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To wish someone cared?

(107 Posts)

MNHQ have commented on this thread.

elementofsurprise Fri 11-Mar-16 12:29:03

I'm the only one who stands up for me or thinks i'm worth anything. I tried to reach out to a friend for support on FB - someone who has previously been shocked a stuff I've been through and been positive about me - and they blanked me. I don't understand this. The evidence suggests no-one can care about me, and if they do it's a mistake. I have been through stuff I can't deal with. I feel dirty and used and frightened. But I am always treated like I am bad and wrong and overreacting if I need support - I am treated differently from others. I have posted here before about my appalling expereinces within the MH system and how I can't get any help or support (have tried private too, but therapist "dumped" me, saying I was too fucked up basiclly, and needed more support - I cannot afford what I apprently need privately).

I try so hard to keep going every day but it's only me on my side and I just wish there was someone there who would give me a hug and not think I'm a bad person or expect things of me and be disappointed with me. It would help bear the pain so much. Is it wrong to wish someone cared? Am I bad? I don't need anyone to do anything, just care, maybe listen sometimes. But people just want to give me self-help tips - I have these coming out my ears. I'd just like someone to not have a vague or overt disaproval of me, or blaming me. Someone who just says "gosh, that must be hard, you poor thing". Someone rooting for me, and who doesn't act like I've done something wrong if I'm hurting. Am I bad for this? Is it wrong?

elementofsurprise Fri 11-Mar-16 12:47:48

Sorry, should clarify a bit. The mental health bods have always acted like I shoud just be fine on my own ad any need for any kind of spport is wrong. But I'm sure it' normal for humans to need support. I get so confused, because for some people it's seen as ok that they require or benefit from support, whereas the impression I get is that I'm supposed to be fine on my own and in fact please others not need support myself. But I'm really struggling with my past and it would help so much not to feel blamed or dirty or bad for that.

WheresLarry Fri 11-Mar-16 12:50:34

Of course it's not bad. Im sorry you feel like you have nobody, we all need a supportive network, if you don't have that I can understand it would be a struggle.

I didn't want to read and run. There is a lot of support on the site, perhaps if you share someone with more experience will be able to offer advice.

CamboricumMinor Fri 11-Mar-16 12:51:49

I could have written your post. It's shit isn't it? flowers

BlueEyesAndDarkChocolate Fri 11-Mar-16 13:18:45

Do you have friends? Do you bring something positive to their lives? The thing is, sometimes people who have been through bad stuff, can allow it to completely dominate their lives and friendships. I had a friend for 8 years, who in the end I had to step away from. She had been through a lot, granted, but our whole friendship was about her, her past, her needs, her wants, her current situation. She didn't bring anything positive to my life. In fact, she drained the life out of me. (Think turning up at all hours, blind drunk/drink driving/sleeping around/being awful to her DD). I am sure you aren't like that at all, but what I would say is try to bring happiness and positivity into peoples lives and you may be surprised at the rewards you will reap. Why don't you volunteer? Soup Kitchens/charity shops. Stop thinking about your past. Try to help in your Community and focus on others for a while. flowers

char1988 Fri 11-Mar-16 13:22:38

Hi I hope uve managed to find some kind of support I'm also under mental health and know how it feels to get nothing back in return if you ever wanna chat feel free x

drivingmisspotty Fri 11-Mar-16 13:26:47

I am so sorry you feel all alone flowers

I think many, many people are just dreadful at dealing with MH problems. Your friends who have given you self help tips, they probably do think that they are being helpful and supportive and perhaps they are a little bit unsure of what to say/do for the best. Have you told them you would just like a friendly ear/hug? They might actually appreciate that, they might feel let off from trying to find a solution.

I am sure you are not bad. You sound human to me. Yes, every human needs support we are social creatures. And unfortunately all humans are a bit rubbish sometimes at giving that support to others.

More flowers and some cake too

RockUnit Fri 11-Mar-16 14:21:37

Could you try contacting a handful of different private therapists, to see if they could help? They're all different so it's unlikely your previous experience would be repeated. In fact you could even say what's happened before and you'd like to avoid the same thing happening again.

