To ask how to get rid of this person???

(27 Posts)
FlyingRussianUnicorn Thu 10-Mar-16 23:25:46

I met someone online 4 months ago. He seemed like a nice guy.

2 months ago when I lost my job things began to hit the fan. I'm very personal anyway and never told him exactly where I worked just what I did and the organisation. Que him ringing up all places in the area in the organisation to "get my boss to talk to me". He said he must of called 25 different places.

He texts and calls constantly. If I say I need some private time- he texts me every five minutes asking if i'm OK and what i'm doing. He will call me 10 times a day.

I told him last week I just wanted to be friends, nothing more. He then started contacting my friends, family and co workers to try and find out where I was and how I was.

I told him I would call the police and he continued to do it. He sent a message containing private information to my parents last night that has caused upset.

I contacted the police this evening for some advice but they just didn't seem interested.

AIBU to feel like i'm being stalked?

Champagneformyrealfriends Thu 10-Mar-16 23:32:32

No it sounds like he's stalking you. Ring your local police station and insist on it being dealt with.

SerenityReynolds Thu 10-Mar-16 23:37:32

Keep copies of the messages you have sent to him asking him to cease contact with you and your friends/family, and copies or a record of any contact he continues to make. If it continues, you then have good evidence to show the police.

SpuriouserAndSpuriouser Thu 10-Mar-16 23:41:00

He sounds like he is stalking you, yes.

If I were in that situation I would probably tell him once, clearly, that I wanted him to stop harassing me, and that I didn't want to hear from him again and I would not be responding to any future messages/calls. And then I would ignore him, cease all contact and get my family to do the same.

He sounds like a nightmare!

tangerino Thu 10-Mar-16 23:42:07

My sister had to deal with this recently- it's grim and I'm sorry you're having to deal with it. She ended up doing the following:

- send him a short and formal message asking him not to contact you or anyone else in relation to you then block his email and number from all devices
- full statement to the police (they are unlikely to act on what you've said so far but it's worth doing)
- if necessary, explain the situation to your boss and make sure hiscalls are not put through to anyone
- if nec, inform security at work.
- Keep copies of everything.

Most important is blocking him so you are not tempted to answer. If you answer even 1/50 times that's motivation to keep calling.

tangerino Thu 10-Mar-16 23:42:39

Oh, and ask family to block him too.

FlyingRussianUnicorn Thu 10-Mar-16 23:46:01

The thing is if I block or change my number he will contact other people and tell them private things I don't want them to know. Telling him to stop does nothing.

I don't know how he found my parents on FB. I'm not friends with him and i'm not friends with my parents on there. Both their profiles are private as is mine and they have a different surname to me. The only connection he could of found is that theres a picture of my nephew as my Mums profile picture- but it doesn't explain how he came across her in the first place confused

I've just started a new job and don't want to go in with this. He lives a good while away (50 minute drive) but wouldn't put it past him finding where my new job is and turning up.

It's fucking creepy.

Champagneformyrealfriends Thu 10-Mar-16 23:49:17

I hate to say it op but I'd probably tell the police he'd threatened me and I was fearing for my safety as this point. True or not.

ClarenceTheLion Thu 10-Mar-16 23:53:02

Stop engaging with him, no more contact at all. And of course, if he's sending your private information to your parents, friendship is off the table anyway!

Ask the police again if they will speak to him. Is he British?

Quillered Thu 10-Mar-16 23:55:36

I've come across someone like this. Was in a relationship with a woman who ended it, and he then obsessively contacted people about her with embarrassing personal information, made threats, tried to get her into trouble at work, tried to get her boyfriend into trouble. It went on and on and on. He appeared to be totally deluded. She responded to him initially, hoping that pleading with him would work, but that just seemed to make it worse. In the end there was involvement by solicitors and the police. I would write to him with a very clear "leave me alone", and then ignore - responding to him in any way is likely to encourage him. And keep evidence of what he does, as the police may help eventually.

