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To think I'd have skipped this wedding

(149 Posts)
dingalong Sun 13-Mar-16 14:29:11

I was at a wedding at the weekend. The reception was about 40 minutes from our house. I'm still bf ds and I've two other kids 6 and 4 so I went to wedding but headed home after the meal, as my dm was minding them.
Another mum there mentioned that her ds (7 months) was just home from hospital that day after a procedure. Her mum was minding the child at home and this other mum was staying overnight at the hotel.
I offered to drive her home if she needed at any time or she could leave with me (dh was staying later but coming home)

I thought today that I couldn't have left my ds at that age in that situation. Aibu to think I'd miss a wedding for something like that

andadietcoke Sun 13-Mar-16 14:29:56

It depends on the procedure and how close I was to the bride/groom.

PurpleDaisies Sun 13-Mar-16 14:32:13

It totally depends. The grandmother might be really used to babysitting so the child would be really comfortable with her. The procedure might have been something really minor. We're all different.

dingalong Sun 13-Mar-16 14:32:23

Not particularly close to bride and groom and the baby's legs were in a cast.

BlueMoonRising Sun 13-Mar-16 14:32:36

YANBU to think that you would miss the wedding.

YABU if you think that is the only 'right' decision. I can see why someone might want to let their hair down for one night after the stress of a child in hospital is over.

dingalong Sun 13-Mar-16 14:34:43

I think I'm just probably silly but i couldn't leave him.

dingalong Sun 13-Mar-16 14:35:58

No I'm not judging them, I'm asking if I'd be silly to do different.

witsender Sun 13-Mar-16 14:37:03

Lucky you didn't have to really.

This is a no brainer. Is it that shocking that someone might do things differently to you?

kimlo Sun 13-Mar-16 14:37:39

I wouldnt have gone to the wedding. My dds would be ok with their grandma but personally I wouldnt have left them.

lalalalyra Sun 13-Mar-16 14:38:20

I don't think there is anything silly in that situation. Staying at home with them is fine and leaving them with a capable grandmother is also fine.

RudeElf Sun 13-Mar-16 14:39:42

For all you know that wedding was the only chance she had to do something not involving her child's illness for a long time. Maybe it was her one day of being her and having a day off worrying and caring (physically) for an ill child.

Birdsgottafly Sun 13-Mar-16 14:39:54

Could just be a snip for tongue tie, or part of ongoing health issues.

I've had my GD overnight from about six weeks old, we have a good bond, she's now nearly eighteen months, its the norm in my family for a Nan to be so hands on.

On a side point, no elderly person has ever sat isolated, or unable to go out, because the care has been shared by both Children and Grandchild (and wider family).

You don't love your children more because you don't want to leave them. I didn't leave mine until they were nearly two, but that was my choice.

BlueMoonRising Sun 13-Mar-16 14:40:00

Why would you think you would be 'silly'? Surely it's blindingly obvious that you would not be unreasonable to stay home in that circumstances.

The fact that you offered to take her home early (presumably when she had not made any noises to indicate she wanted to) and the fact that you asked the question does make it seem like you think she was wrong.

ProbablyMe Sun 13-Mar-16 14:40:56

I guess the mother knows her child and mother well enough to know it would be OK. My son has had lots of procedures and hospitals stays so I guess I view it differently. I would have gone, but hospital stays and procedures are "normal" in my house.

Flossyfloof Sun 13-Mar-16 14:41:32

Why do you care?

dingalong Sun 13-Mar-16 15:10:43

Blue moon - I'd only said it to her tone nice.

I care because in her situation I'd have stayed - but was wondering would I have have missed the wedding due to my child getting 2 casts on, and would the general consensus be that I was unreasonable to do so.

I'm not asking anyone to judge her. I'm asking am I unreasonable.
I only told her I could bring her as I said if she wanted a glass of wine etc I'd be able to drive her if there was an emergency.

dingalong Sun 13-Mar-16 15:12:04

Apologies for typos. I cracked my screen and some of the buttons are acting up

theycallmemellojello Sun 13-Mar-16 15:14:22

confused - you must be very busy if you start a thread on the internet everytime someone makes a different decision to the one you would have made!

LaContessaDiPlump Sun 13-Mar-16 15:17:37

YANBU to think that you'd respond differently in that situation. YWBU to judge her for behaving as she did, though, because you are not actually her and don't know all the details of her life.

If it were me, I think it would depend on prognosis. If my DS was happy enough in himself and being looked after by someone we trusted, then yes, why not go out. Bit of a break from worry. If he was fretful and we were anxious about how he was feeling (i.e. not clearly on the mend) then I'd probably stay home. It sounds like she felt her son was in Option A.

dingalong Sun 13-Mar-16 15:19:41

I'm feeding ds at the moment in bed. I've cancelled nights out before and probably will in the future so I was just thinking about this scenario.
No ones forcing you to reply mello

dingalong Sun 13-Mar-16 15:20:50

Contessa - please show me where I'm judging ?

LaContessaDiPlump Sun 13-Mar-16 15:23:06

You and she would clearly respond differently. Neither of you is wrong, per se. Are you trying to get a sense of how many people would respond like you? If so, is it because you're seeking approval? If so, I heartily approve your course of action as it is suitable for you and your family.

<bangs gavel>

Seriously though, both you and she are displaying normal responses. It's just that there's just a range of normal.

LaContessaDiPlump Sun 13-Mar-16 15:24:26

People only generally go 'Hey, this person did a thing differently to how I would do it. What does everyone think of that?' if they suspect that the other person is wrong. If they suspect that they themselves are wrong then they keep schtum. Human nature, innit.

NanaNina Sun 13-Mar-16 15:25:14

What on earth does it matter.......parents will make all sorts of decisions that other parents don't agree with - it's called life - maybe you need to get one!

dingalong Sun 13-Mar-16 15:26:13

Yep - I'm only canvassing opinion - more in case my response is reasonable or unreasonable. I've sent dh to things on his own as dcs were ill and wondering if I'm not on my own with this 😄

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