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To want to scream when people boast about their babies being great sleepers

(76 Posts)
SilkObsidian Fri 11-Mar-16 18:49:41

I am so jealous when friends say their babies sleep for stretches of 5hours or more.

My 6-month-old wakes every 2hours sometimes more often. He has 3-4 feeds overnight, sometimes I can settle him with a dummy but often he's wide awake and shouting from 3am-5am.

I get it that people are proud of their babies sleep but couldn't they be more sensitive?! They know I don't get more than 2hours unbroken sleep at a time. Why do they have to be so smug?

MartinaJ Fri 11-Mar-16 18:53:49

When my DD was 6 months, I was so tired, I wasn't able to scream. The sleep deprivation made it impossible. She was really hungry and would wake me up every two to three hours. I was actually worried when she slept through the whole night when she was 1.5 years old. It's OK. Just ignore it. There will be time when you will be able to sleep again.

Writerwannabe83 Fri 11-Mar-16 18:57:59

My friend was talking to me about her breast fed 6 month old baby and how she is asleep by 7pm every night and sleeps through until 4am where she wakes for a quick feed and then goes back to sleep until 7.30am.

I'm jealous because when my BF baby was that young he was an absolute nightmare sleeper!!

But, she had a really, really bad time with her first baby when it came to sleep so she deserves a good sleeper this time smile

wheresthel1ght Fri 11-Mar-16 18:58:04

YADNBU I can count on one hand the number of nights my 2.5 yo dd has slept through. She has acute eczema and her skin itches constantly so I know it isn't because she is being a pia although sometimes I think it is but more because she is in so much pain/irritation.

The people who really annoy me though are the ones who speak to you like you are an utter moron and following a rigid routine exactly as they have bollocks has never entered your head

whatwoulddexterdo Fri 11-Mar-16 18:59:49

If it's any consolation your time will come. No one can have a perfect baby, perfect toddler or perfect teen.
I thought I had it sussed with a baby who slept like a dream, a toddler who didn't tantrum but now let's just say the teen years are more than making up for any previous good luck...........!

FellOutOfBedTwice Fri 11-Mar-16 19:01:45

My 20 month old needs about three hours sleep in any 24 hour period, OP so I'm with you. I always think it's bullshit when people tell you about their amazing sleepers anyway and even if it isn't my kid is hilarious so ner or potentially just seems hilarious because I'm in a constant state of hysteria from two years without sleep

CigarsofthePharoahs Fri 11-Mar-16 19:02:37

I'm going to scream at myself.
My first child was a really great sleeper, still is thank goodness. I should add it wasn't down to anything I did at all.
I didn't boast about it, but I was honest if people asked and I knew some people did hate me a bit.
I have no 2 now and his attitude to sleep is that he thinks his cot is some sort of gateway to hell, sleeping for more than 2-3 hours without being cuddled is for idiots and that what I and my husband really want is for a nearly 2 year old to be laid horizontally next to the pillows taking up 90% of the width of the bed.
I suspect when I had my first baby I was unintentionally smug. Now I find myself jumping at things in my peripheral vision that aren't there.
There's a good reason why sleep deprivation is considered a form of torture. I'm thinking of reporting my toddler to The Hague.

coffeeisnectar Fri 11-Mar-16 19:05:33

My oldest slept through at 6 weeks.

My youngest slept through at 4. years. fucking nightmare.

FWIW I am a great sleeper. I can sleep 12 hours :0

TimeToMuskUp Fri 11-Mar-16 19:05:37

It took DS2 4 years to remember to sleep like a human consistently. I survived through sheer grit and stubbornness. Even now it makes me want to puke when folk bang on about great sleepers; some DCs really just don't sleep well. It's not "winning" or being better at parenting, just total pot luck.

Mind, DS1 was a great sleeper and I probably pissed of every tired-new-Mum in a fifty mile radius boasting about his sleep habits. So God punished me with the bellend that is DS2, who often declares at 1am "I'm finished sleeping, Mummy, lets go and walk the dog shall we?".

scrumptiouscrumpets Fri 11-Mar-16 19:06:29

I don't mind those who realise they are lucky, I can't stand the ones who think it's because they're such fantastic parents that their little ones sleep through the night. Oh, so I need a bedtime routine? Really? Hadn't thought of that before angry
Grit you're teeth, it'll get better!! Mine was a rubbish sleeper at that age but improved a lot around ten months.

shebird Fri 11-Mar-16 19:09:04

I want to scream at someone I know that regularly posts on FB how lucky they are to have an 'easy baby' that has slept through from an early age. Especially when I know for a fact that it's total bull.

CigarsofthePharoahs Fri 11-Mar-16 19:12:13

scrump - I know someone like that. Constantly asks me about ds2's sleeping habits (or lack of) and then tells me the same thing over and over. Namely that they did CIO from four months old and why haven't I done the same?
Er, because I'm not cruel and heartless and it wouldn't work on the stubborn little whatsit anyway. I told him last week I was now co-sleeping and he looked like his head was going to explode.

KatsutheClockworkOctopus Fri 11-Mar-16 19:13:18

I feel your pain OP. DS barely slept until about a year ago (now 3.7) and there were times when I genuinely thought I was going under.
One thing is that people who boast about their child being good at whatever are not always being entirely truthful. I have an acquaintance who swears blind her DD slept well/was never ill/potty trained instantly. None of it is true but it was her way of coping with the fact she was struggling.

yorkshapudding Fri 11-Mar-16 19:16:41

YANBU. DD was a fantastic sleeper as a baby (slept from 7pm- 7am every night from 6 weeks old) but I NEVER mentioned it unless someone asked me specifically and even then I would downplay it. This was for three reasons...
1.) I knew that her being a fantastic sleeper was down to pure luck, so nothing to brag about on my part
2.) I knew my luck could change at any time
3.) If your friends/relatives are going through hell with a non-sleeping baby why the fuck would you want to rub their noses in it about how well rested you are?? That's just spiteful.

