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To ask how soon you felt ready to TTC again after an early miscarriage?

(50 Posts)
Writerwannabe83 Fri 11-Mar-16 08:15:05

Morning everyone, apologies if this causes any offence but AIBU to ask you how soon after an early miscarriage did you feel ready to TTC again?

I had my Mirena out at the end of January for TTC purposes and I was lucky enough to get my BFP on our first cycle of trying. Two weeks after my initial BFP (well, 10 BFPs over the course of about 4 days because I couldn't stop testing) I tested with a CB Digital and it unexpectedly said not pregnant so, upset and shocked, I went out to buy a FRER which also said not pregnant sad

I saw my GP the next day who confirmed the pregnancy had self terminated and she would expect me to miscarry within the next week. As it was I started miscarrying the following day - which was the Saturday just gone sad

I know it was early days, 5/6 weeks maybe, but I was still very upset as it had taken me about 8 months to get DH onboard about TTC and it was a very much wanted pregnancy. Anyway, the actual miscarriage lasted about 3-4 days and the bleeding has now stopped.

Last night I was talking to my DH and we were chatting about sex and I made a comment about how we'll have to be more careful now seeing as we aren't covered by any contraception to which he was quite surprised as he was under the assumption we were just going to start TTC again.

I told him that for some reason I didn't feel like I could as I couldn't cope with another miscarriage straight away (not that I know the likelihood of it happening again) and he said, "Well if it happens again on our next try then we'll stick to just having one child." (we have a DS who is almost two).

I told him that I didn't want to put an end to the journey of TTC2 and that even if I did have another miscarriage I would still want to carry on trying for DC2 but that I don't feel like I am ready to potentially face a second miscarriage straight away.

He was great about it, I suppose he just didn't really understand how much the whole thing had upset me.

When I had learnt about the end of the pregnancy he was abroad and he didn't get home until the day after the miscarriage had started so it was a very upsetting and horrible few days alone for me. I'd had to tell him what had happened over the phone and it was awful sad I think if he'd have been with me over those three days (the finding out it had ended and the onset of the miscarriage) and seen how much it had affected me then he'd understand more why I am apprehensive.

I suppose it's normal to feel anxious about it happening again though isn't it? But part of me thinks that if I put off trying again then I will just get more and more nervous about it and never make the leap.

RaskolnikovsGarret Fri 11-Mar-16 08:54:22

We only left it a month and then I got pregnant straightaway. Sorry for your loss. flowers It helped me trying immediately but you must do what's right for you.

PutDownThatLaptop Fri 11-Mar-16 09:01:06

I also miscarried an early pregnancy immediately after having the Mirena coil out. I wondered after if the lining was not thick enough. I was devastated. However, I conceived again the following month and all was well. I am sorry for your loss and wish you well in TTC. flowers

NeedACleverNN Fri 11-Mar-16 09:01:20

I got pregnant within 3 months of my first miscarriage.
Was 3 months though as that was how long it took to fall pregnant.
We started as trying again as soon as the bleeding stopped

I was about 6 weeks

Whistle73 Fri 11-Mar-16 09:01:48

I didn't even wait one cycle, I was desperate to go again.

Junosmum Fri 11-Mar-16 09:04:59

5 years, I just couldn't stand it happening again but my desire for a child wasn't very strong.

HumTiddlyTum Fri 11-Mar-16 09:06:06

When I miscarried the only thing that I thought could make me feel better was being pregnant again, so we tried straight away. I don't think I've ever fully allowed myself to grieve over my lost babies or come to terms with what happened. Which, in turn, has had a negative impact on how I'm coping with my current pregnancy.

Give yourself the time you need. I'm very sorry you're going through this.

TheCrumpettyTree Fri 11-Mar-16 09:08:05

Sorry for your loss OP. I got pregnant again two months later and now he's 18 months old.

KaraokeQueenOfTheNorth Fri 11-Mar-16 09:09:00

I lost a baby at 9/10 weeks. For me, it was important to wait until after my baby's due date before trying again. I wanted it to be a seperate pregnancy, a definite person, and not try again straight away and hAve one pregnancy run into another. So we waited 6/7 months until the EDD and marked that, then started trying (and fell pregnant straight away)

leedy Fri 11-Mar-16 09:09:47

I miscarried at 12 weeks and tried again two months later, got pregnant with DS2 straight away. It did mean I felt a bit like I'd been pregnant forever as I was essentially pregnant (minus a couple of months) for over a year. And yes, feeling anxious is very very normal - I remember thinking it kind of takes the "innocence" from TTC/early pregnancy when you know that it can go wrong.

There was/is a very supportive Mumsnet thread about TTC after miscarriage, I found it amazingly helpful.

Runningupthathill82 Fri 11-Mar-16 09:10:35

Another early miscarriage after Mirena here. Tried again straight away, got pregnant the following month. She's now vocally demanding more milk...

lalaloopyhead Fri 11-Mar-16 09:18:13

I think pretty much straight away once I felt physically recovered, it took 3 months iirc and she is now 8 smile

MrsPatrickDempsey Fri 11-Mar-16 09:18:58

A pattern emerging: I got pregnant first month after mirena removed and miscarried at 11 weeks. Fell pregnant the next cycle. It was right for me. I am sorry for your loss.

Writerwannabe83 Fri 11-Mar-16 09:24:04

Interesting to hear about the Mirena miscarriages.