CamboricumMinor Fri 11-Mar-16 16:47:08

BlueEyes that's what I'm like sad Your post was a real eye opener.

elementofsurprise Fri 11-Mar-16 17:21:59

BlueEyes I'm not like that. I've always tried to be a good friend and there for people too, and actually been taken advantage of because of it/treated in a way I'd never treat others.

I try not to think about my past, butI find my mind foggy and confused and find myself weeping. I don't choose to remember the past, the memories are intrusive. Dragging myself out of bed takes a huge effort. Telling me to pop off and volunteer isn't very helpful tbh, in fact it's exactly the sort of thing I meant when I mentioned people seeming disappointed with me - like I'm just not doing enough, not living up to expectations. I just wish someone cared and thought I was good enough and knew how hard I was trying. It's all I can do to keep living tbh. I wish someone understood.

elementofsurprise Fri 11-Mar-16 17:26:03

So it's not actually wrong to want someone to care? I literally have no-one really, I pretend I'm fine to please people, so they still want to know me.

LifeofI Fri 11-Mar-16 17:37:20

Op i use to feel like you about people in my family mostly and then i grew to stop caring, now they all try to harrass me to get to know me but its been so long and ive been by myself so long i dont care to get to know them anymore.
This is just an eye opener for you op and it will make you a stronger person although you may feel weak now.

BeckerLleytonNever Fri 11-Mar-16 18:14:42

OP, I could have written this thread too.

and people are VERY quick to judge and tut and criticise, yet no one EVER offers help or care,.do they?

I get this every fucking day.

I feel for you.

where are you? if you live near me Ill be around. pm me if you want. Ill reply when I can, I have limited internet accesss. flowers.

BeckerLleytonNever Fri 11-Mar-16 18:15:45

If there are (generic number here) 50 billion people in the world, on this planet, is it too much to ask just ONE of those people to care?

CamboricumMinor Fri 11-Mar-16 21:12:26

Becker yes, it's too much to expect people to care. People only care about themselves.

RockUnit Fri 11-Mar-16 21:16:08

Some people only care about themselves. Some do care about others.

CamboricumMinor Sat 12-Mar-16 09:51:57

I guess I think that people do only care about themselves because I'm a pretty horrible person who isn't the sort of person that people do care about.

Skittlesss Sat 12-Mar-16 10:07:43

Hi hun, I'm sorry your friend isn't there for you. You can always get support on here and you really aren't alone, many people feel the same way smile

Wineandcheases Sat 12-Mar-16 10:13:52

I'm sorry to hear that - could it be the friend has issues and can't cope themselves xx

Oldraver Sat 12-Mar-16 11:17:14

Maybe your friend is in no position to offer you the amount of support you need from her. It sounds like she was open to you in the past but things have changed

IMO people with MH issues are more needy than they think and can be very draining. Sometimes you have to back off to protect yourself

elementofsurprise Sat 12-Mar-16 17:20:43

I don't understand blanking someone who's just asked for a chat though. I'd never do that to someone, not even now when I'm really struggling.

RockUnit Sat 12-Mar-16 18:02:35

You were blanked by one person. I'm sure we have all been blanked at some time or other. It doesn't mean you can't have friends.

Organon8 Sat 12-Mar-16 20:36:48

Things have probably got too much for your friend. People have their own difficulties

elementofsurprise Sat 12-Mar-16 22:30:29

I would NEVER blank someone who was struggling, no matter what difficulties I had. It just seems so cruel. And it's not one person out of hundreds or something - it's a very rare person I thought I could trust. It's not like I needed intensive support off him, just someone to talk to who thought I was worth something and who actually understood. Most people can't even get their head round the idea that MH services won't help/have seriously hurt me, he at least understood that (has relative working in the field!). We have known each other years and I trusted him so this is very upsetting.

elementofsurprise Sat 12-Mar-16 22:36:26

Anyway, I started the thread to get opinions on whether it was ok or not to wish someone cared. Whether the desire to have a hug and someone be kind was wrong. That's it really.

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