Now DD is two and she wakes in the night at least once (usually 2-3 times) every night while her little friends who never slept as babies are all in sleeping through like angels. So, don't worry OP, some of your braggy friends with they 'amazing sleepers' may soon be eating their words!

CleopatrasDaughter Fri 11-Mar-16 19:17:03

Luck of the draw. Try not to talk about baby sleep with other people - it only makes you feel like shit if your baby is a poor sleeper. Choose another friend with a bad sleeper and have the odd mutual moan grin.

DS didn't sleep for through until he was 2.5 years old, by the way. It was absolute fucking hell. So i feel your pain.

Then had DD (four years later...note it took me until well after DS started sleeping through to even think about conceiving another child)...she slept 12 hours stretches from 6 weeks. It was a complete fluke. No idea why. I kept schtum around friends with normal sleepers wink.

BrianCoxReborn Fri 11-Mar-16 19:19:46

My boy is 3 and he's still waking once to twice a night for a drink.

My DD was the same.

She stopped when she started school.

I could be a crap parent, but then maybe I just have children who wake in the night - same way I do.

All this self-settling bollocks spouted by the HV and cohorts gets right on my tits. Some children don't like self settling and can't be trained to do so.

I'm currently a little bit <sniggering> at a friend's Facebook posts.

Her baby is 6 months old. He slept through from 3 weeks and she brandished it with gay abandon, how perfect he is and how much sleep she's getting.

Bearing in mind it's her 3rd child and her best friend had her 1st baby just a week before her. Her statuses always tagged her friend, so:

Status update:
"Kevin asleep by 6.30 and slept through til 6am. What a good boy. How's Nigel doing? - with Bette Davis"

Bette would reply with "you're such a good mum, Nigel didn't go down til 10 and woke every other hour sad "

I'd read like this shock

It took every ounce of restraint not to comment "your baby sleeps because it's how he's wired, it is no reflection on your parenting ability"

6 months on, little Kevin ain't sleeping no more. No gushing status updates, tagging her BFF, just the occasional 3am comment and nod to complete sleep deprivation.

Oysterbabe Fri 11-Mar-16 19:20:42

My 10 week old only sleeps for 2 hours at a time. I have loads of friends whose babies are excellent sleepers. My baby is quite a lot cuter than all of them so swings and roundabouts grin

MistressDeeCee Fri 11-Mar-16 19:20:56

YANBU. Both DDs were mostly good sleepers. I put that down to luck, and that maybe they just had mellow temperaments. I didn't feel the need to brag about that to mates who were knackered because their babies didn't sleep right thru. I was just grateful x 100. The smugness around baby sleeping & baby milestones just makes me roll my eyes its really saying "Im a better parent than you". Whats the point/need for it anyway

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost Fri 11-Mar-16 19:21:58

Thing is though, Op. It's all very easy for your friends to make out that their little darlings, sleep from 8pm-8am, but you only live with your own child, and the end of the day. You don't know your friends baby. You're not there at 3am when they're scream.
How is this for a bad sleeper. I used to sleep for 2 hour a day, but I wouldn't do a full to hours inclusively. I'd do say, 10 mins her, 20 mins ect ect. My poor mum.
I'm a lazy cow, now mind.

MistressDeeCee Fri 11-Mar-16 19:23:01

Oh & I was paid back in spades when DD1 reached toddler age and became The Tantrum Monster From Hell. You don't get it easy all the time when you're a mum, life isn't like that but how I wish it was

CremeEggThief Fri 11-Mar-16 19:24:55

My DS wouldn't sleep before 2 am at the very earliest until he was 3 months old. By the time he was 1, he was going 12 or 13 hours at night with 2 or 3 hours nap in the day, which he was kind enough to keep going until he was 3.5.

My sister's DD slept very well as a baby, from before 6 weeks, but after turning 1 and starting to teeth, has become very unsettled at night. Refuses to settle, wakes through the night, has night terrors, wakes early, all sortssad.

I know which one I prefer. Hang in there, OP.brewchocolate

NotNob Fri 11-Mar-16 19:32:49

Boasters in any form are my pet hate, but they get to you more when it's about kid's sleep.

I feel for you OP, neither of mine were sleepers and I felt inadequate when talking to others whose babies slept. I have one particular boasty acquaintance who, after discussing my near-death emergency c-section, proceeded to inform of her birth experience which was "so chilled". hmm Fuck off! Needless to say, her baby was a sleeper. Or so I thought, until someone else overheard her confiding her woes of a non sleeping baby. Moral - some people are full of shit and just want to make themselves feel better by lying. Weird.

CheshireChat Fri 11-Mar-16 19:33:14

I think there's a difference between answering honestly and boasting. My DS slept relatively well through the night, but as a newborn and after was a terror. He'd only sleep on someone, generally for only 20 minutes and then he'd want to BF for at least 45 minutes. Oh and he used to cry whenever he was passed to me because he wanted to feed, that was fun.
He's a lot better as a toddler!

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost Fri 11-Mar-16 19:36:16

I think that's my point proven, Creme..
The only thing more annoying that a bragger, is a cunting lying bragger

53rdAndBird Fri 11-Mar-16 19:43:36

shock BrianCoxReborn. How did little Nigel's mum not throttle her? I bloody would have done.

(hey, we could do a Strangers On A Train thing! I'll throttle her boaster, and she can take care of the "little Angelina slept for ten hours through last night at only four weeks, what a star!" parents on my FB friends page...)

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