I conceived DS1 immediately after my Mirena removal but whilst that Mirena was in place I still had regular cycles, monthly periods etc.

This time round, although the first 6 months after insertion consisted of bleeding all the time, for the 3-4 month period before I had it removed I didn't have a period.

I did wonder whether the lack of blood in the womb, endometrium later etc, contributed to the miscarriage.

That's why I'm a bit anxious to try again I think, maybe I should leave it a while to allow the endometrium layer to build up again properly. I don't know.

twobambinos Fri 11-Mar-16 09:26:13

Sorry for your loss.
I had a very early miss too. And I think it was the lining wasn't thick enough because my periods were so light. It had taken 4 months to get pregnant and It took us another 4 months after to get pregnant again. I went for a few acupuncture sessions wanted to help it along as much as I could. I really wanted the baby as soon as I could.

FourForYouGlenCoco Fri 11-Mar-16 09:27:45

First MMC, found at 13w - ended up splitting up with then DP (now DH) and stopped ttc completely. Got back together, tried again 2 years after MC and conceived DD first try.
Second MMC, found at 11w - began to MC naturally and haemorrhaged, emergency ERPC last August. Tried again straight away, had a chem pg/v v early MC in October (4/5weeks), fell pregnant 2 weeks later. Am now 20 weeks.
I found it really, really hard (mentally) during those 3 months it took to fall again after the last MMC, was completely obsessed with ttc. Wasn't in the greatest shape physically either as lost a lot of blood. I should have given my mind and body a break for a little while, but ttc again was how I coped with the loss/es. You have to do what's best for you. I know the fear of it happening again, but the odds are in your favour. And tbh, even if it does happen again, you pick yourself up and carry on, because you have no other choice.
Sorry for what you've gone through flowers it sounds like you've had a shitty, traumatic time. You'll make the right decision for you. It's so individual.

Pinkheart5915 Fri 11-Mar-16 09:28:05

I have a still birth and it took me 4 years to feel ready to try again. I now have a happy healthy ds.

It is normal to be anxious about it happening again.

Very sorry for your lose

Hoppinggreen Fri 11-Mar-16 09:29:03

Sorry for your loss.
I got pg again totally by accident 1 week after my mc at 12 weeks but didn't realise until 8 weeks later when my periods didn't return.
I found it pretty devastating and felt I couldn't/hadn't mourned properly but my GP helped put it in perspective when she told me that a lot of people put themselves under pressure to conceive again and it becomes a huge "thing" whereas with my situation I didn't even have to think about it.
It was quite scarey and I'm not sure if it contributed to my subsequent pnd when I had my daughter but it's all good now and I have an 11 year old and 7 year old.

MrsRedFly Fri 11-Mar-16 09:31:39

Sorry to hear about your lose.

I was advised to wait 2 months before TTC but waited 3 - when we both felt ready.

I don't think there's a right or wrong answer - just what feels right to you both.

Notonthestairs Fri 11-Mar-16 10:05:13

So sorry for your loss.
A bit different but I had a miscarriage after IVF. I was beside myself (and pumped full of drugs which didnt help) but immediately planned another cycle. We had to wait two months to start it all over again. Second time around it worked and DS was born nine months later (lost the second embryo at 14 weeks, I do still think of that embryo occasionally). DS is now 8.
I needed to know that I had a second cycle booked to maintain any kind of perspective - but everyone else (including DH) thought I was mad to go again so soon. Its a very personal decision and as MrsRed says there is no right or wrong answer. Good luck.

superherostrawberry Fri 11-Mar-16 10:13:40

I conceived 13/14 days after miscarriage at 7 weeks along. It was really good for me, but you just have to see how you feel

chelle792 Fri 11-Mar-16 10:18:13

I had a mmc at 11.5weeks. This was in Aug. We still aren't ready ttc yet.

We are going to wait until after my "due date" which is in ten days time. We probably won't start trying until the summer.

We need to grieve our baby before we ttc again.

HelloSunshine11 Fri 11-Mar-16 10:23:54

Really sorry for your loss, it's awful however early it is.

I had a MMC in January at 11 weeks. I absolutely really was NOT ready until this last week when seeds are starting to creep back into my mind about TTC again, though I suspect this is because I'm due to ovulate this week and hormones are playing with my mind. That said, I'm still on the fence about having a second DC at all (for other reasons, not for fear of another MC). In reality we'll probably wait at least one more cycle if we do go ahead.

Wishing you lots of luck whatever you decide.

Pacothepidgeon Fri 11-Mar-16 10:30:58

Sorry for your loss flowers
I recently miscarried at 11 weeks. We are planning to ttc again as soon as my body is ready. Bit of mixed emotions focussing on ttc is making me be positive and helping me to move on. I also joined the ttc after miscarriage board which has been a god send through a dark time.
But in the back of my mind I'm very nervous about getting pregnant and it happening again. I agree the innocence and excitement of trying to conceive and early pregnancy is long gone.
I don't think there is a right or wrong time for trying again. Everyone is different you just have to do what's right for you.

SignoraStronza Fri 11-Mar-16 10:32:57

Sorry for your loss. I had an early mc at seven weeks and didn't really wait at all afterwards. I knew when I was next ovulating so we just went for it and was pg straight away. I was pretty anxious for the first 12-20 weeks of that pregnancy though.

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