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WIBU unreasonable to go on holiday leaving DH holding the baby?

(72 Posts)
Nessalina Fri 11-Mar-16 18:53:17

I'm thinking of booking a week's holiday in May to Greece with my Mum (who I don't see much of as she lives 80 miles away!), leaving my DH with our 18 month old boy.
DS is in nursery on the week days and DH will probably go to his mums to visit on the weekend that I'm not there. He's entirely capable of coping with DS solo, but obviously it won't exactly be a picnic for him.
I'm feeling bad because:
A) I've already had 11 nights away from home this year (due to residential work courses) with another 3 nights booked in July for a hen do. DH has had none, though I've made it very clear he's more than welcome to do so.
B) generally non-specific mummy guilt about leaving the boy for a week.

But then work's been hard lately, I'm shattered, and I really want a break and some sun.

AIBU to go???

NB. Further info so as to not drip feed: initially I'd looked for a holiday for the three of us, and found a great looking week in Ibiza for me, DH & DS. But DH wasn't up for it because a) he's not a big fan of holidays abroad full stop, and b)he doesn't think a holiday abroad with DS will be much of a holiday. Further gentle persuasion has yielded no results - a whole family holiday is off the table.

TrappedInAWitchesCurse Fri 11-Mar-16 18:59:02

I don't think YABU but then I have no children myself and love any sort of holiday, sooo...
If your DH doesn't really like holidays abroad then he surely understands that you might want to go abroad with other people from time to time.

Junosmum Fri 11-Mar-16 19:11:35

I don't think YABU, but I could understand if your DH didn't want you to go (and could understand if it was your DH wanting to go away and you not wanting him to, not that mums should do the lions share of the parenting!).

If he didn't want you to could you, your mum and DS go?

RudeElf Fri 11-Mar-16 19:13:07

Have you asked DH how he feels?

PeppasNanna Fri 11-Mar-16 19:15:19

ENJOY!!! winegrin

Muskateersmummy Fri 11-Mar-16 19:16:53

Agree with rudeElf it depends on how dh feels about it.

FellOutOfBedTwice Fri 11-Mar-16 19:18:14

I wouldn't, but only because I would be mightily pissed off if DH did it to me. So really depends on how equal the weighting is in your house for going away.

Foxsox Fri 11-Mar-16 19:22:51

Is this a reverse?

I've been on the not so fun end of an 8 day solo parenting mission and it wasn't horrendous but equally I wasn't happy about it either

I'm wondering if it's the other way around
How would you feel if your DH suggested he do the same?

DolphinsandDinosaurs Fri 11-Mar-16 19:23:16

If your DH is happy then YANBU, but if he minds then I think it is a lot to ask, given how many times you have already been away. It totally depends on how he feels about it.

Atenco Fri 11-Mar-16 19:27:15

Surely it is not our opinion that matters here. Talk to your husband.

PestoSkiissimos Fri 11-Mar-16 19:27:41

I think it's a bit mean actually.

BombadierFritz Fri 11-Mar-16 19:28:11

Do you see much of your dh usually? I'd be v unimpressed if you were my dh but its between the two of you really so if he is genuinely fine with it, then go and enjoy.

BeardMinge Fri 11-Mar-16 19:30:14

I'd quite like to do the same. I'm know that dp could cope fine, but I would worry that DD (15 months) wouldn't understand where I'd gone.

SweetAdeline Fri 11-Mar-16 19:38:15

DH and I both go away for holidays with friends etc. We have family holidays too but sometimes we like adult time and at the moment we don't feel happy leaving the DC with anyone else for more than a couple of days. When the kids were tiny, I didn't go away as bfing but dh did, now they're older I'm catching up. The longest either of us has gone was 10days but that was when dh extended a work trip to visit friends in the area and it didn't make sense to travel the distance for fewer days. Normally we just do long weekends/five days. It works for us but, although it's not exactly 50:50, it's probably closer to that than you'll get if your dh is a homebody.

DaleTremont Fri 11-Mar-16 19:39:21

YANBU. I'd go in an instant. I had nights away from DD as soon as I went back to work when she was 8 months old, and now have a few weekends away throughout the year, mainly with girlfriends, sometimes DH.

We also went to Vegas for a wedding for a week when she was 2, left her with my DM. She can't remember.

I'm of the 'it takes a village' type of family though so DD has happily stayed with GPs and cousins since she was small.

We do have a family holiday together each year though, we took DD to Belgium was she was 18 months. It was fab, so much easier when you can still wheel them about!

BastardGoDarkly Fri 11-Mar-16 19:42:10

Is D's going with you not an option? Just think, it would be nice for your mum, for you, and for dh to have a break?

ReturnoftheWhack Fri 11-Mar-16 19:46:09

My DH would be totally fine with it, I think. We are both free to go away with friends as we choose. If your husband isn't ok with it I'd be interested to hear exactly WHY not. If it's because he can't cope I wouldn't be impressed, if he's resentful I think you might have a bigger issue. If he's fine with it then it's really more about if you want to go, surely?

Bogeyface Fri 11-Mar-16 19:53:42

If he is genuinely ok with it then go. If he isnt then you need to renegotiate the family holiday thing, as its not fair that you dont get a holiday because he doesnt want one as a family and doesnt want you to go alone.

CocktailQueen Fri 11-Mar-16 19:58:59

Why not do a UK family holiday? I think family holidays are really important, and am sure your dh would like some time away... Even if he doesn't want to go abroad.

Homemadearmy Fri 11-Mar-16 20:01:12

It's all really up to your dh. It doesn't really matter what a load of strangers think.

NotNob Fri 11-Mar-16 20:02:52

We have family holidays but also holidays alone. I'm a SAHM and DH works away during the week. We have two young DC's. I went on holiday with my mum last year, DH went abroad for some sun at a later time. Tomorrow he leaves to go ski ing with his brothers. We don't mind in the slightest, we all need a break and, as your DH has pointed out, holidays with small children aren't exactly relaxing.

OhShutUpThomas Fri 11-Mar-16 20:08:01

YABU. Childcare is a woman's job.

Who will cook for him while you're away?

OhShutUpThomas Fri 11-Mar-16 20:08:11

grin wink

Jw35 Fri 11-Mar-16 20:14:35

I would take ds with me! I couldn't leave mine that long and saves worrying about it! Yanbu if dh is fine with it though.

liberatedwine Fri 11-Mar-16 20:19:51

I'd go in a heartbeat!

I'd organise a family holiday for later in the year, though, for all 3 of us.

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