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(41 Posts)
busyboysmum Sun 13-Mar-16 13:01:04

Posting on here for traffic as need help with a situation that has arisen with 14 year old ds1.

Basically he has been nagging for weeks now to be allowed to play GTA5. All his friends are playing it at the moment and he is being left out of it as I have said no. It doesn't sound like a game I want him to be playing. We had a chat about it and he said his friends weren't doing any nasty stuff but I said it was still not a nice premise and i thought we'd agreed to disagree.

Anyway an Amazon parcel has just been delivered which I opened before looking at the label as I was waiting for a book I'd ordered and thought it was that.

In fact it was GTA5. I have stashed it in a cupboard for now as dh is hiking with ds2 and Scouts today and obviously I need to discuss it with him when he gets home.

Ds1 has been down to ask if I have seen a parcel as he is waiting for a delivery of a game he has ordered with his birthday money. I said I hoped it wasn't that game we had discussed and he said no it was another game. Modern Warfare.

Just wanted people's thoughts really as to how to deal with this. Thanks

WelliesTheyAreWonderful Sun 13-Mar-16 13:10:51

Quite apart from your views about GTA, your DS has asked you for permission to do something, you've said no and he's gone ahead with it anyway - he shouldn't be allowed to play the game.

I think you need to speak to your son about this, say it has arrived and you're disappointed. It must be hard for him to not be involved as these games are now social experiences, the kids spend hours on them online together (I think GTA is one of these games anyway, not much experience in gaming tbh) but you've said no as it's not suitable for his age, maybe he needs a more in depth discussion about exactly why you don't want him playing it? Good luck with this though, it sounds tough. Hopefully someone with more experience with this will be along soon!

ghostyslovesheep Sun 13-Mar-16 13:14:34

how could he order it without you knowing

noeuf Sun 13-Mar-16 13:15:46

As the owner of a thirteen year old who wants to play call of duty with his mates (and was allowed a 16 at 12 to fit in in exactly the same way) I am beginning to wonder if actually my battle should be over length of time online and not what he is playing. I am considering removing phone and Xbox and kindle after a daily 'allowance' and backing off on age ratings.
However this doesn't help as your ds has disobeyed you and lied to you.

busyboysmum Sun 13-Mar-16 13:16:14

Thank you. This is all new to me. My first teenage rebellion. Don't want to overreact don't want to play it down.

WonkoTheSane42 Sun 13-Mar-16 13:16:49

You should use the parental controls on the console so 18 rated games can't be played on it. Then he can have the game disc he bought and keep it for his 18th birthday. It'll sort Modern Warfare too, which is also inappropriate for a 14 year old.

Owllady Sun 13-Mar-16 13:16:52

My 14 yo isn't allowed it either. All his friends have it blah blah blah. I let him play his tiny violin
Personally I would remove his games console for going behind my back after I'd said no but I'd also lay it on thick in a calm a measured manner that he was underage whilst referencing the criminal aspect <evil> wink *

*I don't know how it is illegal when you order it on online, if he's used your account to obtain goods he would be unable to buy in a shop but I find embellishment of any half truths is often believed by rabbit in the headlight teens...

I let mine play other games btw but gta is a no.

busyboysmum Sun 13-Mar-16 13:17:27

He has his own bank account and told me the other day that he had set up his own Amazon account through it.

chantico Sun 13-Mar-16 13:18:12

Modern Warfare is a CoD game and rated 16.

What level ahead of his actual age have you let him have games before? Because he seem to think it's OK for him to buy others above his age and and I was wondering if that's permitted or he's hoping you won't notice.

How does he intend to play GTA5? If online with friends, it's actually much tamer than the 18 rated single player version. Have you had these conversations with him about content?

busyboysmum Sun 13-Mar-16 13:19:28

Ok useful info about parental controls thank you. He's always played in plain sight so never considered I would need them.

bloodyteenagers Sun 13-Mar-16 13:19:43

So you said no and he's gone behind your back and either got his dad on side. Or he has opened an Amazon account and either convinced his dad to help or lied to Amazon about his age.

