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AIBU to think it's ok to have your "own" friends?

(12 Posts)
theclick Sat 12-Mar-16 11:26:25

I am probably going to get flamed but - ok.

AIBU to wonder how some women only get close to their partner's friends? Don't they miss the friendship that comes from having women in their close group? I know I love mine like my family, but when I see girls who have no life outside of their partners circle and never have things to do on their own (they only get invited to his friends weddings, his friends parties etc) it makes me wonder how they went on without having their own mates to lean on. Look, I'm a girl's girl so I guess it will be weirder to be than some, but I don't get why some girl's basically - refuse to make their own friends.

MLGs Sat 12-Mar-16 11:29:13

I don't know anyone like that but yanbu in principle. Sounds downright dangerous to cut all ties with one's own friends.

MaidOfStars Sat 12-Mar-16 11:29:52

I don't know any of my extended circle, male or female, who doesn't have their own extended circle. Obviously, there is ebb and flow, merging and moving. But we're all definitely independent of partners in many contexts.

JasperDamerel Sat 12-Mar-16 11:37:08

We have mostly the same core circle of friends, and always have done. It's how we met in the first place. I have some friends that he's not as close to, and he has done that I don't know so well, but it would be hard to divide our friends into "his friends" and "my friends".

curren Sat 12-Mar-16 12:31:18

It depends though.

I have never done this. But have extended my circle. I genuinely like dhs best friends wife. So she is now my friend. Had we have met before she got with her husband I think we would have still been friends.

However I haven't dropped any friends to be friends with her. She sometimes comes with me and my friends.

Also I have been with dh since I was 18. So a lot of our most recent friendships we have made together. I have recently got to know someone at my hobby she asked if we wanted to have dinner with them, we said yes an the friendship grew from there.

I don't know anyone who has dropped their entire friendship circle for their boyfriends friends though. So may be I am misunderstanding

DoreenLethal Sat 12-Mar-16 12:46:56

AIBU to wonder how some women only get close to their partner's friends?

I know literally nobody that does this.

Toxicity Sat 12-Mar-16 12:47:14

YANBU op and I have a ex friend that does exactly that. She got married at 20 and moved away, I didn't hear from her for 12 years......then out of the blue she got in touch and wanted to meet up. We started meeting up for drinks and meals and within a month she told me her marriage was on the rocks. I supported her best I could.

We stayed friendly all through her divorce until about a year and a half later when she met a new guy and once again she has disappeared!! I was pretty hurt this time round and felt really used.

I just don't get it, I love my female friends and I still need them regardless of whether I have a bloke or not.

Sorry, rant and hijack over!!

doughnutslikefannys Sat 12-Mar-16 13:07:09

DP and I have been together for years and he has met two of my friends in that time. It wouldn't even occur to me to invite him along to dinner with my friends or vice versa.

I love him but he's not my entire world!

twinklexx Sat 12-Mar-16 14:30:31

I moved to live in DH's town and didn't know anyone. It's taken me years to build up a social circle so originally it was just DH's friends that we socialised with.

JimmyGreavesMoustache Sat 12-Mar-16 14:33:53

i used to socialise a lot with DP's friends.
one of my schoolfriends met him at university, and she introduced us, so we had some overlap

since relocating though our friends are predominantly people we've met through work, so we now socialise separately.

GinAndSonic Sat 12-Mar-16 14:39:13

I had friends, my abusive husband manipulated situations, free time etc to alienate my friends, then eventually to isolate me from his friends too. Some women who seem only to have their partners friends as friends will probably be in very unhealthy relationships.
Then there will of course be couples who were part of the same social group before they got together, ones who moved to new areas and haven't made their own friends yet, ones who were anxious or shy when younger and never really mastered making friends, and any other number of reasons.

UnhappyNeedHelp Sat 12-Mar-16 14:46:27

OP I know two or three women like this. I think it's sad but I guess it makes them happy.

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