to ask DH if he's been unfaithful?

[JustCleo]

I name changed and posted in relationships last night because I'm experiencing symptoms which could indicate an std. Apologies for TMI but I have lots of stretchy greeny yellow discharge, tummy pain, lower back pain, nausea and a fever on and off. I also need to wee lots and urgently and feel a bit burny down below. I saw the doctor this morning and he said it sounds likely to be chlamydia and that I need to make an appointment at the GUM clinic.

DH has form for being dishonest when caught out so I don't trust him 100%. When I was pregnant I accidentally saw he'd been watching porn. He'd always said he didn't like porn, never watched it etc. I checked his history and he was watching it and masterbating daily which had been negatively impacting our sex life but he'd still lied and continued to do so until I told him I'd checked his history.

I want to ask him outright if he's been unfaithful and if this could be chlamydia but I appreciate that completely demonstrates I don't trust him and could seriously damage the relationship if it turns out not to be. But I don't think I can wait for the appointment and remain in pain and seething without just saying something. Would I be unreasonable to ask him?

[Gobbolino6]

I'd wait until you have the results. Then he can't deny.

[JustCleo]

Part of me agrees Gobbolino but part of me thinks if I asks then he denies even though it's risking my health and it turns out to be positive, well then there's just no going back is there?

[ridemesideways]

I'd try to wait before outright accusing him of anything. I'd also get tested for everything, as if you could have chlamydia you could have anything.

But - lying about watching porn doesn't necessarily mean he'd cheat. Likewise, asking him about it doesn't necessarily mean he wouldn't like about it anyway.

Why not tell him your symptoms, that you've got an appointment but the GP thinks it might be chlamydia? See his initial reaction?

[ridemesideways]

*lie

[Tangfastics]

Chlamydia is usually symptomless. I'd wait for the results though as apart from the discharge, it sounds like a UTI?

[coconutpie]

Why would you accuse him when you don't even know if you have an STI? Wait until you get the results.

[Sallyingforth]

Wait until you've had the full STI tests.
You can then decide whether /what to ask him.

[Cutecat78]

That does not sound like Chlamydia is sounds like Gonhorrea (sp?)

[acasualobserver]

If asked, say you have an appointment at the GUM clinic on the advice of your GP. If he wants to react to that he can. You can challenge him directly (or not at all) once you have your results.

[IlikePercyPig]

Wait until you get the results, that question can never be unasked.

[Whatthefreakinwhatnow]

it could be trichomoniasis or BV too, so I wouldn't be too hasty in accusing him if I were you.

Get yourself down to the GUM clinic and get tested for the full panel if stds, and swabs for the above.

[JustCleo]

It's not accusing just to ask if there's anything he needs to tell me before I go to the clinic. It's usually symptomless but if you do get symptoms they're 1-3 weeks after sex, which this is. It was the first time we'd been intimate in months.

[GlitteryFluff]

I'd get tested for everything. Then you're armed with the facts. If he has given you std's then it doesn't really matter what he answers. He's cheated on you, at least once, unprotected, and then happily infected you. I wouldn't give a shit if he was honest with me then or not. Fact is fact.

[JustCleo]

Trichomoniasis is possible based on the symptoms and also an std.

[AuntieStella]

What are the chances of him actually telling the truth if you ask him like that?

I'd get the results (and yes, you should have the full screening) and then deal with what is actually happening.

[BigGaggingBird]

You having an STD which is proof of him cheating is one issue. For this I would wait for results, rather than diagnosing yourself based on symptoms alone.

You not having an STD, and simply suspecting him of cheating or being generally unhappy with the relationship is another issue. This is something you will have to talk to him about, but I would advise you to get the results out of the way before doing so.

[AgathaF]

Wait until you have your results. If you won't believe his answers then there's no point asking the question until you know what your results are.

When is your appointment? Do they do a drop-in session that you could turn up at before your appointment?

[PestilentialCat]

If is is Chlamydia it is entirely possible you caught it years ago & it has become active - that isn't helpful, I know

[JustCleo]

I have to wait until next Friday when he's off so I don't have to take our two preschool aged dc.

[JustCleo]

Chlamydia usually shows symptoms immediately if it's going to show and I was screened during pregnancy last year so I know I was fine then.

[ImperialBlether]

To be honest, if I thought he'd been unfaithful, I'd tell him that the doctor says it looks like HIV and I'd give him a while to be really bloody scared.

[lorelei9]

Get the results first. Imagine if you accuse him and it turns out you have an infection that isn't an STD!

[ridemesideways]

It's not accusing just to ask if there's anything he needs to tell me before I go to the clinic

It would certainly sound accusing, or at least insinuating. What else could you be getting at?! But only YOU know in your heart how you feel about him.

[Cutecat78]

Chlamydia does not show symptoms immediately that's why there is a heavily promoted screening programme.

It causes PID and infertility untreated as people normally have no idea they have it.