FlyingRussianUnicorn Thu 10-Mar-16 23:57:55

Will try the police again tomorrow in the hope I talk to someone else. He is now sending me creepy sex texts confused. If I don't reply I get "oh, I guess i'll have to take this further"

I've tried the leave me alone over and over and over. At least if I talk to him he seems calm and slightly rational.

UsernameIncorrect Fri 11-Mar-16 00:09:23

He has threatened you with "I'll have to take it further." Ring the police.

Quillered Fri 11-Mar-16 00:10:54

You will need to be patient - it could take months of ignoring him before he finally gives up on you. Can you really see your continuing to engage with him ending well?

FlyingRussianUnicorn Fri 11-Mar-16 00:11:34

Last time he did that was when he contacted my parents. I ignored him and he did it so I called for some advice.

FlyingRussianUnicorn Fri 11-Mar-16 00:12:28

No Quillered I cant but At the same time I want to save myself the embarassment he could cause by messaging my friends and family.

JoffreyBaratheon Fri 11-Mar-16 00:21:55

I have been through the process of taking someone to court for harassment.

If his actions cause you alarm or distress or give you reason to feel fearful - it is harassment.

However you have to jump through a few hoops to stop it.

First, go to the police. They will look into what you say. If they find you have cause to feel alarmed, distressed, etc they have to issue an Harassment Warning.

This is the line in the sand. Nothing else will happen to him if this stops him. If, after receiving the warning, he continues to contact you, your employers, your friends or your family - you are in the business of doing him for harassment.

To sue them, the police have to establish "a course of action". That is - more than one event. Everything you told them about at your first visit - that is sort of counted as one event. Anything that happens after that - well now that's two or more events, and you have a course of action.

Beyond this point, once he has crossed that line in the sand of the intial Warning - he is liable to be arrested, questioned, evidence seized (phones, laptops etc) then possibly charged.

Log everything.

Chances are that police harassment warning will be enough to stop him in his tracks. But the sooner you go, the sooner you can get them to swing into action to protect you.

I'd go now, as you have enough stress starting a new job.

My harasser got 5 months suspended sentence - he had sent me over 300 emails, and contacted neighbours, and various other people, with allegations about me. The real point was though, it had to come to court for me to get an order to stop him. Now if he so much as accidentally sent e a spam email - go to jail, do not pass go, no questions asked.

I haven't had a peep out of him in 2 years so it has worked. Good luck.

TattyCat Fri 11-Mar-16 00:23:44

So you're not so 'personal' that you refrained from telling him things you wouldn't want anyone else to know, inside 4 months? Hmm...

hmm

FlyingRussianUnicorn Fri 11-Mar-16 00:33:33

Tatty. It isnt that I have told him stuff that other people dont know, its just I could do without my family and friends coming to me and asking why some randomer is contacting them on FB and how he found them

Marshy Fri 11-Mar-16 00:33:36

Joffrey's post has fab advice op TattyCat's not so much hmm

FlyingRussianUnicorn Fri 11-Mar-16 00:34:41

Joffrey would you mind Pming me please. I dont know how from my iPhone

Marshy Fri 11-Mar-16 00:36:35

I've said one or two personal things to people I've known for 4 months op. Fortunately none of them has decided to stalk me. This isn't your fault. He is weird. Sort him out using the official framework that is available to you, eloquently described by Joffrey.

TestingTestingWonTooFree Fri 11-Mar-16 01:14:25

Joffrey's post is good. If the police aren't listening to you, I wonder whether Women's Aid might support you in making a compliant about his behaviour?

Coconutty Fri 11-Mar-16 01:21:52

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AnnieOnnieMouse Fri 11-Mar-16 01:35:30

www.facebook.com/nss.org/?fref=ts
This is the newly launched anti-stalking campaign.
DO look on their site for help
www.scaredofsomeone.org/

FlyingRussianUnicorn Fri 11-Mar-16 01:37:47

Noting bad Coco just messaged them saying can you confirm this is your daughter and id appreciate if you didnt tell her id messaged you confused

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