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Aibu to be upset about being racially abused by brother

(25 Posts)
Vixxfacee Sat 12-Mar-16 10:24:23

I am NC with my family for various reasons and everyou time I have spoken to them it is always some drama or ends with me being called names. (Every six months or so).

Last night I received a text from my 17 year old brother saying 'mum said you are a nigga and your boyfriend is a paki'. (Family are white, I am mixed race).

I am really upset about this but dp says I shouldn't be as I know what they are like and he's not upset about bring called a paki. He's not giving any sympathy at all and saying just ignore basically like I'm in the wrong and I'm 30 years old why am I upset.

PageStillNotFound404 Sat 12-Mar-16 10:26:40

YANBU. Your BF's feelings are his and if he doesn't feel upset, good for him but that doesn't mean you can't feel a different way in response to what is a pretty hurtful and offensive message.

Nanny0gg Sat 12-Mar-16 10:30:21

But you're not NC with your family if your brother can send you offensive texts.

Wouldn't you be better off blocking them all completely?

It's perfectly understandable why you're upset. No-one wants their family to treat them so badly, but yours are awful and you and your DP need to build your lives together away from them.

Vixxfacee Sat 12-Mar-16 10:32:33

That's true. I need to change my number. I can block but they have different numbers.

WorraLiberty Sat 12-Mar-16 10:33:18

YANBU to be upset

You need to block his number.

WorraLiberty Sat 12-Mar-16 10:33:41

Sorry, X post.

scarednoob Sat 12-Mar-16 10:36:30

Teenage boy with not enough to do has deliberately thought of the worst thing he can to upset you.

That's not nice, and YANBU to be upset by it. But he's just being an immature little twat. You are happy with your bf and who you are; he clearly is not. Do your best to ignore it, as he is fishing for a reaction, and will hate being ignored.

Vixxfacee Sat 12-Mar-16 10:38:36

I think I'm upset that it's a long line of things that my family have done. I've blocked and deleted everyone now.

LionsAndTigersAndBearsHaha Sat 12-Mar-16 10:43:57

You're not wrong to be upset, the fact your brother has deliberately tried to hurt you is pretty awful.

However, using the fact you're mixed race shows a pathetic lack of intelligence and imagination and I sort of feel "is that the best you can come up with, you've had weeks to come up with some massive insult and that's seriously all you could think of?", you're obviously a much better person than he is. Block him and move on.

Vixxfacee Sat 12-Mar-16 11:12:49

Thank you everyone for advice.

jlivingstone Sat 12-Mar-16 11:41:10

Tell him that comments like those are the reason she'll never see her beautiful 'naki'* grandchildren and then block his number.

Easier said than done, but try not to let the ignorant comments of a teenager upset you. I guess your husband has the right idea.

*lets face it, mixed race children tend to be the cutest!

travellinglighter Sat 12-Mar-16 11:49:09

Well if you’re NC and are always going to be NC, go to the police. Show them the message and he’ll be arrested and interviewed for racial abuse. He probably won’t get charged but I can promise he won’t do it again. Your mum might have to explain herself as well.

VoldysGoneMouldy Sat 12-Mar-16 11:57:35

Of course you're not unreasonable to be upset, that would be a horrible thing to hear from anyone, especially someone you're related to.

This might be a good time to go completely no contact - change your numbers, email addresses and the likes.

It has got to be a horrible miserable existence, sitting there and thinking "how can I upset this person the most?". You don't need that negativity coming into your life.

BlueEyesAndDarkChocolate Sat 12-Mar-16 12:28:33

That will be coming from him, not your Mum.

If your Mum had a relationship with a black man, then I doubt she is racist.

He sounds like a twat and you're best to ignore.

Maybe you should remind him, that his Mum enjoyed having sex with a black man

EastMidsMummy Sat 12-Mar-16 12:31:45

Wow. I don't think you're being unreasonable to be upset about that! Disgusting.

Vixxfacee Sat 12-Mar-16 13:20:18

My mum had some kind of relationship with a black man. But I can assure you she is very much a racist!

CarbonEmittingPenguin Sat 12-Mar-16 14:43:23

Yanbu at all. It doesn't matter how old you are, the fact is that is racial abuse and should not be tolerated. I also second the advice about changing your number and e-mail address and not telling them.

amarmai Sat 12-Mar-16 17:45:09

give racists as little head space as possible so you and your family can live your own lives as happily as poss.

alltouchedout Sat 12-Mar-16 17:56:30

I like the idea of going to the police.
I don't know if I'd actually do it.
I get your DP's reaction though. He doesn't find your brother and his pathetic nastiness important enough to waste time being upset about.

kawliga Sat 12-Mar-16 18:03:00

Don't go to the police. Don't send him a clever reply. Don't react, he wants to wind you up and a reaction of some sort is exactly what he is looking for. Listen to your DP's advice. YANBU to feel upset but he is right that you should ignore them.

Move on and live a peaceful life. Fighting with family is no way to spend your life, just leave them to it and get on with your own life. Don't go back every 6 months for more drama.

kawliga Sat 12-Mar-16 18:31:28

Also, ask yourself why you shared that text with your DP. You acted as a messenger for your brother's insult to your DP. You don't have to tell your DP that someone, your brother, has called him a Paki.

I think you are slightly unreasonable to say he doesn't mind being called a Paki. Nobody likes being insulted. It is more that he doesn't think this is worth spending a lot of time getting upset about. He wants to just live his life and not get sucked into the drama surrounding your family. He is right.

It's sad that your family of origin is this horrid, but don't bring their horridness into your own new family that you are making with your DP. Why would you do that?

ReginaBlitz Sun 13-Mar-16 01:20:58

Struggling to see how your mum is a racist when you are mixed race If that's the case cut her off and now as that is some messed up shit!

MrsTerryPratchett Sun 13-Mar-16 01:30:20

Plenty of racist people have relationships with PoC. There's some pretty messed up psychology going on with people.

OP, you are entitled to feel as you feel.

MrsBobDylan Sun 13-Mar-16 07:43:28

Am sorry but I can't see that having any contact with your family is going to bring anything to your life. I think you should properly cut contact.

flowers for you.

TheDayIBroke Tue 15-Mar-16 13:14:56

Your 'mother' and her family are horrible and not worth your time - there's no space for such negativity in your life.

Please cut them off permanently. There's no justification for anyone saying those things about you, your partner or anyone. flowers flowers

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