.

KolaKoola Mon 14-Mar-16 15:03:26

*once a fortnight

KolaKoola Mon 14-Mar-16 18:11:56


lalalalyra Mon 14-Mar-16 18:15:22

Why does he have him on the Sunday on your weekend? Why not Monday? You should have a whole weekend with your children at some point. It doesn't seem like you ever have the chance to take them away for a weekend, or even for an overnight somewhere on a Saturday as your weekend ends on Sunday morning which doesn't seem right to me.

EatShitDerek Mon 14-Mar-16 18:15:23

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

KolaKoola Mon 14-Mar-16 18:25:28

That must be tough koala.

I just feel after the hectic school run days it would be nice to have a bit of chill out time every week.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now