to ask what punishments you use?(22 Posts)
What age are your children/is your child and what punishments? TIA
Because I have a DS and he is hitting that stage where he doesn't care about just being moved away from the situation, etc.
Then put him back in the situation! My daughter is 6 and the only way she learned was that I'm more stubborn than her if she moved from her time out spot, she went straight back, and again, and again. Don't give up!
Ds is 5. If he is melting down We remove him from the situation and it works. Once he is calm we talk to him about why his behaviour isn't ok. Then have him apologise. We haven't had to actually properly punish him yet. This seems to work.
Dd is 11 and it depends on what she has done. We recently removed her phone and laptop. That worked and she hasn't done anything since.
I don't use anything. I give him an explanation of what I expect him to do and a countdown of time to do it in.
He's five. On the rare occasions I complete the countdown, he's removed from the situation.
Dc are 15, 13 and 11. Punishments are removal of screen time, logical consequences (e.g. giving a contribution towards paying for an item lost or broken) and chats about decision making.
I threaten to beat them and lock them in a cellar on a regular basis, but as they're all bigger than me and we have no cellar, they don't seem to take me seriously at all
I think they hate the chats the most!
He is 6 and time out sat on stairs for 6 minutes for very serious misbehaviour (hitting, throwing things at people, repeated insults). Then I explain why he has been put in time out, he says sorry and hug.
I used to use 123 Magic by Tom Phelan. It's suitable for all ages.
I have also been known to cut electricity and Internet from bedrooms and to give only basic food.
I was quite strict and draconian at times, but they're turning out okay
We try to stick to natural consequences for the more minor misbehaviours
For more "serious" ones, After a lot of trial and error, I realised both children needed different "punishments" (not keen on that word)
I use 1, 2, 3 Magic for ds1 (6) he's the type of child who starts misbehaving when he needs some time out on his own, peace and quiet and time to get himself together. If I get to 3 then I (and he) know he needs to go to his room. He'll read or rest or play with Lego then come out when he feels ready usually for a hug and to apologise.
Ds2 (5) is the complete opposite, when he misbehaves it's usually because he's feeling sad/upset/insecure/tired whatever and so I'll scoop him up and sit with him facing me on my lap and just cuddle him. Once he's calmed down we have a chat about the behaviour.
It seems to be working well for us, there hasbeen less fighting between the kids, they are more likely to use words rather than just lash out, sometimes ds1 will take himself off to his bedroom when he starts feeling angry or frustrated before I even need to start counting and ds2 will come and tell me he needs a hug.
Talking and explaining is the key, even at 4-5 yrs. Did used to do the 123 thing straight off but didn't work that well with ours. Naughty step failed.
Ours are 12 now and screen time limiting is most effective.
That and the Taser...
Agree entirely with delta. No two kids are the same, they need different methods. My dd is very much like deltas ds2. Needs a cuddle, calm and discuss. We then discuss how she can make the situation right. We use problem solving and consequences to actions as oppose to direct punishment.
If a punishment is require, which isn't often it would depend on the situation but mainly removal of "privilege" like no tv, bed early, etc
She's nearly 4
I counted 123 then they knew there would be a consequence but I never told them in advance what the consequence would be so they couldn't decide whether they were bothered by it or not or if it was worth continuing the bad behaviour or not.It also saved me from saying a random consequence on the spot that I then regretted. It also meant that I could say things like. "Well we were going to the park but now we're not" when I had no intention of going in the first place. They thought they'd had a punishment, no effort required from me.
Positive reinforcement is always more powerful than punishment IMO.
Dd is 13, removing her iphone always has the biggest impact.
She's due to have it back this evening after having a bitch fit over nothing on Mother's Day. She's been rather more sociable and polite this week as a result.
5 and 3. We countdown from 5 to give them a chance to finish what they are doing. Any bad behaviour loses 10p pocket money (£1 a week) but they are always given chances to get it back, I don't think they have ever had less than full money.
We don't do time outs or anything like that.
My eldest is 5 and I start counting to five if he is misbehaving. He knows if I reach five then he'll usually get a minute or two in the time out spot in our hall.
Having said that I haven't had to actually do that in ages. If I need him to do something I ask nicely, then I remind him that I've asked nicely and then I threaten to start counting. Usually he complies before I start counting.
The balance is that I really put a lot of effort into rewarding good behaviour. Lots of praise and attention when he does something good.
I also have a toddler in the hitting stage. I don't do anything more than a firm "No!" and removing him from what he's doing. I'm not expecting much from him behaviour wise till he's a bit older, he just doesn't understand yet.
For the younger 2 we have a thinking spot (basically a round rug) which is similar to a naughty step, but we don't time it. We started it with DS2 as he gets massively frustrated (not as much now he's bigger) and just needed a few minutes to calm before anyone engaged with him. They also have a reward jar with marbles and we add a marble everytime they do something good and once they get a certain amount of marbles we put money in their pig and they can buy something from the shop or save it.
For the teenagers it depends - if they are all being particularly annoying then I'll take the router out. Other than that the main issue is usually dodging their chores so if they push it too much I'll charge them off their pocket money if someone else has to do it or if they go on strike I do too which means no lifts to wherever they are going that night. DD2 has currently had her phone confiscated because she took it to bed one night to play a game when they have to all stay downstairs.
I don't punish my 2 year old as such, if he hits, I just remove him and tell him firmly not to hit. And I dont let him back to play until he acknowledges what I've said. think with toddlers you have to make it fairly boring for them as dramatic reactions just turn it into a fun game for them.
Ds2 (2) and dd (6) I use time out.
Ds1 (8) removal of privileges.
DS's are 5 & 7. They generally get screen time bans and/or are sent to their rooms for big stuff. Specific consequences are used where possible, e.g. too much bickering over toys will get them removed.
DD is 2. Generally it's removal of her or the thing she's kicking off about and a stern telling off. Don't use time outs yet as she doesn't really need it.
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