Log into Amazon and see what game was ordered. If no games then you know there is a separate account.

bloodyteenagers Sun 13-Mar-16 13:20:41

He cannot just open an Amazon account as he is under 18. He has lied to them as well.

ImperialBlether Sun 13-Mar-16 13:20:48

Oh come on, Wonko, I'm as strict as anyone, but nobody waits until their 18th birthday before playing an 18 game.

busyboysmum Sun 13-Mar-16 13:21:18

Yes we have talked about content. He would be playing it online with his friends. He's got a ps4 for his birthday which was Feb and showed me all his friends online and they were all playing it so he had no-one to play games with.

Owllady Sun 13-Mar-16 13:23:07

Gta is vile though, why would you want your 14yo son to enjoy playing a game that treats women like that?

busyboysmum Sun 13-Mar-16 13:24:56

I don't I'm a feminist I told him I was unhappy with it's depiction of women. It led to a discussion about pornography and desensitization.

UnderTheGreenwoodTree Sun 13-Mar-16 13:29:33

Yes, our 14yr old did an identical thing.

We've confiscated the ghastly thing, and he had a ban on gaming for a while (I forget how long now - but several days).

He now doesn't order anything on Amazon without us pre-authing it - and if he does he doesn't get it.

He fed us the line about all his friends playing too - miraculously, he has managed still found friends to play other games with.

chantico Sun 13-Mar-16 13:30:22

"Gta is vile though, why would you want your 14yo son to enjoy playing a game that treats women like that?"

You do not have to select those missions as part of the game. And they are not necessarily what attracts player to it at all.

Unfortunately in going behind your back and buying it anyhow, he has sharply reduced any faith you might have in his trustworthiness making it hard if not impossible to take his word on which missions he would play.

RebootYourEngine Sun 13-Mar-16 13:30:46

GTA games are rubbish. Why would anyone want to play them?

I would be mighty pissed off if my ds did this. He would have the amazon account and his bank account closed.

VivianJames Sun 13-Mar-16 13:46:15

I am feminist mum, my son did this too when he was 13, when I took his games from me he called me a SJW cunt. He left to live with his father a year later and he lets him play the game.

I feel bad I couldn't raise a good feminist son and he is turning out like his dad but I still have my daughters to care about..

ladymariner Sun 13-Mar-16 13:55:59

I picked my battles.....ds wanted GTA and I told him hell would freeze over before I allowed a game that depicted women treated like shit over the doorstep. He also wanted COD and I relented, he was already playing that at his mates house. He still ended up with a game I didn't like, but it wasn't GTA and that, to me, meant I'd won that particular battle.

WonkoTheSane42 Sun 13-Mar-16 14:01:31

GTA games are rubbish.

No, not really, but they're not for children. GTA is essentially an extremely broad, over-the-top satire of American culture. There are problems with some aspects of the games, and I think it's quite dangerous for children to be exposed to them before they develop critical faculties, but they're not without value, both artistically and from a point of view of fun.

Oh come on, Wonko, I'm as strict as anyone, but nobody waits until their 18th birthday before playing an 18 game.

Heh, I did. My parents would never have bought me one and in those days you had no choice but to go into a shop to buy games, so no way to get one without having to show ID. I appreciate it's harder to keep them away these days.

UnderTheGreenwoodTree Sun 13-Mar-16 14:05:29

I am feminist mum, my son did this too when he was 13, when I took his games from me he called me a SJW cunt.

Sorry, but I just don't believe that. Interesting first post.

Abed Sun 13-Mar-16 14:09:47

GTA isn't vile, it's just not for children.

ollieplimsoles Sun 13-Mar-16 14:20:12

Vivian are you serious?

You bought him the latest console op, I think its a bit unfair on him tbh, all his friends are playing it and all.

If its a 16 , he's only got two years to wait. I would let him play it, you talked about it if him and he can be responsible about the content, he plays in plain sight too.

I think you are been unfair and this has resulted in sneaky behaviour and dishonesty

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